


Buffering

by KnightInRainbowArmour



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Amputation, Camping, Car Accidents, F/F, F/M, M/M, Slow Burn, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-12-31 06:23:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12126444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightInRainbowArmour/pseuds/KnightInRainbowArmour
Summary: Five seconds would have been all it took, but the second that caught them trapped on that side walk was what did it in the end, flipping their lives upside down and tearing them apart.orThe one in which getting pizza isn't always a good idea but a camping trip in the middle of nowhere is?** Read the tags. don't like it, don't read it. **





	1. Flip It

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is based on something that happened to me and my family this year and I've had some trouble dealing with it. So, I figured I'd write the events into a story and see if that made a difference. I'm nine chapters in so far and I think its helping. 
> 
> Here's the first chapter, I know I'm not very good at writing but give it a shot anyway?

 

 

* * *

 

 

Chapter 1

 

“When was the last time you spoke to him?” Alex was curled up on the end of the couch, pizza box in her lap and a piece of neatly folded paper in her hand. Some show was playing on the TV, background noise, neither of the women seemed particularly interested in what was happening on the screen.

Kara tossed her own empty pizza box into the trash, hovering in the kitchen, contemplating cracking open another beer. She held one bottle up to her sister, a silent question, and the other Danvers nodded. “He texted me the other day but I haven’t seen Winn since the hospital if we’re being technical.” Kara replied, carrying two bottles over to the couch along with another pizza box and her own copy of the invite, her balancing skills were impressive now that she’d had enough time to work on them. “You?”

“Once since the hospital, a year ago, maybe?” She took the bottle opener from the blonde and popped the cap, the gas releasing with a satisfying hiss. Alex wanted to mention that Kara was already on her third pizza, lecture her on her eating habits, again, but thought better of it. Kara was sensitive to say the least of her ability to eat a small country into starvation before she ever felt full, a good metabolism would do that to a woman apparently.

The two women were facing the TV but their attention was fully on the pieces of paper they both held.

Minutes passed in silence, both weighing up their own options in their heads and wordlessly begging for the other to decide first, because they both knew that whatever the other decided would be their mutual decision, a silent agreement they’d made long ago.

It had been two years since Kara and the rest of their friends had graduated from college. And a year or so since the incident. Sure, in the beginning, they all managed to stay in touch afterwards, the odd face time here and there, invitations to coffee dates or a rushed lunch between shifts at work but then came the apologetic call to cancel and the broken promises to reschedule. In the end, they all lost touch.

“Are we going to go?” Kara whispered, her voice low and cautious, afraid of the possibilities. Scared of the reality.

Alex gulped. “I don’t know…” She brought the bottle of beer up to her lips but didn’t take a sip, just held the glass edge to her skin. “Do you want to go?” And that was it, really, the weighted question that even Kara didn’t know the answer to. Too much had happened between then and now for things to be as easy as was expected of them, too much had irreversibly changed.

Kara gulped, loud enough that it pulled Alex’s distant stare away from the screen and tugged the attention towards her little sister. The blonde didn’t say anything, holding Alex’s gaze in a heated duel for one of them to decide. In the end, with an exasperated sigh, the brunette pulled a quarter from her back pocket.

“Heads we go,” She paused, “tails we don’t and we pretend like none of this ever happened and go back to normal…”

Kara wanted to ask her what normal was. What her normal was, because it sure as hell was a lot different to Alex’s. Kara with her nine-to-five job, plus a hell of a lot more hours on top of that, no time for a relationship, constantly running after people within the public eye, competing for the attention from Snapper with her always ‘less than perfect articles,’ her injury... And then Alex, with her highly demanding job, just as highly as her own, her amazingly perfect relationship with a beautiful woman whom Kara loved just as much as she did Alex. They had their own place together, worked in the same line of work, had so much in common. Most of all, Alex just seemed to be really happy.

It seemed to her that Alex had it all figured out and maybe Kara wanted that, too. She wanted something normal to come back to like Alex did. Wanted a life worth being excited for, not some robotic, monochromatic march she’d fallen into somewhere between that freezing January night and now.

“Flip it.” Kara nodded her head surely and readied her hand to catch the coin. There was an icy rock lodged in her throat. She hadn’t seen her friends since that night, after the surgery that had changed everything. She’d managed to gulp down most of the guilt she’d felt, pushed it to the back of her mind, because really, what else _could_ she do now?

The circular piece of silver spun through the air with a light ringing sound, spiralling up before dropping into the palm of the blonde’s hand. She clamped her fingers around the cool metal before either of them could see what fate had been decided for them.

They waited with bated breath.

Slowly, Kara inched her fingers away from the quarter, glancing down for less than a second and then back up to meet Alex’s eyes with a neutral expression plastered to her face like a mask. “We go.” Her heart was pounding despite herself, a rush of something the blonde could only describe as anticipation, shuddered through her veins and the nervous flutter of butterflies within her stomach awoke with a vengeance.

“We go.” Alex nodded, her eyes glued to the coin in her sister’s hand.

Neither of them mentioned the tails face of the coin that stared up at them.

*

Kara strode into the coffee shop – well, strode as well as she could manage - only ten minutes late this time, a new record, and quickly scanned the bustling area for Winn. He was sat in a window seat, a laptop out on the table in front of him and with a furrowed brow, he typed furiously at his keyboard. Kara was sure the man had no idea she was even late, so lost in his own world.

He looked older than she remembered. Sure, they had all aged in the year or so since she’d last seen them, but it still came as a slight shock to her, to see him with a scatter of even stubble and a few extra wrinkles around his eyes.

He seemed taller, somehow, as though his life after the accident had built him up, changed him in ways Kara may never be able to understand. Maybe that was a good thing.

“Hi, Winn.” The blonde stood just off to the side of the table, wringing her hands nervously in front of her body, a crutch leaning against her side which she used more for comfort than she needed it for support. She wasn’t sure why she had felt so shy, because the second the man’s eyes snapped up to look at her, he was the same best friend she’d had during college, the same man who’d been by her side every step of the way even after he’d confessed his feelings for her, after she had politely shot him down, after she’d told him she’d had – still had – feelings for their friend; and the smile that shone through those deep eyes of his, made her realise that really, he hadn’t aged at all.

Winn did a quick once over, his eyes lingering for a moment. “God, you haven’t changed.” Winn pushed away from the table, the chair legs scraped across the ground roughly, and he swiftly pulled the blonde into a tight embrace.

Kara chuckled into his shoulder, squeezing him just as tightly back. “How’ve you been?” She asked, pulling away and taking the seat opposite him. She propped her crutch up against the glass window that looked out onto the busy street.

The pair easily found themselves falling back into the comfortable conversations they had always been used to. It wasn’t until half an hour into their coffee date, when a waitress came by to refill their mugs, that Kara remembered the invitation, having somehow managed to fall back into her happy bubbly self that had been absent for the best part of the year.

“So,” she started, pushing her glasses up her face with a smirk before she asked the question that had been hanging in the air, “what was with those invites?”

Winn laughed raucously, his head tilted back with joy that seemed to be contagious, finding her own shoulders bobbing along with her own laughter. “I just figured it was about time, don’t you?”

About time they all pulled themselves together, about time she put the effort in again, about time she started caring about more than just her career and pride. “I’m glad you sent us them.” _I’m glad you were brave enough,_ she wanted to say, because Kara didn’t think she would have ever had the courage to do so herself. “But a camping trip, really?” She chuckled, the corners of eyes crinkling in a smile.

“Oh crap, sorry, will you be able…?” Winn trailed off, suddenly looking startled and panicked for the first time since she’d sat down, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

The blonde just kept smiling, beaming. It had been a long time since she felt her heart rise back to some sort of lively beating. “I’ll be fine, Winn. It’s not like we’re kids running off into the woods with a tent to hot box the crap out of it anymore.”

That earned her another deep, belly laugh from Winn. “No, you’re right.” He settled, breathing in a gentle breath. “But, I figured what better way to get us all back together than sticking us straight into the _wild_ ,” his voice was teasing and playful and he took a sip of his coffee. Black. No sugar. “No technology to keep us distracted, nothing to keep us from bailing and…” he trailed off all of a sudden, as though remembering all of the times the group had cancelled, last minute meetings, emergencies, since the accident.

“I think it’s a great idea, and you can count Alex, Maggie and I in, like I said.” She reassured him, reaching across the table to place her hand gently on top of his. The smile returned to his lips, reaching the darkest depths of his eyes. “Who else is in?” Kara leaned back into her chair, silently asking the question they both knew she needed the answer for.

Winn found interest in a dog on the other side of the street, his eyes avoiding Kara’s as he uttered, “James and Lucy are up for it. They skyped me this morning. And you mentioned Alex and Maggie.” He nodded along with his own words, “I- um,” the man rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. “I haven’t heard back from Lena.” It was no surprise to either of them the way she visibly deflated, that happy pounding of her heart simmered away into a dull thud and her smile dropped from her lips. “I’m sure she’s just busy, y’know, with running a multibillion-dollar company, and all…?”

“Sure, Winn.” She gulped down the last of her coffee, the waitress spotting the apparently criminal lack of coffee and quickly hurried over to refill it. Kara didn’t bat an eyelid, she kept her eyes glued to Winn, daring him to say what they both knew he wanted to.

“Hey, there’s still plenty of time yet, she’s got until…” he paused, counting off the days in his head, “eight and a half days.”

Kara shook her head, an amused smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “I wouldn’t count on it, Winn.” The blonde shrugged passively. “Like you said, she’s the owner of a company now and after everything that happened last year… I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to come.” A sickening bout of guilt feeling settled in her gut like a lead weight being dropped on her stomach.

Winn, agreeing with her reasoning, smiled sadly. “I was going to call her,”

“Winn-” Kara began, a warning tone lacing her words.

“No, no, I- I didn’t, I would have said something stupid or something anyway.” He reassured her. “But maybe someone should… _someone_ who was closer to her than the rest of us.” Winn had never been subtle. With anything. At all. But he always meant well and in the end, Kara was always thankful for that.

Kara frowned, trying to think up her own excuse as to why that would be a terrible idea, a crease formed between her eyes, brow dipping into a frown. Other than the fact that she was probably, most definitely, at least eighty percent, still madly in love with Lena Luthor and still felt guilty about everything that had happened, nothing logical was springing to mind.

“Look, I know things have been pretty crappy over the past year for you and for her too, and I know we all probably feel guilty for losing touch with each other and maybe a little bit for not being there for you both, but…” he paused for dramatic effect. “I think it would be good for all of us to get out there and just get to know each other again, no distractions.”

Kara relented, of course he was right, he always had been the voice of reason, at least when he wasn’t being a complete idiot. “ _Fine_.” She huffed out, throwing her hands in the air, her exasperation being made obvious.

*

Kara paced back and forth along the length of her kitchen, once, twice and then a lap around the island before repeating the same path. Her stomach was twisting sickly, heavily weighing her down with endless nerves. The rhythmical beating of two crutches and then a foot was the only sound to be heard, a dull chorus of thuds emphasizing her nerves as simple punctuations.

With a reeling mind, Kara clutched her phone in her hand, hip cocked against the counter for support, a contact that hadn’t been opened in years was displayed on the screen. _Lena Luthor._ The name still sounded good in her head and she knew it would sound even better spoken allowed, if she could just pull herself together and press the green button.

But the dishevelled blonde had been pacing this way for the past ten minutes, willing herself to do it.

Unlike the other members of their group, Lena had deleted her social media accounts shortly after taking over Luthor Corp, rendering them oblivious to the woman’s life outside of public events and bias news reports. Kara was pretty sure the CEO was unlisted too, but she would try, for Winn and maybe for herself too.

The events of the year prior had rocked the city and shook Kara and her friends to the point of breaking. It had frozen them to their cores, reduced them to numb shells, unconscious to the rest of the world outside of each other for a long period of time.

According to Alex and Winn, the rest of their group had called and texted, even resorted to showing up at her home. But Lena had fled the city until the media had gotten bored of the international headlining news stories and started reporting on something different. She’d neither replied to their messages nor answered their calls. Just as Kara had done, too, in her attempt to recover and forget the events of that night, doing her best to keep the younger woman safe.

But now, Winn was giving them all the opportunity to reunite, to grow to know each other once again, and maybe, hopefully, the ‘super friends’ as Winn had loved to refer to them all as, could be that again.

‘ _Super friends_.’ Kara rolled her eyes.

The blonde slammed her thumb forcefully onto the call button and gasped at her own actions, her own brain had turned against her, her fingers acting of their own accord. But it was too late, she could hear the dial tone through the speaker and quickly pulled the phone to her ear.

Just as the line was about to cut off, the call was accepted.

Kara held her breath.

She had almost been hoping that Lena had changed her number, got herself a burner phone or something else equally as untraceable. It was as though she had dropped off the face of the earth anyway. If it weren’t for the media, Kara would have suspected as much.

“Kara?” Lena’s voice sounded gentle and smooth as it came through the speaker, if only a little apprehensive. It rang sweet and clear and caused a shudder of happiness, akin to the feelings she’d felt sat with Winn earlier that day. It was exciting and reminded her of how things used to be, before that night. Lena sounded confused, however, and it prompted Kara to use words to communicate.

“Hel-” The blonde’s voice broke with a crack, she cleared her throat embarrassingly and thanked every god out there that the younger woman couldn’t see her burning red face. “Hello, Lena.” Kara had been right. The woman’s name did sound better out loud than it did in her head.

“Is there something I can do for you?” Her voice came through warm and caring, just as it always had when they’d been close, but now there was something formal about the way she addressed Kara, professional with a lack of real connection.

It broke Kara’s heart a little bit more, being able to hear the change in Lena without physically seeing her in person. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting anything or keeping you from your work, I wasn’t sure of your hours but I figured that with it being quite late…” she trailed off once she realised that she’d begun rambling, or maybe it was because of the soft chuckle that vibrated down the line. “Sorry.” Kara muttered, her blush flaring up once again.

“It’s quite alright,” Lena replied gently. “You just reminded me that I should probably leave the office at some point.” Her words held a hint of playfulness as she spoke and Kara could just picture that cocky eyebrow raise on the younger woman’s face. “So, was there something I could do for you? A quote? I heard you’re quite the reporter for CatCo now?”

Kara could only gape. She wasn’t sure what shocked her more, the fact that Lena _knew_ what she did or the fact that she was so willing to give the blonde her time. “I- um… no, actually.” _But I may take you up on the offer,_ she thought, Snapper would love her, or probably hate her less than he already did. “I had coffee with Winn today.”

“Oh?” It was clear to Kara that the raven-haired woman was trying her hardest to sound disinterested, but she knew Lena well enough, or she had done in the past, to know her tells.

“I wanted to grill him on those invites.” She mused, hoping Lena wouldn’t retreat and cut the blonde off. Now that something was changing, or the possibilities of change were hanging thickly in the air, Kara was becoming very aware of how much she needed it to happen. She needed to get herself out of the rut that she’d found herself trapped in since the accident. She wasn’t happy, not truly. She had her sister and that was about it, she had the people she worked with at CatCo but other than that, it was the same thing day in and day out. She wasn’t moving up in the world, trapped in a PTSD induced limbo.

“Ah.” Lena hummed her acknowledgement, the blonde was unsure as to whether she was going to leave it at that or continue, so she stayed quiet. “It was a nice gesture.” _But I’ll have to decline. I have a business meeting in Metropolis that weekend._ Something, something, something. Kara waited to hear the excuse, a new one she herself hadn’t used yet.

She waited but it never came. “Winn mentioned you hadn’t replied yet.” She tried not to make it sound as though she was forcing the CEO into giving an answer, forcing her into going on a trip she may not have been comfortable with.

The sound of papers rustling on the other end of the line caught Kara’s attention and she hoped it was the sound of Lena packing up for the night. “I’ve had a hectic couple of days.” Lena explained, her voice remained soft, of course it did, it always had been that way between the two of them. Even when tensions would rise, through heated arguments and stress fuelled conversations, their voices would never rise, never turn sharp or cold.

“I understand.” Kara nodded her head despite Lena being unable to see her. “If this is a bad time, I can go?” She offered Lena a way out before she asked the question she’d been most nervous about.

“Of course not,” the stern tone was clear, firm but sensitive. “I’m just finishing up for the night.” It was late, late enough that Kara was beginning to grow tired herself. She checked her watch on her left wrist, jiggling her crutch out of the way. It had just turned half past ten. Definitely too late for Lena to still be in her office. Kara found herself wandering towards her window that looked out onto the city.

“You probably haven’t had the chance to think about it but how do you feel about the idea? About the camping trip, I mean?” Kara finally asked, releasing the last of her nervous energy through a single breath. Through the muddle of skyscrapers and city lights, the reporter could just make out the outline of the L-Corp building, its name brightly lit up on the side of it and to no one’s surprise, a light at the top of the tower was still shining from within an office.

“Next weekend, am I right?” Lena asked and Kara hummed in response, somehow transfixed on the building in the distance. Maybe she hoped that if she squinted hard enough, she’d maybe be able to catch a glimpse of the CEO. Lena had obviously read her own invite too, despite being so busy running a company. “I have a few important meetings before and after that weekend that I’ll need to write up reports for…” she trailed off, hearing the disappointed sigh accidently dispel from Kara’s lips. They both remained silent, waiting and contemplating their next moves. In the distance, the last light inside L-Corp shut off. “But I suppose I could have my assistant reschedule them for the following week.”

Kara couldn’t even begin to imagine ever holding back the excited squeal that reverberated around her apartment, causing the dog two floors up to start barking, she hopped up and down on one foot, losing her balance for a single moment but even that slight wobble couldn’t quell the face aching smile that split across her face. “Sorry.” Kara laughed whole heartedly down the phone, apologising for what should have been an embarrassing outburst but the blonde could only feel her excitement fizzing inside of her stomach.

Lena chuckled and Kara could imagine seeing those crinkles at the edges of her eyes and mouth. Laughter lines that she knew were barely ever seen now. “It’s quite alright, Kara.” The younger woman said something to her driver before returning to their conversation, a car door banged and an engine roared to life. “I could do with getting away from the office for a while anyway, and while I could think of much better places to spend my time relaxing, I doubt the company would be quite the same.”

A tug pulled sharply at Kara’s heart. Completely ignorant as to how she should deal with the comment, she just smiled in response.

“I’ll let Winn know as soon as I’m home that I’ll be joining.”

“That’s great. I’m so excited.” Kara, embarrassed or not, could barely contain herself as she gushed to the woman who had once been her best friend.

If a smile had a sound it would have surely rang through the speakers and into Kara’s ear. “Me too.”

She sounded sleepy and the reporter was feeling it too. “I’ll let you get settled for the night. I’ll see you next weekend?” she couldn’t help but keep her voice hopeful.

“You will.” Just as Kara was about to end the call, Lena called her name down the phone, stalling the blonde’s movements.

“Yeah?” she asked hesitantly. She froze. Trying to keep the moment together for as long as she could.

“I’ve missed you.” There was another tug on her heart and something wet that trailed down the side of Kara’s cheeks but she barely processed it over the sound of Lena’s voice and the breath that the younger woman released after saying those words.

“I’ve missed you, too, Lena.”


	2. The Beginning of Finding Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so incredibly surprised by the amazing response I got from the first chapter of this story and I can't thank you all enough for giving it a shot. So, I figured, if any of you were interested, here's a link to the first news report about the accident that my younger brother was involved in this year. 
> 
> http://www.newsandstar.co.uk/news/Huge-support-for-Carlisle-boy-16-who-lost-his-leg-in-horror-crash-5c8e8a24-2481-453a-9d0c-76a001fb17bd-ds
> 
> 8 months on, and he's doing really well, he goes through his struggles but he's stronger than a lot of people I know.

* * *

 

 

Chapter 2

 

They had no other option than to head off to the nearest outdoor supply store when Kara had come to the realisation that the four-man tent Alex and she had been planning on taking with them on the trip had been packed, still soaking wet in the middle of gale-force winds from their last camping excursion over two years prior. To say the shredded material had once resembled a tent, would have been a sordid understatement. Both women had barked in disgust when Kara had opened up the bag to find a small ecosystem growing inside of it.

Maggie had honestly found the whole situation sincerely hilarious and was quick to post the story all over her social media. Alex grumbled her annoyance and pouted the whole drive over to the store.

“Why am I not surprised?” Maggie chuckled from the front passenger seat. She was too occupied with staring out of the window to notice the look that Alex shot Kara through the rear-view mirror. When she didn’t receive an answer, she turned back. “Have either of you spoken to them since?”

Kara nodded for her sister to answer the question as Alex shot the blonde an apprehensive glance through the mirror. “Well…” She rubbed at the nape of her neck apprehensively. “Not really, there was that time you and I ran into Winn, but other than that, no.”

Maggie looked over at her girlfriend, a dip etched into her brow.

“Until recently.” Kara finally piped up. She’d remained quiet for most of the ride, had been for three days prior, too, her mind was still reeling after the conversation she’d had with Lena and she hoped to any god out there that Alex hadn’t noticed her change in behaviour.

“You’ve only spoken to Winn, and that was barely for an hour.” The older woman countered with a slight layer of bitterness to her tone. Alex turned into the parking lot outside of the store and shut off the engine once she found a space to park. She was annoyed, Kara could tell in the way her sister yanked her keys from the ignition and stormed towards the building.

Neither one of the Danvers noticed the curious glances that Maggie kept shooting the pair of them. Maybe Alex was oblivious to Kara’s strange behaviour since receiving the invites but the detective wasn’t. “It’s best to be positive, right?” Maggie asked, linking her fingers with her girlfriend’s.

“So, what if things are good afterwards? It’s not like it’ll last.” She grumbled indignantly.

“Alex.” The reporter warned.

“What?” Alex snapped. “It’ll just be a repeat of what happened after the accident, Kara. They walked away and forgot about us.”

Kara stopped in the middle of the isle, she huffed out an annoyed breath and crossed her arms. The other two women were surprised she didn’t stamp her foot, the beginnings of a tantrum nevertheless evident. “I won’t let that happen again, it was my fault in the first place.” Alex rolled her eyes as a response. Kara’s shoulders deflated, losing the energy to argue. “I’m going to try this time, Alex. I won’t push people away.”

Maggie shifted nervously, trapped between the two sisters as they stared heatedly at one another, waiting for the other to draw the gun first. “What about this one?” She called, grabbing for the nearest tent.

It took a second or so, but eventually Alex and Kara broke eye contact and looked down at the feeble excuse of a tent that the detective was holding with outstretched arms. Alex snorted at the sight, it claimed to be a two-man tent but the image on the packaging told her that even Maggie probably wouldn’t be able to sleep in it comfortably. “Let’s keep looking.”  

*

The three women had eventually decided on two identical two-man tents for the weekend coming. Kara wasn’t too pleased with sleeping on her own, especially out in the middle of nowhere with bears and probably murderers roaming the woods but she didn’t plan on being a third wheel while her sister and her girlfriend had sex either, so she relented, tempting her fate with a death worthy of a horror movie.

Now, her and Maggie were perched in front of the TV with a beer in hand, Kara had one leg perched up on the coffee table and the other on a cushion for support. The comfortable silence that they’d fallen into was doing nothing for the battling thoughts in Kara’s mind, and she silently hoped that Alex would get back with their takeout soon. The reporter brought her beer to her lips but didn’t take a sip, instead she let out a heavy sigh, failing in dispelling the tension residing in the base of her neck and instead producing a hollow whistle as the air flowed across the rim of the bottle.

She kept thinking back to the sound of Lena’s voice the familiarity of it yet how it had sounded so formal and imperturbable until those last words that the twenty-four year old had uttered down the line. Feelings that Kara never thought she’d ever feel again had come swamping back to life and plagued her mind with questions and confusion.

“What’s up little Danvers?” Maggie huffed out, turning to face the blonde and at the same time pulled her from her reeling mind. “You’ve been sighing like that all day and as much as I love your sister, she’s pretty damn oblivious so I’m taking it upon myself to find out what the hell is wrong.” She punctuated her words with a sip of her beer before placing it down firmly on the coffee table. Her serious expression gave Kara no room to change the subject or bluff her way out, claiming that she was fine. She liked to refer to that particular expression as Maggie’s interrogation face and right now, Kara felt as though she’d just committed armed robbery or something.

She gulped. “I’m just nervous, I guess.” Fighting the urge to choke over her own words, Kara cleared her throat and looked away.

“And so is Alex, but you don’t see her walking around in a complete daze like a zombie.” Maggie teased, nudging the blonde gently, trying to lighten the mood. “Is there something else?”

Evidently, the moment of hesitation between Maggie asking the question and Kara shaking her head was enough of a tell for the detective who could only give a stern, disbelieving look to the younger woman. It didn’t take much for Kara to relent under the woman’s stare and she slouched back into the couch. But as she tried to voice her feelings, explain why she was a walking wreck, no sound came out. Instead she could only gape like a fish, her mouth opening and closing around air.

Maggie, for some reason, took that as a response and she gasped with a scandalised expression of both excitement and shock. “Oh…” she smirked. “It’s Lena, isn’t it?”

‘What-” Kara’s eyes went wide. “I… what?” she stuttered out, her words a jumbled mess. That wasn’t what she’d been expecting Maggie to say.

The detective chuckled, placing a gentle hand on Kara’s shoulder. “Little Danvers,” she smiled, “you’re about as discrete as your sister is with her feelings.” Kara slouched further into the back of the couch, crossing her arms over her chest, pout plastered to her mouth. “I figured it was either a woman or you were just feeling less than thrilled about the whole trip but after the spat in the store today… well.”

“It could have been a man.” Kara huffed out. At least she hadn’t mentioned the other thing.

“Please.” Maggie rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “James is with Lucy now and Winn already had feelings for you once before and you shot him down.”

“You know, I’m kind of wishing you didn’t know all of this.”

“I’m a detective, Kara, it’s what I do. I detect. And then there was that games night a couple of months ago,” Maggie sipped on her beer knowingly. “That one where you got super drunk and told Alex and I about the love of your life in college even though we were there for it all.” The detective missed the burning flush that rose up Kara’s cheeks, too busy using her detective skills as she numbered off points on her hand. “And I mean, you’re definitely a little bit gay at least, so.” She made an indifferent shrugging motion that told the blonde that she’d made her point and there was no denying it now.

“You know, you weren’t there for all of my college years. You graduated before me.” Kara huffed out again.

“But I was there for all of those times you pined after lena.”

“I hate you.” The reporter grumbled.

“Who hates who now?” The front door swung open and Alex sauntered in carrying three big takeout bags.

“We hate you for taking your god damn time.” Maggie teased, pulling her girlfriend down for a chased kiss.

Alex shoved her away playfully, placing the bags down on the counter. Kara scrambled for her crutches and hoisted herself up into a standing position. Maggie alongside her as they pounced on the take-out boxes. “You’re like animals.”

“You love it.” Kara mumbled around a mouth full of noodles, sauce dripping down her chin.

The older sister could only hum sceptically in response. “Sure…” She opened up her own container before asking, “So why do you hate Maggie?”

Kara, the self-proclaimed genius, decided that the best option, and only way to avoid this conversation was to pretend that she hadn’t heard Alex speak. Instead, she munched happily on her food, silently praying that Maggie didn’t say anything either and let her eyes wander around her kitchen, smiling softly at the spice rack she’d organised that morning.

Just like Maggie, however, her sister was quick to catch on, proving to the other two women that she may not have been as oblivious as they first thought. “You were talking about the camping trip.” She stated rather than asked, continuing to eat slowly on her own food, assessing the two other women in front of her.

Kara tried and failed to hold some sort of eye contact but her gaze fell away, focussing on her chopsticks.

“What’s wrong, Kara?” The concern was palpable in Alex’s voice, beginning to panic again as she had those months after Kara had been discharged from the hospital.

Ultimately, Kara relented to the need to open up to her sister. “I talked to Lena the other night.” Her voice was soft, quiet and tentative. Her own words causing a thrill to race down her spine, goose bumps erupting over her skin with a strange sense of anticipation.

“Oh.” Alex’s eyes were wide. “How did that go?” She was gentle in the way she asked. Careful not to show any signs of judgement, despite her lack of a positive opinion for the youngest Luthor and the youngest member of their small group.

“It was…” the blonde paused, contemplating her own words, careful not give too much of her own emotional state away or lack of therefore. “It was nice, she was nice.”

“Is she coming on the trip?” Alex was never one to be subtle. The air of her voice always portrayed what she was really feeling. Kara could hear the suggestion in her words, the implications that Alex dare not voice.

“She said she would be.” Her sister hummed at that, it wasn’t a negative sound, though it wasn’t exactly positive either.  

“She hasn’t seen you since.” Alex finally said after a minute or so of just staring at the younger woman, daring her to argue. “You know how hard it was for you to push her away, how you felt, I just don’t want this to bite you in the ass if she freaks out or someone mentions Lex and the accident.”

Kara didn’t say how those feelings never really went away, how those feelings had been biting her in the ass on a daily basis ever since the accident. Instead, she only nodded slightly and smiled. “I’ll be fine.”

*

**Alex [today, 16:13 pm]**

I didn’t want to say anything last night in front of Maggie, just in case. I know you really want to go on this trip and I know you haven’t been entirely happy with things since everything happened, so if there is anything that’s going to help you, I’ll support you.

 

Kara could only stare down at the text from her sister. Her heart in her mouth as she sat on her chair in her office, a pile of paperwork in front of her that Snapper wanted done and dusted by the end of the day. She hadn’t managed to finish half as much as she wanted to, a certain woman and her words still playing over in her mind and now Alex’s words were melding together with them.

Kara prided herself on being able to keep her feelings locked away. She thought herself as a pretty secretive person, but apparently even her sister and her girlfriend could see straight through her.

**Kara [16:22 pm]**

We were all so happy at college and then the real world hit and it just wasn’t anything I’d anticipated. I want to be happy again.

 

**Alex [16:24 pm]**

I know, and I miss them too. I just don’t want you relying on them to make you happy.

 

Kara hadn’t thought of it like that. Is that how Alex saw this? Kara trying to find some resemblance of happiness in her old friends? Because that definitely wasn’t how she meant for it to be. She was twenty-seven, caught up in a monotonous cycle in which all she could see was dead end paths in front of her. Or it had been, until she’d received that invitation and all of a sudden, a bright shining light had shone the way down a smooth winding road and she could finally see her escape. But that wasn’t the blonde relying on these people from her past, this was her seeing bridges and wanting to build them, wanting to actually do something about her life.

 

**Kara [16:26 pm]**

That’s not what I’m trying to do, I promise. Like you said I miss them and what is the harm in being happy around the people you care about?

 

**Alex [16:28 pm]**

Just be careful.

 

*

Kara was staring at the invite that hadn’t moved from her kitchen island since the night Alex and she had decided to go, it was printed with coffee stains and splashed of soy sauce. With there being only two days left until they had to be packed and ready to leave for the ‘great outdoors’, as Winn had so creatively put it in a group chat he’d created that it seemed only he enjoyed messaging, she was beginning to feel her nerves kicking in.

She wasn’t scared per say, but she was mildly cautious of the possibility that enough had happened after the hospital, and the trauma they had all experienced, that the whole weekend would just be a giant disaster. Not to mention the fact that she was an entirely different person now, and the likelihood of her old friends not liking who she’d become was withering away her hope.

Winn had been an exception to that, however, the second she’d sat down in that coffee shop with him, it had been like nothing had ever changed, she was still Kara to him, whole and happy and unchanging. The phone call with Lena, however, had been enough to remind her that while it was easy to fall back into those old habits, somethings would be different, minor changes, almost unnoticeable if you didn’t know what to look for. But her friends would know what to look for, plain and simple.

Most of her camping equipment was already packed and sat in the corner by her front door. There was a lot of stuff, more than she’d probably need, but her sister and Maggie had just as much and she knew that there would be no way the three of them would be able to fit in the one car. She’d messaged Alex, explaining as such and her sister had tried to compromise, wanting Kara with her when she arrived if only for moral support.

“It’s fine, Alex. I promise we’ll arrive at the same time,” She kept her voice soft and reassuring, knowing how much her sister worried.

The other woman sighed gently down the phone. “Okay.” She relented. “But be careful, those roads can be pretty bad.”

“I’m a better driver than you are.” Kara smirked, teasing her sister.

“Only because you’re so bad you can’t use a stick shift and drive an automatic. I’ve got to head back to work so I’ll see you Friday morning.”

They said their goodbyes and Kara finally slumped down onto her couch to finish off some paperwork. She only needed to confirm some sources and finish off a final edit but the task was proving to be just as challenging as she thought it would be, if only for the racing of her thoughts ahead of their trip.

Lena.

Lena.

Lena.

Her mind was stuck on repeat like a broken record, caught on the same second of her favourite song. But the sound was so peaceful and soothing that Kara couldn’t bring herself to change it.

Her green eyes. Her black satin hair. Her rosy cheeks and plump lips. Her dry sense of humour and easy ability to just fall into a situation and take charge. And Kara loved it all. Always had done and even the last year that had passed without seeing the woman face to face had done nothing to quell the burning in her heart.

People grow out of touch all the time and maybe, even if Kara hadn’t made the decision she had, they may have lost touch eventually, anyway, despite the impossible situation they’d found themselves trapped in. It had hurt, sure, and that hurt only grew after the events of the previous year, being completely helpless when it came down to the fact that none of them could be there for one another due to their own pride and maybe more so Kara’s guilt.

They’d all had their ups and downs through college and every step of the way, they’d all been there for one another.

But the separation after the accident had been hard, on Kara at least.

She missed her friends a hell of a lot - but guilt and pride were hard enough to get over individually, never mind when thrown together in a soup of other emotions - Lena somewhat more so. Perhaps in a different way than she possibly, missed Winn, James and Lucy. She was happy for them all, finding happiness of their own. James and Lucy together and Winn hinted at it but hadn’t mentioned any names. It possible that he was about to drop a very unprepared love interest into the midst of their… _friendship_. Could they even call it that anymore?

Kara had been waiting for a call from a co-worker with some extra details on a source on the story she was working on, it had taken a moment for her to realise that her phone was ringing, lost in her own thoughts so she answered it without checking the caller ID. “You got me that conformation, Wade?” she asked straight off the bat.

The blonde nearly chocked on her own words once she heard the familiar laughter, it was almost like a memory, an echo of a past she’d been trying to forget and Kara found herself checking the screen for verification.

“Oh my god, Lena, I’m so sorry.” To say that the reporters face was burning crimson would have been a gross understatement, the tips of her ears were practically on fire. She wanted to scream, to hang up and just bury herself face down on her bed.

“And I thought I was a workaholic.” Lena’s laughter had eased itself down to a soft chuckle, warm and inviting, the formalities from their last conversation forgotten.

“My boss has been on my back about an article all week.” Kara explained, her embarrassment still evident in her voice. “I’m trying to get it finished before this weekend so he doesn’t have an excuse to have my head when I tell him I won’t be in the city.”

“Oh.” Lena stopped laughing at that. “Is this a bad time? I can just text you and you can reply whenever you’re free?” Kara was beyond flattered, maybe more than she should be, that Lena still wanted to talk to her when it was convenient for the blonde.

“No, no.” Kara reassured the younger woman. “I’m nearly finished.” She could hear a sigh of relief being dispelled from Lena’s lungs and she smiled to herself. “Did you get your work finished early?” she asked, realising it was far earlier than it had been the other night when she’d called Lena.

“Actually yes, I realised I didn’t have any camping equipment and I didn’t want to send my assistant out on my behalf, so I finished up about an hour or so ago.” Lena explained.

“Any luck?” Kara tried to hide the shyness from her voice without sounding too eager either, she played with the corner of a file, bending it back and forth before accidently tearing it away.

“I’ve just found myself a tent.” Kara could hear the sounds coming from the store that Lena was in. It was late enough that it would probably be quiet inside but the sounds of the check outs and the sound of the CEO’s shopping cart moving along the isles could be heard. “I think I’m going to look for a small stove.”

“Oh, Maggie has one of those, you can just share with us if you like?”

Lena was quiet on the other end of the line. “Are you sure?” she finally spoke up.

“Of course!” the blonde chuckled. “We have a lot of stuff between us, they kicked me out of their car because of the amount of crap we’re bringing.”

Lena let out a mocking, scandalous gasp. “They kicked you out?”

Kara giggled, finding it easy to fall back into a comfortable conversation with Lena. “Well, not really, but I didn’t feel like being a third wheel stuck in the back of their car with everything piled up on top of me.” She explained.

“Ah well, that makes it easier for me to ask you something, then.” Lena said. Kara’s heart jumped, leapt, and flipped within her chest wall with embarrassing vigour. “It was the reason I called you, actually.”

“Really?” she couldn’t keep the confused excitement out of her voice this time and she couldn’t find it in her to be self-conscious.

Lena hummed her conformation. “It’s silly really, but I didn’t want to turn up alone.”

“That’s not silly…” Kara all but whispered. She had felt the same and the reporter understood. After everything that had happened, with Lena and her especially, she understood why the idea was daunting.

“Well I was wondering if we could go together? Like I said it’s silly, and I realise you might already have a ride, with Winn or something, but I have my car and it has plenty of room for your things too and-”

“I would love to.” Kara cut Lena off mid rant, saving the CEO from her nervous ramble.

“Really?” Both women seemed to be surprised for entirely different reasons but the excitement seemed to radiate off of Lena and straight through their phones.

“Yeah, definitely.” Kara hoped that Lena could hear her own smile.

“Perfect,” Lena purred down the speaker and Kara had to physically fight her eyes from falling from her skull. Her mouth turned dry at the sound. “I can come and pick you up from your apartment. How does ten o’clock sound?” Lena tested softly and Kara couldn’t hold back the brilliant grin that tugged at her lips. She decided on abandoning her work for the evening, there was no way she’d be able to focus on it now.

“That sounds good, I’ll see you Friday, Lena.” She downed the last of her beer and allowed the feeling of the cool liquid to warm her cheeks.

“See you Friday.” They waited a second or so, just dwelling in the feeling of happiness and excitement before the line went dead.

Kara let out an excited squeal, knowing that there would be no way she’d be able to fall asleep until early morning.

She didn’t mind one bit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Fight or Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here she comes.....

* * *

 

 

Chapter 3

 

Alex and Maggie showed up at her apartment around a quarter to ten on Friday morning, both women carrying coffee and breakfast in brown paper bags, enough to keep them going until they arrived at the camp site later that afternoon. “I didn’t know if she still took her coffee the same way so I just got her old order.” Alex explained, placing Kara’s and Lena’s orders down on the island with a soft thud. There was definitely a lot more food in the bag meant for Kara than the others, the paper bulging around its contents, almost on the verge of splitting. The blonde’s stomach growled at the thought.

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate the coffee either way.” Kara chuckled, though the sound came out just shy of disturbing. Her nerves were getting the better of her because the idea of seeing Lena Luthor in person after two years of almost nothing but the image of the woman on her TV screen and on the front page of newspapers, was both thrilling and terrifying. But the thought of the other woman seeing her, was just as terrifying to Kara.

When her phone vibrated in the butt pocket of her jeans, the blonde nearly dived out of her skin with a strangled yelp.

Maggie snorted at the sight. “Control your gay, little Danvers.” She teased, sipping her own coffee knowingly.

Kara rolled her eyes, though the other woman’s teasing tone caused the butterflies in her stomach to settle somewhat and she pulled the phone from her pocket and opened the message from Lena. “She’s on her way up.” Her voice had more of a shake to it than she’d meant to let on and Alex rolled her eyes in response to the mess that her sister had become.

“At least try to act _normal_. Everything will be fine.” Alex teased from her stool beside the island. She had already started eating her bagel. Kara’s stomach growled again at the sight.

And then came a knock at Kara’s door.

She couldn’t hold back the squeak that echoed around the room and she was sure that Lena could hear it from outside.

None of the women in the apartment were sure if the sound was from excitement or shock.

Kara leapt towards the door as best as her body would allow.

Alex would describe the movement as more of a prance and Maggie would call it god damn terrifying.  

The reporter was practically vibrating when she slid to a stop by the front door. Her hands shaking as she wiped down the front of her soccer shorts, she gulped and heaved in a calming breath. It didn’t work, of course it didn’t because Lena was stood on the other side of the door and Kara could practically sense the other woman, _feel_ her presence.

This was it.

‘It’ being the beginning of whatever ‘it’ was, Kara still hadn’t decided what that meant yet. But this would be the first time the two women had laid eyes on one another since that day when everything changed, when everything ended. It was the day that Kara had turned her back on her friends due to the guilt she’d felt in those moments after the accident.

“Are you just going to leave her standing there?” Maggie piped up after fifteen seconds of Kara staring at the door handle, quiet enough that Lena wouldn’t be able to hear her.

“Right.” Kara shook her head, breaking her internal panic attack, she reached out to pull open the door.

Well, it was more of a wrench, really, with more vigour than she thought she possessed, it flew wide with enough force to slip out of her hand and clatter against the wall loudly.

The blonde didn’t notice the sound.

Lena Luthor, in all her wonder and glory was stood before her. In slim skinny jeans – that Kara hadn’t seen her wear since the beginning of college – with a white t-shirt that accentuated all of her curves beautifully so, tucked in at the front. Her long satin hair was draped over one shoulder, framing her face, highlighting her cut jaw and high cheekbones. The raven-haired woman was wearing a light layer of makeup, a natural shade of lipstick and only a small amount of mascara. Her lips were parted in a manner that made Kara feel as though Lena was just as surprised to be staring at her, too.

And then their eyes met after they’d finished racking in one another appearance. Kara’s old college hoodie, hair tied up in a high ponytail, soccer shorts, her bare leg and then finally, to the prosthetic below her right knee. The blonde gulped. It wasn’t like Lena hadn’t seen it before, she’d been in the hospital with her after all, but her eyes bore into her soul as though she was looking for something.

Confirmation that it had all been true, perhaps? That she was alive and safe? That she was still Kara.

Kara’s heart fluttered in that way that made her feel light headed, her knees weak and wobbly. The feeling reminded the blonde of how the group used to sneak off into the woods together when James had managed to score them all some weed. That feeling of floating, heavy eyes and slow breaths.

Weightless.

“Lena.” Kara whispered out through a trembling exhale. Those bottomless green eyes were gazing back at her with something that the reporter was still struggling to distinguish. “Hi.” It made her nervous, not being able to read Lena’s mind, work out where her train of thoughts were taking her.

“Hey.” Lena’s voice was just as inaudible, tender and soothing and it took everything that Kara had not to invade the woman’s personal space and hug her.

She really wanted to.

Craved the contact now that Lena wasn’t behind the screen of a TV.

“Come in.” the blonde stepped aside with a slight heaviness to her gait, leaving room for Lena to walk around her. Their eyes remained glued together until Lena realised they weren’t alone in the blonde’s apartment.

Alex and Maggie sat awkwardly beside one another at the island, mouths still full of food as though they had stopped chewing to regard the strange interaction between Lena and Kara. The older of the two Danvers’ cleared her throat and smiled weakly. “Luthor.” It was friendly, enough so to trigger the memories of their time before the accident, easing some of the tension fuelled static in the air.

However, it was apparent that the old term of endearment didn’t have the same impact as it once used to. Too much had happened between then and now and her family name was something to be scorned, something bitter to taste the word on your tongue. It took Lena a moment, barely noticeable, but she composed herself quickly and gave Alex and Maggie a polite smile. “Hello, Alex, Maggie.” She was in CEO mode, feeling out of her comfort zone and ready to bolt if she felt purposefully threatened. Or fight. Kara wasn’t sure, but she’d never met this side of Lena before and it was a new experience for them all.

The raven-haired woman glanced between Alex and Maggie.

“Oh,” Kara jumped to change the subject. “They brought breakfast.”

Lena turned as Kara spoke, smiling at her with the corners of her mouth turned up and that same smile in her eyes. She turned back to Maggie and Alex and smiled at her old friends. “Thank you.”

Finding the pins on her leg suddenly a lot more interesting than the goddess beside her, Kara tried to ignore the way she could hear the words drip from her tongue.

“We got you coffee and a bagel, wasn’t sure if you’d changed your order since, well… so we just got you your old one.” Alex explained, hopping down off the stool. “We’re going to head back to our place and pick up a few more things, leave you two to whatever it is that the kids do nowadays…” She gestured with her hand between Kara and Lena, causing the blonde’s blush to prickle up her skin once again. She had a feeling that that would be happening a lot over the weekend if Maggie’s smirking face from behind her girlfriend was anything to go by. Alex turned to Kara. “So, you have the directions and everything packed. Crutches, socks, spare silicone.” Kara nodded in affirmation, her things had been sat by her front door for the past three days, anticipation dragging the days by agonisingly slowly. “Call me if you need anything, we’ll meet you there.”

“Okay, _mom_.” Kara replied with mock annoyance, shoved at her shoulder and pushed the two women towards the door. “We’ll see you later.”

“Lena.” Maggie called behind her, Alex tugging her towards the door. “Be cool, little Danvers.” She said, for no other reason than to leave the blonde drowning in her own flustered fit of embarrassment, she was sure of it.

“Oh my god.” Kara buried her face into her hands, chuckling to herself. “I’m sorry about that.”

Lena’s shoulders were quaking with her own laughter. Kara realised she’d probably thrown Lena into the deep end, coming around to her apartment to be met face to face with three of them in one go. The blonde herself had found it daunting enough having coffee with Winn and they were alone. “It’s quite alright.” The younger woman hesitated for a moment before place her hand gently on the reporter’s bicep, pulling Kara’s head upwards. “You look well.” The statement was loaded, heavy with implications but that was all it was, a statement. It didn’t need an answer and Lena clearly didn’t expect one.

“I’m doing alright.” Kara nodded somewhat awkwardly. “So, coffee?” She held up the cup meant for the CEO and handed it over to Lena, earning her a grateful smile that beamed through green eyes. Kara was aware that by this time in the morning, this coffee was no way her first and she smiled to herself, remembering how Lena would have four before her morning lectures and by the end of the day she’d be a pent-up ball of energy.

“Did you manage to get all of that work done?” Lena asked, remembering their conversation from the other night. She climbed up onto the stool and Kara had to hold back a laugh at the CEO’s struggle. She was shorter than she remembered her being, despite the way in which Lena held herself now, tall and powerful with squared shoulders and a grace that could only come with heading a multibillion-dollar company.

She was also wearing converse, so maybe that had something to do with it, too.

“Most of it, I can get some done on the road or wait until we come home.” Kara explained, taking a sip of her own coffee, eyeing the bagels in the bag.

Lena frowned at that. “If _I’m_ resisting the urge to work this weekend, then you are too.” It was teasing but Kara knew Lena meant it. There was no doubt that Lena was a workaholic and if she moved around her meetings and work schedule for this weekend to happen, then Kara could at least give herself a weekend off.

The reporter mockingly contemplated that for a moment, tapping her chin thoughtfully with an arch of her brow. It wasn’t until Lena’s head tilted back and her laughter filled the room that Kara broke her façade, her own grin splitting her face in two. “ _Fine_.” Kara exaggerated the word playfully. “No work this weekend.”

Lena could only grin in response, an enormous toothy smile that mirrored the gleam in her eyes. And that was when Kara remembered her thought from their first phone call earlier that week. She’d wondered if anyone had seen those laughter lines on the edges of Lena’s eyes and the corners of her mouth. They were there now, as the CEO smiled at her, it felt as though she was smiling straight into her soul, but those laughter lines had very rarely been used in the past two years. Kara could see it in the way they stressed her skin, tight and barely visible, replaced by the frown lines between Lena’s eyebrows. She wondered if her own face held the same sadness.

“Breakfast?” The reporter’s hunger had finally gotten the better of her, she held up the two brown paper bags and smiled suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows. She needed a distraction, something to prevent her from reaching out and stroking her thumb against them.

“I’m assuming that one is yours.” Lena gestured to the bulging back which earned her a cheesy, knowing grin from Kara. Lena shook her head with something akin to disbelieving amusement. “You still haven’t lost that appetite.”

*

It was well past ten o’clock before Kara and Lena began carrying the blonde’s stuff down to the other woman’s Range Rover. The two had lost themselves in conversation, Kara doing most of the talking, Lena seemed happy enough just to sit and listen. Between nervous lip biting and Kara cautiously pushing her glasses up her face, they’d easily lost track of time.

They were running behind schedule by the time they hit the road. Alex would be pissed, turning up late, but Kara couldn’t find it in herself to be too worried about it. They’d managed to fall into something comfortable, conversation coming to them easily, as though they hadn’t spent the past two years apart.

Lena was slouched in the driver’s seat, one hand clutching the wheel while the other was resting in the centre console, tapping away to the Fleetwood Mac song that was sounding through the speakers. Kara had been hesitant at first, but ten minutes into the journey, she’d kicked off her Nikes and hauled her sock clad foot up onto the dashboard. Lena, if it had been anyone else – not that it would have been because she wasn’t one for letting herself get close to people anymore – would have slammed her foot on the breaks and slapped their feet away. But watching the blonde, comfortable in her presence, just as though they were still in college, felt nice, comforting that they could still act as if nothing had changed.

“Reporter at CatCo, that must be exciting?” Lena finally piped up when Kara fell into a lull of silence from her own constant chatter.

“I mean, it’s great, and I love doing what I do, but Snapper isn’t so great, and it’s no _Daily Planet_.” Kara explained, picking at her fingernails as she spoke.

“You always wanted to do what Clark did.” Lena nodded, remembering all the times Kara had talked about her cousin, her words filled with enthusiastic admiration.

Kara turned to face Lena, a somewhat surprised expression on her face. “Yeah, I did.” She pushed her glasses up her face shyly. “I don’t know, though, at the moment I’m sort of stuck. Snapper – that’s my boss – doesn’t like me very much and it feels like I’m not moving on to where I want to be.”

“Where do you want to be?” Lena turned down the radio ever so slightly, adjusting to the change in topic. She glanced over at Kara, the road ahead predominantly clear, as they hit the back roads heading into the mountains. The sun was glaring down, hot and heavy, lighting the trees bright with emerald flames.

Kara shrugged half-heartedly. “I’m in the middle of figuring that out.” She couldn’t bring herself to look over at Lena in the driver’s seat, sunglasses in place as she stared dead ahead at the road.  

Lena was quiet for a moment, her hand still tapping along to the quiet music. And then she turned to face the blonde, just for a millisecond, and Kara caught that radiant smile that was directed at her, for only her, and her heart welled ten times its usual size in her chest. “I know you will.”

It was the first time in over a year that Kara actually believed those words, this time spoken aloud rather than bouncing around the dullness of her mind. It was warming to hear, sparking something in the base of her neck, triggered by that simple belief and that less than simple smile. It was refreshing, feeling like another pathway was opening before her, giving her another option instead of being stuck at those same dead-end crossroads.

It took a few seconds for Kara to realise she was grinning at the other woman like a complete idiot, even once Lena had turned back to face the road, her smile didn’t falter. “If you keep smiling at me like that I’m going to crash.” The CEO teased playfully.

“Sorry.” Kara could only turn away, shifting her own body to face forwards but even that didn’t cause the smile to slip away into a passive expression. She should have been embarrassed that she’d been called out but the happy feeling that was bubbling between them both – Kara was sure that Lena could feel it too – was enough to keep her charged and full of energy.

Lena let out a breath of a laugh, shaking her head with quiet amusement. The volume of the radio was turned back up as some Top 40 song began to play through the sound system. The raven-haired woman’s hand stopped tapping away between them and came up to rest beside the other on the steering wheel.

“So, apart from inheriting a multibillion-dollar corporation…” Kara’s voice was light and playful, reassuring Lena that she wasn’t about to judge or bring up the obvious elephant in the room… or car... “What have you been up to?”

“Nothing.” Lena shrugged. “Like at all.” She let out a dry laugh and shook her head, this time in feigned amusement. “All I do is work now, I don’t really have time to do anything else.” While a smirk played at the corner of Lena’s mouth, the tone of her voice didn’t match what her face was portraying. She sounded tired, fed up.

Leaning over the centre console, Kara nudged the younger woman’s arm playfully. “The life of a workaholic.” She teased with a mockingly wistful tone.

“Thank god for Winn and his brilliant brain.” Lena leant into the blonde’s touch. Kara was sure the other woman nearly followed her into the passenger seat, and she had to will herself not to pull Lena across and into her lap.

“Not as brilliant as yours, I doubt you would have had us camping in the middle of nowhere.” Kara chuckled to herself, oblivious to the impact her own words had on Lena.

The CEO hummed at that, her smile coming back to her mouth with verve. “I don’t think I would have had it in me to send those invites in the first place.” Notwithstanding her words, Lena managed to keep a light airiness to her tone and she smiled gently, tilting her face in Kara’s direction, her eyes still on the road as they slowly crept into the mountains.

The road began at a slight incline, gentle enough that it was barely noticeable, the trees growing thicker around them, first oak, scattered here and there, and then evergreen, crammed together with barely any space to breathe. It was relaxing, comforting, once the city limits were miles behind them. They’d been driving for no more than two hours and it was though they had slipped into a different world.

The mid-day sun shone down through the thick canopies, casting green shades of light across the forest floor. The two women were sat in a comfortable silence, solaced by the other’s presence.

But of course, that feeling would never last forever.

As the song came to an end, the opening jingle to the local news station sounded through the car, overly cheerful, creating a false sense of comfort that replaced the genuine. Kara had never been one to pay much attention, nor had Alex, subsequently, when they would car pool one or the other would have their phones synced to the car’s sound system. But this was Lena’s car and she wasn’t about to take charge of the radio, despite being shot gun and all.

And then the news anchor began on the daily ‘Luthor’ rant, causing the tension in the air to sky rocket to almost static proportions. The guy on the radio commenced by reminding his listeners – to Kara’s disbelieving infuriation – of all the crimes that Lena’s father had committed, embezzlement among the long list, as though the National City population needed reminding. And then came Lex, his name mentioned in an almost sympathetic tone before delving deep into the story of the that January night owing to his father’s behaviour.

Kara gulped painfully. Her right leg had suddenly become stiff, cramping in her upper thigh before the feeling travelled down into her none existent ankle. She tried to ignore the familiar phantom pains, a reminder that she’d skipped her morning dose of gabapentin in the midst of all the excitement.

It took the older woman a moment to build up enough courage to glance in Lena’s direction but when she did, her heart felt as though it was about to crumble in her chest. It was painful and heavy and Kara wanted to reach out and pry the raven-haired woman’s grip away from the steering wheel. Her knuckles white. Jaw set. And despite not being able to see through Lena’s glasses, the blonde could guess at the cold glare that the woman was burning in the road ahead due to their shared chaos.

However, it was when the anchor began talking about the youngest sibling, her ties to that night, that Kara finally snapped, the memories flaring to the forefront of her mind. She jammed her forefinger a little too forcefully into the button and the radio went dead. Though, the silence sounded louder than the man’s impertinent tone and insolent words. Who was he, a small-minded person, oblivious to the true nature of the woman sat beside her, to suggest that the world was waiting for Lena to slip up too?

“I’m sorry, Lena.” Kara’s voice was barely above a whisper but she didn’t hold back this time, and reached across the seemingly immeasurable space between them. Her hand came to land gently on the younger woman’s wrist, tugging softly until it was released and settled back down onto the centre console.

She didn’t push the blonde’s hand away. “It’s okay.” It wasn’t, that much was clear to the both of them. The younger woman’s shoulders were tense and her lips were pulled into a tight line just as they had been in Kara’s apartment that morning. “It wouldn’t be a news report without a bit of Luthor name tarnishing.” Her words were cold and bitter and for the first time since they became friends, five years ago in college, Kara was taken aback by her voice.

“Lena-”

“They did this.” Lena cut her off, shaking her head. “I wasn’t Luthor enough for him but apparently I’m as good as for the media.” At her words, Kara tangled their hands together, smoothing over Lena’s white knuckles with delicate fingers. She ignored the way goose bumps erupted up the CEO’s arms in favour of thinking over her words before she spoke.

“They don’t know you, Lena.” _You’re more than a few put together letters and syllables._ She wanted to say but kept her mouth closed. “They don’t know us, they don’t know what we went through that night.” The blonde wasn’t all sure of how to go about this, she wasn’t sure what Lena needed anymore. Hell, they’d all changed since the accident, it was inevitable. Life was hard and demanding and it wouldn’t change for you so you had to change for it. Steeling yourself and building walls tall enough to keep the damage and back lash from your heart.

And Lena had a lot of walls, so much so that she was practically metal to the core.

But that was the thing, down to her heart, she was still Lena. That little nerdy girl who they all loved and cared about so much. She was still buried beneath it all and this weekend, away from the prying eyes of the media and her ‘tarnished’ name. She’d always be that girl, the one that Kara had fallen so in love for.

Was still in love with now.

“They don’t need to know me. I still have his name. They still did those things and that’s all the media needs.” Her grip was growing tighter around Kara’s hands but the blonde didn’t flinch, just gave the fingers a gentle squeeze until the raven-haired woman let up somewhat. “Sorry.” Lena whispered as a dusting of pink flush climbed up her neck.

“You still have people who do know you, though. People who care about you and know you’re not like them.” If today was going to be anything to go by, it was that this weekend was going to be filled with heavily loaded comments and silent declarations.

Lena was quiet for a moment, her hand loosening from Kara’s but she didn’t pull it away, despite the strangely intimate implications behind it. “I couldn’t count those people on one hand anymore.”

Kara, with that beaming smile plastered to her face, feeling her heart stutter in her chest as the words formed on her lips. “Maybe after this weekend we can both use two.”

And at that, Lena’s grip tightened impossibly around her fingers, harder and harder as though the younger woman was scared that Kara was about to float out of the window and away into the clouds. “I’d like that.”


	4. Reunited Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank you all for the amazing responses despite the pretty heavy topic. I also wanted to warn you that this is where it begins to get a bit darker and if you don't want to read any gory details, to skip anything in italics as this is the beginning of the flash backs to the accident, These flashbacks with feature in every chapter from now, but I will try and keep anything seriously grotesque out because no one really wants to read that. 
> 
> anyway.... on with the show I suppose!   
> enjoy.

* * *

 

 

Chapter 4

_January 31 st 2017 - 17:39 pm _

_Kara, Lena, Alex and Maggie wandered down sixth, the cold air had them wrapped up in hats and gloves, their pace increasing ever so slightly in a need to get out of the streets and into the Pizza place they were heading to. It was only a little after half past five but the sky was already darkening and the street lights were beginning to switch on._

_As they rounded the corner Winn came into view and he stepped into line with them with a grin. “So, Dante’s again?” he rubbed his hands together in front of his body, either with anticipation or because the cold had already gotten to him. “I’m starving.”_

_“Oh, don’t start,” Lena rolled her eyes. “This one has been complaining for the past ten minutes.” She gestured with her thumb in Kara’s direction as they both huddled together to stay as warm as they could._

_The blonde managed to pout around her chattering teeth. “It’s not my fault I have a big appetite.” Kara let out a breathy chuckle when Lena’s elbow caught her gently in her stomach. “_ Ow _.”_

_“Oh please, with all those layers you could be hit by a car and not feel a thing.” Lena teased playfully, linking her arm through Kara’s to tug her closer. The blonde chanced a glance up at the younger woman only to catch her forest green eyes staring back at her and for the life of her, Kara couldn’t will herself to look away. Finding herself wanting to drown in them as they walked._

_“Guys, please stop eye fucking so we can eat.” Lucy’s voice sounded from somewhere in front of them and for the first time since Winn had joined their little group, Kara became aware that they had trailed behind the rest of their friends._

_Lucy and James had rounded the next corner, just before the point where they needed to cross the road, hand in hand. “Excuse you.” Kara muttered, tugging Lena slightly to catch up. It had begun to rain, only a slight haze, the type that stuck to your hair in tiny beads if icy water, soaking every inch of them but not enough to drench the side walk yet._

_“I’m_ starving _.” Lucy grumbled, leading the group onwards and down the next street, she didn’t catch Kara’s snigger at Lena’s eye roll. “Whose terrible idea was it for us to walk?”_

_“There’s nothing wrong with walking places.” Lena piped up._

_“Oh, I should have known that you’d be behind this, Luthor. It’s raining, it’s cold and Dante’s is like a_ mile _away.”_

 _“It’s not a ‘_ mile _away.’” The youngest of the group quipped back._

_“It is when all of us here can drive.” The comment was ignored this time, however, as Alex picked up a conversation with the other woman, James and Winn whispering excitedly about the photographer managing to score the group some weed to share later on that evening. It wasn’t something they often did anymore, not since college anyway, but James apparently had some exciting news to share with the group which called for celebration._

_Kara took that as her opportunity to talk to Lena, voice her feelings that had been niggling at her for a while now, coming to the conclusion that she was ready to tell Lena how she’d felt for so long and something in her heart told her that maybe Lena felt the same way too._

_Life was picking up, Kara was a year into the internship at CatCo and everyone else was moving on, too. She didn’t want to waste another moment. “Hey,” Kara whispered, low enough that the others couldn’t hear her. She gave Lena’s arm a gentle squeeze to draw the younger woman’s attention to her, slowing their pace to a leisurely stroll._

_Lena turned her head to give Kara her rapt attention. The blonde faced away from the road, beginning a sort of side step as they wandered down the side walk. She had a good few minutes yet, before they reached the pizza place._

_“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she started nervously, wanting to fiddle with her hands but finding it difficult to do so with their arms linked._

_Lena stared up at her thoughtfully, a kindness in her eyes that never failed to set Kara’s heart alight, leaping out of her chest as though it was aching to meld with Lena’s in the space between them._

_Kara opened her mouth to voice her feelings when suddenly Lena’s face was lit, bright with light emanating from somewhere behind the blonde. At first, Kara thought it was the heavens opening up, a beam of hope shining down on her, but as the building behind Lena lit up as well, the older woman put it down to hopefulness and silly dreaming._

_Until the screeching of car tires filled the street, horns blaring and screams from somewhere nearby._

_Dropping the air around the little group of friends into freezing temperatures._

_*_

The journey in total, only took them three and a half hours and between Kara dozing off every now and then and humming softly to the radio, it was though it had taken no time at all. By the time they arrived at the camp site, about three quarters of the way up the mountain, it was mid-afternoon, the sun high in the sky but the cool air made it feel as though it was a lot later. The heating was knocked on inside of the car, warming the space around them - only half an hour before they hit their destination but their hands remained clasped together, unmoving and unrelenting – on Kara’s part, anyway – to convey that despite the events of that night, she was there for Lena. Grasping tightly to her hand as though her life depended on it.

She wasn’t going to run or push people away anymore.

The fact that Lena, however, hadn’t pulled her hand away either, made the blonde think. _Really_ think. Because surely, Lena must have known, must have known how Kara had felt about her during college, known how she felt about her those years after and in that moment, their hands still connected. After all, the raven-haired woman wasn’t stupid, she was the CEO of a multibillion-dollar company at only twenty-four, and a genius at all things biochemistry and everything ranging from engineering to anything business with two degrees to prove it. Unquestionably, she must have had some sort of inclination towards Kara’s feelings for her? Hell, Kara remembered their first year in college when Lena and Winn had been close to finding a solution to climate change, so why hadn’t she mentioned anything about Kara’s relatively obvious feelings for her?

She wasn’t sure whether Lena’s silence on the matter was reassuring or not. On one hand, she was thankful she didn’t have to face the humiliation of the younger woman calling her out but then again, she felt disoriented, screaming for some sort of hint or inclination, that Lena knew so that they could talk about it, so that Kara could understand where she stood.

She’d come close to telling Lena. A few times. The last, she thought, would have been it, would have been the moment where she could move forwards, either with Lena by her side as a partner or as a friend.

Her mind was reeling when they finally pulled up into the gravel paved parking lot at the camp site. There were only seven other cars there, and the blonde anticipated that most of them belonged to their group of friends.

Seeing them, set her mind at ease, somewhat, and replaced her conflicted nerves with eagerness.

Alex and Maggie were already parked, had been for a while, if their steaming cups of coffee and half eaten corner shop sandwiches were anything to go by – likely collected from the lodge off to the right with a small shop compacted into the building. A green sign hung from a rusty looking metal frame, a white arrow and what looked to be a printed shower symbol directed towards the back of the building.

At least they wouldn’t have to go the weekend without a proper wash.

Alex waved the two younger women over, and once they’d pulled their bags and equipment from the back of Lena’s car, they wandered over. Lena had wordlessly picked up one of Kara’s bags, the blonde too busy concentrating on her footing on the unfamiliar ground to notice. “Took your time.” Alex quipped with a raised brow, her hands planted firmly on her hips.

“We lost track of time.” Lena defended, tugging her rucksack up her shoulder, oblivious to the impact her words had on the other three women.  

The smug amusement flickered and disappeared in Maggie’s eyes with a startling lack of effort on the shorter woman’s part, replaced by an expression of indifference, choosing to hear the innuendo that the raven-haired women hadn’t meant. “Oh, is that so?”

The eldest of the Danvers’ snorted. Entertained by the interaction, she clamped her hand over her mouth at Kara’s glare, hiding her own laughter. “Very funny.” Kara snapped, keeping her blush to a bare minimum, hoping that Lena wouldn’t take any notice of her burning face. Agitatedly, Kara fidgeted with the strings on her hoodie, before shoving her hands into her crutches and grasped the handles with white knuckles. “Ready to go?” Her voice sounded too many octaves higher than it should have. She missed the curious expression that Lena shot her, taking the lead and marching up the pathway into the thick of the trees instead.

Alex was quick to catch up with her sister, somewhere behind them, Maggie and Lena were talking, seemingly finding it easy to converse with one another without the awkwardness that would have been expected between two people who hadn’t seen each other in months. The blonde suspected it was due to their day to day lives - having jobs that relied heavily around interacting with the general public, forming easy small talk for politeness - that they found it so easy. “So, did you guys hear the news report?” Alex kept her voice barely above a whisper as she spoke.

Kara nodded curtly, her face twisting into a bitter expression. “Part of it. When they started talking about us, I turned it off.”

“Good. It got heavy pretty fast.” The older woman rubbed at the back of her neck, a sympathetic expression plastered to her face. It was a good thing that Lena was a few steps behind them, she didn’t care much for sympathy that could be easily misplaced as pity, Kara was used to it by now, however, understanding that it was often inevitable and impossible to avoid. Especially being a topic of the media circus that seemed to have some sort of vendetta against Lena and her family, presenting Lena as a bunch of thrown together letters rather than the beautiful and brilliant woman she was, and surely, Kara being able to see that part of her, should be able to do something about it, being in a position of influence at CatCo.

*

They heard the others before they saw them.

Soft music was playing from what Kara assumed was some sort of speaker set up that Winn had managed to rig together. She wasn’t sure what song it was, something from the eighties, she assumed. The blonde wanted to speed up, practically stumbling her way up the path but the other three women slowed their pace, already feeling slightly intimidated and daunted by the situation that lay ahead of them. Maybe Kara should have felt the same, maybe she did somewhere in the back of her mind, but the adrenaline thrumming through her veins spurred her onwards.

The track levelled out and that was when Kara finally came to a standstill, smiling like the sun, her shoulders spread with glee as she waited for the other women to catch up.

Alex huffed irritably, buckling over to catch her breath. The hill had been steeper than she’d comprehended but the blonde was hardly phased. It was unnerving, really, especially with her leg. “Are you going to be like this all weekend?” She gestured with her hand, waving it over Kara’s overly enthusiastic vibrating body.

“Are you going to complain all weekend?” The reporter bit back, smirk on her face.

Maggie, not wanting to be stuck in the middle of nowhere when the two sisters begin bickering, stepped between them. “Can we maybe decide who’s going to be doing what all weekend once we’ve actually set up camp? My back is killing.” She grimaced, hiking her rucksack further up her shoulders, the metal poles of the tent clanging together loudly from within.

The noise was ostensibly loud enough to draw the attention of their camp mates. The music stopping midway and dropped the group into silence, the only sound was the light breeze of the wind whistling through the tallest canopy of the trees and probably the pounding of Alex and Lena’s hearts.

But Kara, feeling another rush of thrilling excitement, bounced on her foot. Squealing, she clutched at Lena’s and Alex’s hands and yanked them up towards the last incline and into a clearing. Maggie trudging through the dirt to keep up.

This was it.

The beginning of something new and the blonde could feel it.

Whether this weekend went well or not, Kara knew she’d be able to gain some sort of closure for the past two years and maybe possibly, her friends too. The latter of the two options sounded a hell of a lot more appealing but the former being the option she’d be willing to accept with an open heart and new mind set.

“Finally!” Winn clambered to his feet from the small camping chair he’d been perched in. He raced towards the blonde and enveloped her into a bone crushing hug. At the touch, all nerves the blonde had pushed to the back of her mind came barrelling forwards as the realisation that her friends hadn’t seen her standing with her leg since her early days in the hospital. “We were beginning to think you weren’t going to show.” He laughed, but the tone of his voice betrayed him, insecure and nervous.

The ‘we’ he was referring to was James, Lucy and a man she didn’t recognise, all scattered around a small burning camp fire, their tents already set up.

Kara beamed at the man. “Of course, we would come.” She gave him a tight squeeze before pulling away. “We all would.” She hoped she hid her nerves well.

And then he regarded the other women. His smile growing, splitting his face into a big toothy grin. Kara comparing it to one of those toothpaste adverts somewhere in the back of her mind, expecting one of his teeth to catch the light and sparkle obnoxiously. “Alex.” He let out a breathy laugh, tugging her into a one-armed hug, less fierce than the one he’d shared with her sister. “You’re still tall.” He mused, looking her up and down, chuckling at the shove the other Danvers’ sent to his chest.

“You’re still short.” Her tone was defensive, keeping herself locked behind her own walls but allowing the minimum amount of cheerfulness she could muster up to seep through the cracks. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” He stepped back, and then his eyes landed on Lena. He didn’t try hiding his surprise. Winn’s eyes grew wide, somewhat perplexed by the woman’s appearance, eyes roaming up and down her body in a way that made the youngest woman feel as though he was trying to make out whether she was a hologram or not – no one would have put it past the CEO to have invented such a thing to avoid social interactions. “My god, you came.” He breathed out in something akin to amazement, his smile beaming impossibly wide, brighter than anything he’d ever sent Lena before. “Lena, come here.”

He yanked Lena into a hug, gentle at first, allowing her time to adjust and pull away if she so wished. Kara caught green eyes over his shoulder, lost and flickering around trying to find a way out. But then they softened once they found blue reassuring orbs and she settled, bringing her arms up around Winn’s shoulders. “Hi.” Lena croaked out.

The moment didn’t last long, not with everyone else surrounding them, starring at the woman as though she could bolt at any moment. The CEO pulled away, clearing her throat and stepped back to stand beside Kara. The blonde closed the space, allowing her arm to brush against Lena’s in a way she hoped was comforting. “Long-time no see, Sawyer.” Winn turned to face Maggie, his grin relaxing into a kind, welcoming smile.

Kara let out a soft sigh, a sense of pride bubbling up in her chest. “Hey.” Maggie offered, smacking the man on his shoulder before he could pull her into a hug.

That was when Lucy and James came to join the congregation. “Nice shorts, Danvers.” Lucy nudged Kara playfully, causing the blonde to gape at her in shock, her mouth bobbing open and closed as she tried to form words. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone that Lucy would be the first to mention Kara’s new appendage.

Kara managed to regain her composer a moment later and around a dry throat and a hammering heart she said, “They’re the only thing in my wardrobe that let me show these off.” She hoisted her leg up slightly to give the woman a clear view, “I paid a fortune for these Gazelles, and I’ll be damned if I don’t wear something that matches.” Kara feigned her indifference, pretending to show off her trainers.

“Nice comeback.” Winn stage whispered, tilting his head towards Alex who could only nod in agreement, a proud smile spreading across her lips. The eldest sister had been by Kara’s side every step of the way, through tantrums and breakdowns to mood swings and anxiety attacks. She held Kara through it all and despite what the blonde may have suspected of her sister, Alex had caught onto her nerves the second they’d received the invites.

The reporter wasn’t one for discussing the obvious change in her appearance, even when someone brought it up in the politest manor they could muster, she’d always revert in on herself as though she was slipping back into the woman she was those weeks in the hospital. Alex hated it and she hated how it had made Kara turn shy and anxious in a lot of situations she’d once been able to thrive.

“Damn.” Lucy muttered. A grin spreading across her face. “I’ve missed you.”

James, never one for being subtle, let out something crossed between a squeal and a yelp as he jumped forwards and yanked his girlfriend and Kara into a bone crushing hug.

“Ugh, god, get off me.” Lucy wiggled her way out, squeezing through the gap between the two taller friends.

The reporter tugged nervously at the collar of her neck, the material feeling too tight around her throat. She suddenly felt like a bit of a fool after the year she’d spent wallowing in self petty, too ashamed to face her friends, scared of what they might think of her after the amputation.

“Hi, I’m Mike.” The stranger, who everyone seemed to have forgotten about, saved Kara from a world of embarrassment, lost in her own thoughts. He approached the group, resting a hand gently on Winn’s lower back. “Winn’s boyfriend.”

“Oh my _god_.”

*

After what seemed a good few minutes of the group coming to terms with a lot of new found information, they all finally settled into the site.

They set up their tents quickly, well Alex and Lena did. Maggie cracked open a beer with James, kicking her feet up to ‘ _admire_ the view’, while Kara sat in a crumpled heap of tent fabric, poles jutting out in every which direction.

It was chaos, really.

Winn had made a big deal about them being out in the wild and therefore, cell phones, tablets and anything electronic – that was including their camping stoves – would be confiscated. The man collected everything together into a plastic box and hid them beside his tent, despite everyone’s disgruntled protests.

Lena sent her fleeting glances, chuckling to herself. The blonde tried to convince herself that that definitely wasn’t the reason she was struggling, hoping she could pass it off as lack of tent pitching experience.

Eventually, Mike came over to give her a hand and within minutes, it was finished instead of resembling something from a war zone. “Thanks.” She cheered, high fiving the man with a little too much force. Her palm stinging.

“No problem.” Mike smiled before he wandered back over to Winn’s side and tossed an arm around his shoulder. “I’m hungry, is anyone else hungry?” he asked, nose in the air, evidently trying to sniff out any food that may be roaming around their site. As far as first impressions went, Kara figured he was a pretty decent guy and if he could match her appetite then she was sure they’d get on just fine.

“Starving.” Kara marched over to a log that was laying down parallel to the fire pit.

Lena dropped down beside her, handing over a bag of popcorn. “Kara, you just ate four bagels on the ride over.” She deadpanned, though the gleam in her eyes had the blonde blushing at her words. A fondness in those forest green spheres that had her heart flat lining and palpitating all in one.

“I…” It was apparent that on top of everything that Kara suspected to come from this weekend, she would also be reduced to a babbling, bumbling mess around the CEO. “But, _food_.” That was a good enough explanation for anyone in Kara’s books. 

“You’re instable.” Lena shook her head with glee, allowing her own laughter to ripple through her body, the action causing her to lean into Kara’s side.

The blonde, allowing the sound emanating from the younger woman to pass straight through her chest and settle in her heart, burrowing deeper and deeper into her soul, was unable hold back her smile. The sound was light and airy, freer than Lena had sounded all day and without thinking about it, Kara enveloped Lena in a one-armed hug, tugging their bodies flush together.

For a fraction of a second, feeling both achingly long yet swifter than a blink of an eye, both women paused, Lena stopped laughing and Kara froze. But the suspension of time was barely noticeable, the action felt so comfortable, so normal and _right_ , that Lena found herself pressing herself further into Kara, the blonde tightening her grip almost unconsciously.

Kara cleared her throat gently, tilting the opened bag of popcorn towards Lena with a caring smile. “You want some?” Her legs were tossed out in front of her, her prosthetic sat at a jaunty angle, her foot pointing towards the sky while her other sat firmly against the ground from heel to toe.

Lena feigned surprise, gasping and holding a palm to her chest. “Miss _Danvers_?” Kara was already chuckling at the sight of this playful side of Lena. She was beginning to worry that the whole crash thing had ruined her. “Are you _sharing_ your food with me? Are you okay?”

Kara scoffed with a playful roll of her eyes, batting the hand away that had reached up to mockingly take her temperature. “Take the food before I change my mind.”

Tugging her bottom lip between her teeth around her own smile, Lena reached into the bag and took a handful of the salted corn – Kara’s favourite – and tossed a piece into her mouth. “Well technically,” she said, munching. “It’s my food.”

“Potato, tomato.” The blonde shrugged, her smile unfaltering on her lips, their eyes still gazing into one another.

A small crinkle formed between Lena’s brows, a playful twitch tugging at her left eyebrow but she didn’t say anything, just watched the blonde with something twinkling, something knowing, in her eyes.

“You two are gross.” Lucy called from the other side of the fire. The air was getting colder now, with the altitude and heavy-set clouds beginning to loom over them, blocking out the warm rays of the mid-summer sun.

Lena and Kara snapped their heads to attention, turning in the direction of the woman’s voice to find her smirking, wrapped up in an oversized jacket which the blonde realised was probably James’. “You’re the one sat in your boyfriend’s jacket.” Kara retorted, smirking at her minor victory.

“I might freeze to death, he’s just being nice.” Lucy grinned teasingly, tugging the coat tighter around her tiny frame. “Anyway, you’re the one sharing food, since when did you do _that_?”

“Lena might starve to death, _I’m_ just being nice.” The woman beside Kara scoffed quietly, snatching the bag from her hands despite the blonde’s whining protests. “Hey.” Lena had been the only person to resist those puppy dog eyes but regardless of that fact, they hadn’t seen one another in two years. Those deep blue eyes stared across at her, welling with fake tears, glimmering in the flickering flames of the fire.

“Oh, crap.” Lena muttered, low enough for only Kara to hear her. She shoved the bag back into the blonde’s chest and slumped against her side.

“Gross.” Lucy piped up after observing the interaction.

The bickering continued well into the later afternoon, it was friendly and light-hearted but most of all it was easy. As though the past year had been wiped from their time line and they’d spent no time apart at all. It was the most upbeat Kara had felt in a long time. 

It was nice, hearing about everyone’s lives outside of the forest they’d set up camp in, each having their own stories to tell. Even Mike piped up but to no one’s surprise, Lena just listened, commenting here and there but never telling her own stories because of course, most of her life within that past year had been playing out on their TV screens and newspapers like a sitcom, some sort of reality show for people to judge and complain about.

But despite everyone’s seemingly happy stories, Kara had a niggling feeling that they were sugar coating things for the sake of pretences.


	5. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so here's the next chapter. I just wanted to thank you all for the amazing response this has gotten so far. it really means a lot to me.
> 
> I'd just like to point out, of it wasn't obvious already, I'm British so if there's anything in here when it comes to medical care that doesn't seem right to you, I'm mostly going off my own experiences and some googling. 
> 
> if you want to follow me on Tumblr, I'm under the same name as I am on here!

* * *

 

 

Chapter 5

 

_January 31 st 2017 – 17:40 pm_

_‘Someone’s trying to kill me.’ Was the first thought that flashed through Kara’s mind. In reality, she wasn’t even sure what was happening, one minute she was stood talking to Lena, the next she was flying through the air._

_Or was she on the front of the bonnet?_

_The freezing night air was slammed hard into her face, taking the breath out of her lungs and whipped her hair around her head in a wild whirlwind of blonde._

_She was, however, aware that she was being hit by a car._

_Certain in fact._

_She blacked out, as though her brain was buffering and skipping pieces of video. A blur of light that could have been the moderately busy street, it was upside down, another blur of concrete as it grew closer to her face, was tilted too far to the left._

_And then nothing._

_When she came to, it was darker, the sky above was almost black and the rain was pouring. She could hear people, muffled voices as though she was ten feet under water, the pressure squeezing her head tightly._

_She closed her eyes._

_Buffering._

_Someone was standing over her. Their hand on her face. Or was she imagining it? She blinked._

_No one there._

_Buffering._

_“Sweetie, what’s your name?” Kara tried to open her eyes, stretching her face as though she was trying to wake up from a bad dream. Eventual, artificial light filtered into her vision and she groaned. She felt heavy, her body hurt everywhere and she was vaguely aware of a sharp pain somewhere below her waste._

_“Where’s Alex, is Alex okay?” Her words came out slurred, croaky and dry. “What happened?” Kara wasn’t even thinking now, her lips making sounds for her. She didn’t even try to sit up, her body too exhausted._

_“Shush, sweetie, you’ve been in an accident, ambulances are on their way.” For some reason, Kara’s hazy brain managed to pick out the plural, ‘ambulances’ more than one. Her friends had been hurt._

_The blonde’s heart hammered, shocking her body into overdrive. “Go find, Alex. She’s my sister, I’m fine.”_

_Buffering._

_She’d blacked out again but as she came around, she felt visibly more alert. Someone was screaming, she could make out the sound clearly reverberating around the wet, icy air. Kara heaved herself into a sitting position, trying to search the mass of people for her friends but seeing nothing but blurs. She tried for something closer, noticing a white smashed up car pressed against the wall, people crowding around it. That was what hit her. The window was destroyed, caving in like a fractured blanket, black and red scrapes up the front of the bonnet, painting it with streaks._

_She climbed to her feet but felt her right-side collapse under her weight, her body dropped to the group in a heap._

_And then she looked down at her leg._

_No one was screaming, Kara had clamped her mouth shut at the sight and the sound had stopped. Her leg looked shredded, nothing but a mangled mess of skin and bones scattered in all directions. The screaming came louder this time, now that she knew it was her who was doing it._

_Buffering._

_Someone was strapping something around her leg, she could hear the metal of a belt buckle clinking. Kara cracked open her eyes and a strangled sob broke through her chattering lips. She was freezing, her bones felt brittle with the icy air that had enveloped her. She couldn’t cry, it hurt too much, but every now and then a whimper would escape her mouth._

_“Kara.” It was Lena, she could pin point that voice in the midst of a riot if she’d had to and right now was no different. Within seconds she was being cradled into the woman’s lap, a slight inkling of warmth against her skull. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Lena was crying, her voice shook with each word but as the blonde managed to tilt her head backwards, tip her eyes with the movement, she caught sight of something sparkling on the younger woman’s face and knew they were tears. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Kara.” Kara wasn’t sure why Lena was apologising, she hadn’t just ploughed into them with a car but she nodded anyway, clutching desperately at the hands resting against her arms._

_“I’m cold.” Kara muttered, frowning as her eyes began to droop._

_Buffering._

_When the reporter’s eyes opened again, she was wrapped in what she assumed to be a blanket of some sort. She wasn’t sure where it had come from but it wasn’t doing much to keep the cold away._

_Lena was still holding her but this time her face was lit up with red and blue light, a sudden surge of panic raced through Kara’s body because the last time Lena’s face had been lit like that, they’d been run over. She began to wheeze and choke on the cold air, trying to move Lena out of the light. “Hey, shush.” She’d stopped crying and Kara had stopped screaming. It was eerily quiet now. “The ambulances are here.”_

_*_

 

“Kara, aren’t you going to unpack?” Lena asked, settling down beside the reporter with two bottles of beer in her hand, startling the blonde out of her trance as she gazed off into the crackling flames of the fire. The glass of the bottle was dripping wet; the CEO having just pulled them from the bucket of water that had once been filled with ice to keep the drinks cool. Kara had often found herself slipping into silent moments such as that, where her mind wandered and her memories took over. They always came in flashes, sometimes she remembered something new, sometimes she struggled to remember anything at all and what was real and what had been hallucinated that night was often hard to differentiate.

Gratefully taking one of the offered bottles, Kara popped the cap with a bottle opener attached to her key chain. “I’ll do it later, I’m too comfortable to move.” She handed Lena her keys to do the same. Kara’s tent was set just behind them, close enough to Lena’s for it to be positioned deliberately but not obviously so. Her pillow was the only thing sat inside its four walls, her rucksack tossed haphazardly beside the log.

She felt drained, losing herself in her thoughts did that to her. Remembering that night wore her down to the point of sleep.

The sun had set over an hour ago, the air growing chilly as darkness fell. The only light that illuminated their camp came from the handful of solar powered lamps that Alex and Maggie – being the responsible ones – had decided to bring along with them and the deep orange glow from the camp fire, the burning wood inside crackling and sparking.

It was a warm glow, unlike the harsh flashes of car headlights and red and blue.

Alex and Maggie had cuddled up beside Kara and Lena, their backs propped up against the log and a thick blanket beneath their outstretched legs. It was disgustingly adorable and Lucy had had plenty to say on the matter.

Thick clouds of white fog filled the air inches from their faces as their warm breaths met the cold. Kara hadn’t noticed, but she’d wordlessly shifted closer to Lena, almost craving the other woman’s body heat against her side. Lena tensed for a moment, her breath hitching in her chest before she brought the bottle of beer to her mouth and sipped the freezing liquid. Kara could hear her gulp, hear her lips leaving the glass rim and the ring on her thumb tap against the side ever so slightly. It took a second or so of heavy, calming breaths – for some unknown reason to the blonde – but Lena’s shoulder eventually dropped, relaxing into herself again.

Kara, towards late afternoon, had begun worrying about the younger woman, how she’d seemed closed off, lacking any lengthy responses to questions and a wary and withdrawn participation in overall conversation.

The reporter understood, she did. Lena had gone through so much since that night, a lot, that if it were to be written down and sold as a book, many would find it hard to believe. So, somewhere in the back of her mind, despite the constant mantra repeating itself telling her that this weekend would be good for them, would repair broken ties, loose ends and maybe help Kara get used to the idea that she was different but hopefully her old friends would still see her the same, the voice in the base of her brain was telling her that maybe this was _forced_. That it might not have been a good idea for everyone, that some things just couldn’t be repaired.

Then the guilt settled in.

It simmered low in her gut and began to rise like bile, just as it had done a year ago while she sat in a hospital bed with nothing below her knee but empty space, some sort of machine pumping fluids out of her leg sat in its place.

What if Lena had only agreed to come because of the blonde’s phone call, because of what had happened to the blonde and Lena still blamed herself? It hurt Kara to think that she’d possibly just gone and thrown Lena into a situation that could just add to everything else she was going through.

Christ, Lena was the one who had to face the backlash, the cruel words printed on newspapers and gossip magazines, the poisonous lies spilled on national television. It was as though they seemed to forget that Lena had been there that night, that she’d been a part of the accident that had rocked the city.

Kara didn’t know what Lena needed now, didn’t know how to help anymore.

Once upon a time, Kara knew Lena like the back of her hand. But now, now she wasn’t so sure. Sometimes the blonde was certain she could recognise Lena, in the way she held herself or spoke a certain word. Sometimes she could see it in her eyes and the way she arched her eyebrow in amusement. But it was never like they used to be.

Kara didn’t know what Lena was thinking anymore, or what she was feeling. Couldn’t gage her responses before they came.

Too much had happened and they’d all changed to the point of being almost unrecognisable.

“You okay?” Lena’s voice pulled Kara from her thoughts for the second time in as many minutes. “You’ve gone quiet.”

“Oh, no.” Kara gave her head a slight shake with a half-hearted smile. “I’m fine.”

“ _Kara_.” A hand gently clasped her lower thigh, a bolt of a memory flashing behind her fluttering eyes, back into the street, the cold rain pouring down on her freezing body but Lena’s hands had held her, kept her grounded and warm and conscious for short moments of time. The blonde couldn’t hold back the quiet gasp at the contact, Lena’s hand shot back as though she’d burnt her. “I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s okay.” Her reply was fast and a little too loud for the comfort of their ears only. Alex tilted her head back to give the pair a curious glance but was drawn back to her conversation with Maggie. “I, erm...” The blonde rubbed awkwardly at the base of her neck where a cold sweat had begun to form. “I sometimes drift off like that, my therapist used to say it was part of my PTSD.”

Lena could only gape at Kara, not anticipating the bluntness of the reply.

“Can I ask you something?” Kara whispered softly, her voice dropping an octave so as not to draw the attention of her sister again. Lena nodded dumbly, still dazed by the previously mentioned PTSD. The other woman stayed silent for a moment, her eyes flickered between Lena, trying to find something she was sure would be there but coming up with nothing. “Did you agree to come because of me?” Kara waited, tense and her shoulders squared. But Lena could apparently only manage a confused frown.

“Of course, I mean, I wasn’t planning on coming, I had those meeting to prepare for, but then you called and-”

“No, I mean…” Kara let out a frustrated sigh, unable to clearly form the explanation she had jumbled together in her brain.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Lena cut Kara off before she could manage to string together her thoughts. She looked up at the younger woman, and there it was. That gentle expression that beamed through her eyes, an expression she’d only caught fractions of throughout the day but now was drawing Kara in with such an intensity like the past year hadn’t happened. This was the old Lena, her Lena.

Kara thought that that was maybe why she agreed, and not because the other woman’s hand had found its way back to her thigh to give it a reassuring squeeze. “Okay.”

Lena stood and handed Kara her crutches, the blonde stared at them for a moment, debating whether or not she could manage across the rugged ground without them. It was dry and it was unlikely that she’d find a wet patch of ground to slip on but walking through a dark wooded area without them probably wasn’t wise. She took the crutches with a grateful smile and stood, her hips stiff with sitting for so long.

Lucy’s head shot up from where it had been resting on James’ shoulder when she spied the two of them retreating into the thick tree line. “You two off to do some _catching_ up?” she teased with an obvious smirk.

If it hadn’t been so cold, Kara probably would have blushed but instead she managed to flip the other woman off as she followed Lena down the precarious track that led to a small creek. They settled on a rock by a pool of water, the stream trickling into it soothingly. For some reason, the sound comforted the blonde enough for her to relax.

Lena and Kara sat side by side, her crutches propped up against a tree a few feet away.

Neither of them spoke.

Settled into the comfortable silence, they revelled in the feeling of being alone without prying eyes.

“I don’t feel guilty anymore.” Lena spoke, barely above a whisper. The sound startled Kara out of her thoughts, making her jump ever so slightly. “I did, for a long time.”

“Lena…”

“I know,” she turned to face Kara. “I know now, that it wasn’t my fault, how could it have been, but at the time…” she trailed off shaking her at her own thoughts swimming in her mind. “He was my brother, and he did this to you, to _us_.”

Kara could hear the shake in Lena’s words, plain and simple. She was trying not to cry but the blonde could feel the sting of her own tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She’d never really spoken about it, not since the hospital and then the police enquiry. It hurt to remember, the flash back to that night and the image of Lena’s face, her leg, her crowds of people surrounding her little group of friends, her family. 

She reached out and pulled the younger woman’s hand into her lap, lacing their fingers together and hoping that it would give Lena some sort of comfort or courage to talk. Kara didn’t trust herself yet. “It took me a while, I started seeing someone, talking about it was hard but it helped. But by that point none of us really talked anymore and I still felt lost.”

Kara heaved in a shuddering breath to calm her racing heart. How was it that two people who hadn’t spoken in over a year, felt the exact same? Felt the same guilt and fear?

“But then Winn sent those bloody invites and for a moment I felt hopeful, I guess. Like we had a chance again.”

“You weren’t going to come.” Kara’s emotions betrayed her once again, her words coming out through a quiver of a whisper, wet with unshed tears.

Lena shook her head. “I wanted to, I needed to see you again but it almost felt like that guilt was going to fizzle back up. I didn’t know if you wanted to see me, how could I just show up without knowing how you felt?”

“I wanted you to come.”

“I know that now, when you called me I couldn’t believe it. At first, I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t want me there-”

“Lena, I would never...” Kara could only shake her head in mild disbelief.

“I didn’t know if you blamed me for you losing your leg.” It was hard to hear the words spoken aloud, for them to come from Lena. At first, she’d been so angry, waking up that Friday morning with nothing but empty space where her calf and foot should have been, she’d needed time to grieve and couldn’t handle to pitiful glances, the worry and horror that her friends held behind their shielded expressionless faces. That’s what had hurt the most. The way people stared at her like she was fragile and broken. She was still their Kara, she knew that now, but back then even she didn’t feel that way.

“I never did.” She gave Lena’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I just needed time to get my head around the whole thing and by then, I’d pushed everyone away.”

“I would have come back to you.” Those words were loaded with so much more than their simple implications. It took Kara back to the moments before the car had hit them, before everything had been turned upside down – literally.

Before Kara had realised what she was doing, Lena was being pulled against her chest in a death grip of a hug, holding her close enough that the shaking of their shoulders as they cried stopped. “We’re both here now.” She managed to utter out around choked sobs.

“If you want me to stay, this time, I will.”

“I need you to stay.”

*

They hadn’t talked about everything, there was still a lot of fears hanging precariously in the air around them and the rest of the group, but as the pair wandered back up to their camp, it was as though a crushing weight had been lifted. They each knew where the other stood.

It was a lot colder now, and Kara’s shorts did nothing to keep her warm. When it finally got to the point where she could no longer hide her shivering, Lena yanked a blanket from her rucksack and pulled it over them both, giving Kara a small smile. “I can’t fit much over my leg.” She offered up as an explanation as to why she was still wearing a little amount of clothing on her lower half. It was easier now, though, the swelling had completely gone down about six months prior but her right light was much bulkier than her own and a lot of the trousers, jeans and sweat pants, she tried to pull on, ended up stretched beyond repair. She mostly stuck to shorts in casual scenarios and dresses when it came to work. She hated it. Missed wearing a decent pair of skinny jeans or slacks. Especially during the winter.

“You’ll just have to move closer to me then, I’m like a furnace.” It was a teasing comment, though the CEO moved closer anyway, wrapping an arm around the blonde’s waste.

“So, who fancies s’mores and horror stories?” Winn cheered from the other side of the campfire, holding up a bag of marshmallows and biscuits high in the air. There was a chorus of groans that followed but no one objected as the bags were handed around the group.

The stories started off pretty tame, the usual dog under the bed, murder in the woods, typical campfire stories. But of course, Maggie being Maggie had a whole repertoire of thrillers that had goose bumps erupting up the back of Kara’s neck and every now and then she’d glance over her shoulder to make sure there wasn’t in fact a psychopath staring at her from behind a tree. “What about Backseat Maniac?” she offered once her third story had come to an end.  

“I guess…” Kara muttered, clinging to Lena’s hand beneath the blanket. She wasn’t scared. Nope. Not at all.

“Don’t worry, little Danvers, Lena will keep you safe.” Lucy quipped from where she was clinging to James just as tightly.

Kara flipped her off once again but didn’t look in her direction as she stared at Maggie with wide eyes, willing her to keep the story tame enough that she’d be able to sleep peacefully alone in her tent.

The detective smirked knowingly at the blonde, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes as she began her next tale. “There's a girl driving along the I-70 on her way back to Colorado after visiting her relatives in Illinois.” She started. Her voice taking on an air of wistfulness that reminded Kara of her old high school literature teacher. “It's about one am and its started raining when she realizes she's almost out of gas. She sees a sign for a gas station about 3 miles ahead and breathes a sigh of relief.”

“Don’t do it!” Mike all but screamed, causing the group to startle. “Sorry.” He muttered with wide eyes and pink cheeks. Winn sniggered and nudged the man playfully. “Continue.”

“But when she gets there she sees it's one of those old run-down family-owned gas stations. She's scared to stop but she really has no other choice. As she pulls in an old man with a disfigured face comes running through the rain.” While she told the story, Lena placed another marshmallow on the end of Kara’s stick for her, holding it over the fire to melt. “He puts the pump in the tank and asks for her credit card. She hands it to him over the top of the window and he runs back inside.”

“He’s going to steal her account details.” Lena whispered teasingly into Kara’s ear, hoping to lighten the air enough for the blonde to relax. Alex chuckled, catching the CEO’s words from where she was sat so close to the pair. Kara, grinning as the pulled the marshmallow away from the flames, she slipped it in between to pieces of biscuit and tore the treat in half, handing a piece over to the other woman.

“After a few seconds, he comes back out and tells the girl she will have to come inside, her card has been denied. Reluctantly, she walks inside.” As she spoke, Maggie’s voice grew lower in pitch, drawing out her words eerily. Kara liked the way she spoke, using her hands to punctuate her story. It was nice, sitting there with her friends, reminding her of how things used to be, of how they still could be.

“The old man grabs her and tries to tell her something but she hits him with a can of oil sitting on the counter.” Another marshmallow – this time with chocolate - was placed on the end of her stick and hovered back over the flames before she could even swallow her last one. “She runs back to her car and takes off with the old man screaming and flailing his arms at her. After driving for a few miles she turns on the radio and starts to relax.” Kara was so lost in the story that she hadn’t noticed the marshmallow begin to blacken and burn. Everyone’s eyes were glued to the detective. “As she looks in the rear-view mirror, she sees someone pop up in the back seat holding an axe above their head. It's the last thing she ever sees. Apparently, the old man at the gas station was trying to warn her.” Goosebumps shudder down the blonde’s body, the super friends staring wide eyed at Maggie as she finished with a grin on her face, pleased with the reaction she’d earned.

“You’re sick.” Lucy whispered with a lacing of horror around her own words.

“Not my fault I know how to tell a good story.” She shrugged half-heartedly, cockily leaning back into Alex.

No one spoke for a moment, reeling in the story, lost in their own thoughts, probably wondering how they were supposed to sleep now. Until Mike called out. “ _Kara_. Your s’more is on _fire_.”

The blonde jumped, flicking the stick to try and release the burning lump of sugar on the end of it but only managing to fling the fireball backwards through the air. It happened in slow motion after that. A flaming ball, something akin to an old film about castles and sieges, barrelled towards her tent. “Oh shit.” Kara muttered. For a moment, nothing happened. The burnt s’more landed on the smooth fabric at the base, where the walls were attached to the pegs. She almost breathed out a sigh of relief, moving to stand to flick the flames away from her home for the next few nights, until the whole thing burst into flames almost comically.

Everyone clambered up at once, Maggie and Mike diving on the fiery fabric to extinguish the fire while James and Lucy hauled the last of the beers out of the bucket of water to toss it at the tent. Winn, Lena, Alex and Kara could only watch in horror as the tent collapsed, sizzling out into nothing but charged strips of soaking mess.

“Kara…” Alex started.

“Good thing I didn’t unpack.” She gestured to her bag perched against the other side of the log.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the horror story was rubbish, I guess it's one of those things where it's scarier told in the woods, pitch black and loads of creepy noises around you because I swear I couldn't sleep for like a week after I went on a camping trip with my friends and they told this story. 
> 
> Also yes, the thing with the tent actually happened to me once, only that I had actually unpacked my things, so that had been fun.


	6. Phantom Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so I'm not that keen on this chapter, the closer I get to the surgery the harder I'm finding it to write down but oh well, ii'm powering through. 
> 
> there are a few nights a month my brother wakes up like this and the only way he has found that helps him is if something solid is placed at the end of his leg, it usually works better with a hand but yeah. 
> 
> also, I just wanted to say that if anyone has any questions - like I say, I'm British and a few things may not add up or what not - just give me a shout either on Tumblr (under the same name) or on here! 
> 
> hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

 

 

Chapter 6

 

_January 31 st 2017 – 17:55 pm_

_“Your mom’s on the phone.” Kara was being placed onto a stretcher, already pumped full of drugs to numb the pain but at least she’d stopped screaming. She could see Maggie climbing into the back of an ambulance through the pouring rain, illuminated by the flashing red and blue lights._

_Lena was crouching by her side, holding the phone towards Kara’s ear. “Hey mom.” Kara managed to croak out. Her throat was dry with screaming._

_“Kara, oh my god. Are you okay? What happened?” Eliza rushed out in one hurried breath, her own fear evident even through the crackling phone line, drowned out by sirens and the shouting coming from the crowds around them._

_“We were hit by a car.” She was laughing. She wasn’t sure why but suddenly the whole situation seemed awfully hilarious. “I’m okay, though. I won’t leave the house ever again, I’ll just order the pizza next time.”_

_Buffering._

_Lena was staring at her with worried eyes, clinging to her hand for dear life as they sat in the back of the ambulance. The light was brighter in there. Casting dark shadows across her face. Lena had scraped the left side of her face, bloody and grazed. Somewhere out of the corner of her eyes, Kara could see a medic fussing about Lena’s thigh but she didn’t seem to be in much pain nor did she seem to notice. All the blonde could focus on were those deep green orbs staring down at her._

_“He’s dead.” Lena whispered. Kara was struggling to match her voice to her lips, the sound travelling to her eyes long after Lena had spoken them. “Lex, he was driving the car.”_

_Buffering._

_The room was swimming above her head, sharp white and blue lights burning her eyes as they steadily began to flicker open. She knew she was in the hospital, that strong smell_ of _anaesthetics_ _hitting her senses. People were talking but she was too far gone to process their words. She tilted her head to the right only to be met by a green curtain but she could see the top of someone’s head, bloody and wrapped in layers and layers or red dyed gauze._

_James._

_Buffering._

_The back of her bed had been lifted so that she was moved into a sitting position, she was drowsy and definitely as high as a kite. She looked down at her leg, feeling like it had been hours since she’d last done so. It had been wrapped in a cast, a thick white block encasing the limb. Her toes – or what she suspected once were toes – had turned black, covered in a thick layer of blood and dirt._

_She gagged feeling burning acid rise in her stomach._

_The contents of her empty stomach spilling down her chest._

_Someone came over to help her but by then she’d fallen back into darkness._

_Buffering._

_Someone was screaming and this time she knew it wasn’t her. Kara’s eyes snapped open and found Alex huddled in the corner of the emergency room, Maggie wrapping her arms tightly round her. The FBI Agent was balancing on a crutch, a black brace firmly wrapped around her knee. She was staring at Kara in horror as though she’d just woken up straight out of a horror movie. Her face was pail and her eyes were red and blotchy with tears._

_In the end, a nurse asked her to leave, sending her out into the waiting room on the other side of the doors._

_She was alone again._

_“Kara?” It took the blonde a moment to realise it was James speaking._

_“James.” She sounded relieved but her voice shook with fear despite herself. “Are you okay?”_

_“I’ve got a hole in my head.” He chuckled, and then they both began to laugh, a manic sound that probably sounded horrifying to anyone who heard it as they passed by the ER. There was a nurse busying herself with a tray of something and two more huddled around James’ head. The curtain had been pulled aside. “You’re doing great.” He reassured her once he realised that her laughter had turned into sobs once again. “You’re so brave.”_

_“What happened?” she was reaching out into the space between them but there was a good three meters of seperation. Her hand hung still in dead air._

_“I don’t know,” It was James who was crying now. Heavy sobs that the blonde never thought she would ever hear coming from him. “I just remember walking and then waking up on the road, in the rain and then there was blood.”_

_Buffering._

_She came back around what seemed like hours later. The room was louder, maybe it was the medication wearing off. Her eyes focussed on a blonde woman hovering over her, she was crying - her usually strong facade having withered away – as she spoke to someone else in the room._

_“Mom.” Kara managed to choke out. Eliza was clutching her hand, her nails digging painfully into her daughter’s skin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”_

_Eliza jumped at the sound, pouncing forward to examine her youngest daughter. She was speaking but Kara’s mind was lagging somewhere behind her, left out on the street with the crumpled car._

_“Is Alex okay?”_

_She caught snippets of sentences, jumbled and probably in a mixed-up order. “…shock… dislocated… safe.”_ Safe _. Alex was okay. She needed it confirmed, even though she’d seen her sister with her own eyes, the truth from their mother meant a lot more._

_“Lena, I need Lena.” Kara hadn’t seen the raven-haired woman since the ambulance and the sudden realisation that she may not have been as okay as she’d first thought, hit her like a ton of bricks. Heavy, knocking the wind out of her chest._

_“She’s outside honey, do you want me to go get her for you?” Fear prickled somewhere deep in her gut at the idea of being left along again._

_“No, no, don’t leave me, please.”_

_Buffering._

_The next time she realised she was conscious, she wasn’t sure how long she’d been awake for, just suddenly aware that her eyes were open and she was staring vacantly ahead at the wall on the far side of the room. The doctor was talking to her but she wasn’t taking in his words, beside her, Eliza nodded here and there and she was thankful that someone had their head together enough to listen for her._

_Lena came running through the door, looking worse than she had in the ambulance. Her face was cleaner, but there was an angry red cut down her cheek that was quickly bruising. She wasn’t wearing her jeans now either, instead she was wearing a pair of shorts that she recognised to be Maggie’s old cadet shorts. Her thigh was bandaged up. Hair ruffled in all directions, pushed away from her tear stained face. “…my mother, she’s going to…” Kara could feel the morphine thrumming through her veins._

_She was all of a sudden overwhelmed with the distinct scent of Lena, vanilla and coconut, but it was mixed with something else, gasoline, rain and something like disinfectant. She was hugging her, but before Kara could register the action, Lena was already pulling away. “No, don’t pull away yet, just a little bit longer.”_

_Lena chuckled at that, a wet sounding laugh filled with relief and pain, but she did as she was asked, holding Kara as the blonde’s arms snaked heavily around her waist. “You scared me.”_

_“I love you, Lena.” Kara was crying again, or she thought she was, her chest hurt and her face was wet._

_“I love you, too.” She remembered a pair of warm lips against her temple before everything went black once again._

_*_

“Kara?” Lena’s voice yanked her from her thoughts once again. She was still staring at the smoking heap of tent in the grass, the rest of the group seemingly busying themselves with cleaning up the mess, not so subtly avoiding eye contact with the blonde. “I said you can stay in my tent with me if you like?”

The blonde shook away the memories. She’d never remembered those ones before, sometimes they came back piece by piece, the morphine having stunted her conscious train of thought at the time. It was as though little fragments of her memories had been carefully sliced from her brain. “Oh,” she tried to catch her words. “Thank you, but are you sure? I move a lot in my sleep…” she wasn’t sure what she was saying now, her mind trying to process what time frame she was in. Part of her was still in the hospital, the other in the woods.

PTSD was a bitch.

Letting out a breathy laugh, Lena moved towards her own tent and pulled out a bottle of golden liquid. “That’s why I brought this, I’ll sleep right through.” She teased.

“Whisky?” Kara asked and Lena nodded her affirmation.

“What?” Maggie’s head snapped up from where she was crouched folding up the remnants of Kara’s tent, pulling the charred pillow out. “Did someone mention whisky?”

Once the tent was safely packed away into one of the trash cans supplied by the site just off to the edge of their camp, the group gathered around the fire once more, s’mores packed away to avoid anymore incidents and the bottle of whisky was being handed around the group. Each member taking a swig from the very expensive and old looking bottle.

Lucy let out a groan around two minutes into Winn and Mike telling the story of how they met. “All you gays and your soppy love stories.” She made a point of glaring at the rest of the group in turn.

“Um, excuse me, but Kara and I are single.” Lena punctuated her statement by snatching the bottle out of Lucy’s hand. “No soppy love stories here.”

Scoffing, the shorter woman rolled her eyes. “But still gay.”

“I’m only half gay…” Kara spoke up weakly, raising her hand.

“Not when it comes to Luthor.” The blonde spluttered in response. Clearly the amount of alcohol they’d all consumed was beginning to take its toll. “It’s okay, Kara, we all know she makes you weak at the knees.”

Kara managed to compose herself enough to shoot back a reply. “I’ll have you know, having my leg amputated is causing the weakness in my knees.”

Grinning, Lucy fired back, “what was your excuse before then?”

“Oh my god, it’s nice to know you’re still an ass.” The next thing Lucy knew, a crutch was flying towards her head and she only just managed to duck out of its path, cackling with laughter.

*

Kara was thankful for the whisky as Lena helped her over to the tent, feeling buzzed enough that she could hope for a peaceful night’s sleep. With the way her mind had been jumping back and forth all night and along with the horror stories that she’d been subjected to, she’d begun to worry she’d keep the rest of their group awake with her restless talking and moving around in her sleep.

The months following the events of the crash, Kara found herself bolting awake at all hours of the morning, either in cold sweats, crying, screaming or in a constant state of fear. She’d kept Alex awake a lot during those periods.

That’s when she’d decided to go talk to someone.

Her sleeping bag was already unrolled inside and her bag was tucked away in the corner. Lena followed behind her with a lantern in hand. “Do you want me to give you a moment while you change?” Lena asked unsurely, gesturing behind her where they could still hear the others talking outside, Mike and Winn saying goodnight.

Kara cleared her throat. “It’s okay.” They’d been close enough to share a bed before everything had all gone downhill so she was sure she could get changed in front of the CEO without freaking out.

“Okay.” Lena nodded, climbing all of the way inside, it was a tight squeeze but they managed. Lena was changed and climbing into her sleeping bag before Kara had taken off her shorts, her shirt already switched for the old college one she slept in at home. Now came the struggle, in the tight space it was difficult to manoeuvre her leg out of the socket. She sat back on her butt, the prosthetic stretched out before her, pressing dangerously hard against the wall of the tent. She pressed the button by the ankle, a click sounding through the cramped space and she carefully pulled the remaining five inches of her calf out of the socket, the pin in the bottom of her silicone grazing the edges.

Kara stood the leg up beside her bag and tried not to glance across at Lena. She could feel  the younger woman watching her every movement, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling up nervously. It didn’t make her uncomfortable, after all everyone was curious, but the feeling was new, knowing that Lena hadn’t seen this side of her before.

The three white socks with small holes in the bottom were removed next, each of different sizes to make the leg more comfortable, were tossed into the top of the prosthetic, holding them like a goblet.

The silicone was the hardest part. She’d been sweating throughout the day and as she slid it off, the pin the bottom folding inwards as she did so, it let out a slick sound, popping off the end of her leg. “Sorry, that bit gets kind of gross.”

Lena chuckled shaking her head. “It’s okay, it’s nice watching you.”

Kara gulped but couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. “I just do it on autopilot. I try not to wear it around the house so my leg can breathe.” She explained, pulling out a pair of pyjama bottoms from her bag, the right leg trimmed shorter than the other.

“Nice.” Lena teased, taking in the sight of the unusual looking cotton pants.

“Eliza hacked her way through my pyjamas a few months ago. Apparently tying a knot in the bottom made me look ‘homeless.’” She pulled them on before climbing into her own sleeping bag, her head dropped to the hard ground and she let out an involuntary groan at the dull ache that immediately formed in her shoulder blades.

“Here.” Lena sat up and shuffled her own pillow into the middle of the tent. “Share mine, I don’t think you’d want us to pull your burnt one out of the trash.”

“Thank you.” They lay there in silence for a moment. Listening to the other breathing quietly. Then, “do you remember much of that night?”

Lena’s breath hitched before she could even register the almost painful intake and for a moment, Kara was worried she’d overstepped. “Not much, little bits, here and there.”

“Me too.”

“Is that what you were thinking about before?” Lena asked, turning on her side so that she could face Kara. The younger woman tugged her knees up and wrapped her arms defensively around her chest. Kara didn’t think she’d ever seen Lena look so small and helpless.

“Sometimes I have like flashbacks, memories, bits I already remembered, bits I don’t until they come back to me.” She began to fiddle with her fingers on top of her stomach. It was getting colder outside but inside the tent the temperature was comfortable and warm. “Half the time I don’t know if they’re real or not.”

“What did you remember this time?” Lena’s voice was gentle, soothing enough that it sounded secure, safe.

“Talking on the phone to my mom.” Kara whispered. “Before I got into the ambulance.”

“Real.” Lena replied instantly.

“It was cold and you were holding me before they put me on the stretcher.”

Again, Lena’s reply came fast. “Real.”

Kara let out a shuddering breath, it was strange getting clarification on these pieces of memories that Alex nor Maggie could confirm nor deny. “You came in the ambulance with me to the hospital and held my hand the whole way there.”

“Real.”

Kara hesitated a moment, allowing her eyes to flicker over to Lena’s face to reassure herself before she spoke again. “You told me Lex was dead.”

“Real.” The word came out with less enthusiasm as the previous times, Kara reached out for Lena’s hand, blindly clutching at her fingers as she stared up at the pointed ceiling of the tent.

“I remember waking up in the hospital and you weren’t there, James was, and then Alex was screaming and then my mom was there, it comes back to me in patches like a I kept passing out.”

“Real, they kept giving you morphine for the pain.”

The next part, Kara wasn’t sure if she should voice. While everything else she’d remembered seemed to be accurate – which she was mostly already sure of thanks to Alex and Eliza filling in most of the gaps – she wasn’t sure if she was brave enough to speak the next memory aloud. “And then you came back in and I told you-”

“Real.” Lena sounded just as scared about confirming this part and Kara took the hint. Nodding as she turned over to face away from Lena, clamping her eyes closed and willing sleep to come quickly.

They must have laid there in silence for half an hour or so, neither of their breathing evening out to signify sleep had taken them but their hands remained clasped together, pulled onto Kara’s hip when she’d turned over. It wasn’t a comfortable position, she slept better on her left where her leg supported the other but she remained in the position, still as a statue.

Then came Lena’s voice, gentle and calming, comforting Kara’s raging thoughts. “I remember walking into the emergency room, they wouldn’t let me in at first because I wasn’t family, but once they did I dropped everything. It was like a war zone, Kara. The floor was covered in blood and plaster off of your leg, they’d had to cut you out of your clothes and there was feathers everywhere from James’ coat. I remember thinking it had looked like a chicken had been slaughtered.” She let out a half-hearted laugh and Kara squeezed her hand in response, letting Lena know she was still listening. “You were awake, but I don’t think you were with it, you had this glazed sort of happy expression on your face. I tried talking to you but you didn’t say anything, I wanted to hold you so bad but I was scared to touch you, in the end you ended up pulling me forwards, I don’t think you knew what you were doing but I held you anyway.” Kara wasn’t sure when she’d started crying, but her side of the pillow was soaked. “You told me-”

“I love you.”

Lena breathed out heavily, a sigh of relief she thought. “Real.”

“And you said, ‘I love you too.’”

“Real.” Kara turned back over, facing Lena and she was surprised to see her own cheeks wet with tears.

Eventually, Kara felt her eyes begin to droop as sleep started to seep into her bones, making her whole body feel heavy. Just as she was on the border of consciousness a warm press of lips found their way to the blonde’s forehead. It was a strange feeling, the contact, while she was sober enough to register it for what it was instead of just a numb touch she felt through a morphine induced state. She clung to it, ingrained into her memory as the pin point in time when she knew for certain, that these feelings she felt for Lena weren’t nothing and maybe they weren’t just one sided.

“Real.” She heard whispered against her temple as she finally drifted off to sleep, all thoughts of car crashes and horror stories dissipated.

*

Kara, even in her sleep, could feel the stiffness tightening through her body. She groaned, teetering on the edge of consciousness as she stretched out her limbs.

The white-hot pain that flashed behind her eyes was enough for her to let out a strangled groan. It felt almost as though her calf was cramping up but the pain itself reminded her of that night laying on the cold, hard concrete ground or in the hospital bed when she’d reach a lull in her morphine, her shredded leg screaming at her brain. The pain had almost been enough to cause her to pass out once again.

Kara sat bolt upright in the tent, yanking down her sleeping bag so that it wrapped around her ankle. She hauled her other leg up, there was no sign of any muscle cramping but that was to be expected because where she could feel the pain, there was nothing but air. Kara could feel it, tightening in her ankle, her toes aching with pain as though they were being squeezed beyond the point of relief.

The blonde let out a low grunt, loud enough to stir the sleeping woman beside her. “Kara… what…?”

“Shush.” Kara whispered gently, despite the burning pain she was experiencing, gasping for breath, frustration evident with each inhale. “Go back to sleep I’m okay.” She was sweating, could feel it dripping down the back of her neck.

“Kara, what’s wrong?” But Lena was awake, sat upright, almost mirroring the blonde’s position. She took in the other woman’s form, clutching at her leg just below her knee, holding her stump straight out as her face twisted into a pained expression, forehead dipped, eyes screwed tightly shut and her mouth turned down into a grimace.

“Phantom pains, they’ll pass in a second, I’m okay.” She reassured Lena once again.

But Lena seemingly ignored the blonde. Instead she reached out cautiously, “Can I?” her voice was hesitant but it was obvious what the raven-haired woman was asking of her.

Kara only paused for a second, she hadn’t let anyone touch her leg before, except for the doctors and that one time Eliza had to check her dressings when she caught her second infection at home.

She nodded.

Soft, cool hands came to rest along the silky scar on the end of her leg and Kara flinched at the contact. The cold skin against her burning leg felt nice, sending a jolt of soothing pressure through her body. Kara eventually relaxed into the touch as Lena ran the palm of her hand across it.

The cramping slowly began to wear away, whether it was due to Lena’s seemingly magic touch or because so much time had passed, Kara wasn’t sure, either way she was grateful. Her brain, once again, reminded that there wasn’t much left below her knee, the pain receptors reassured that there was no longer any trauma to feel.

She dropped back down onto their shared pillow, panting and out of breath as the flush still burning through her body raged on. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” She sighed out, wiped the sweat from her face. She was thankful it wasn’t a nightmare that had woken her up, otherwise she’d have screamed the camp down. That happened more often than she’d care to admit.

She lay there for a moment, Lena propped up on her hand as she stared down at Kara with worry in her eyes. “Can I get you anything, water?”

Kara shook her head. “I’ll be fine.” The heat was wearing off now, the cool night air seeping back into the tent. She realised then, that Lena had opened up the flap, apparently feeling the heat radiating off of the blonde’s body. “Just need a second for my body to calm down.”

Lena didn’t say anything else as she lay down beside Kara, kicking her own sleeping bag away from her. The distinct sound of a zipper being tugged, pulled the blonde’s attention away from the top of the tent where she had been staring. Lena was undoing the zips on both of their sleeping bags before she attached them both together, creating one larger, mismatched quilt. “Your body temperature will drop and you’ll get cold again.” She explained. “You’ll fall asleep easier if you’re warm.”

Kara could only nod, climbing back under the sleeping bags. Their arms were pressed up alongside one another, their thighs and ankles doing the same, Kara’s left, to Lena’s right. The contact was nice, reassuring Kara that she wasn’t alone, the way she’d often woken up on nights like these, through restless and painful sleep.


	7. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already said this but the more I write, the harder I'm finding it. It's strange, I always thought I could remember a lot of what had happened, however, I keep finding empty space and blank patches in my memory. I think I'm enjoying Kara's story a lot more than the real thing, sugar coating things makes it feel a lot better than it is.

* * *

 

Chapter 7

 

_January 31 st 2017 – 19:56 pm_

_“We’re going to do everything to save your leg, Kara.” There was a doctor stood at the foot of her bed, holding up x-rays that must have been taken while she was passed out, she had no recollection of arriving here, never mind being wheeled into radiology. He looked dishevelled, his scrubs hanging loosely around his lithe frame, stained and creased. “It will be difficult, but if you had been older, we would have skipped this step and opted for lower limb amputation, as you’re only twenty-six, we are hopeful that you will be able to recover with the foot still intact.”_

_In his left hand, he was holding up one image, which she assumed was before they’d operated. The foot in the picture was completely shattered to the point of being unrecognisable. The bones were fractured and broken, scattered across the surface of whatever she had been laying on at the time. The only thing grouping them together was her shredded skin, still somehow attached to her leg._

_“We managed to clean out most of the dirt when you arrived but we’ll have to go back in again to thoroughly clean the wound, but for now the bleeding has stopped.” In the image on the right, the bones had been assembled into something akin to a foot, still, it was distorted much like the image on the left, but this time they’d been mapped out for whichever unlucky surgeon was thrown onto her surgery._

_“Can I just butt in for a moment?” Eliza released Kara’s hand, the contact swiftly replaced by Lena’s own hand reaching out to take its place. After that, Kara couldn’t focus on much else other than the woman comforting her by her side._

_Lena’s soothing voice drew her in and out of consciousness, whispering soft words of encouragement as she was prodded and poked with various instruments. “You’re so brave, Kara… You’re doing good, just keep squeezing my hand.”_

_Buffering._

_She hadn’t passed out this time, just slipped into a thoughtless daze as she stared up at the ceiling, Lena’s hand was still in hers. Kara wasn’t sure how long it had been since they’d brought her in, only that it felt longer than it probably had been._

_James had begun grunting in pain a few minutes before that, and Kara assumed the nurses were beginning to stitch the hole in his head up. “You okay, James?” she heard herself speaking without thinking about it._

_Another grunt. “Yeah, I’m okay, you?”_

_“High as a kite.” She chuckled dryly._

_Kara turned to face the man in the bed beside her own, they were the only two patients in the room, catching Lena’s worried eyes on the way. James was facing away from her, turned towards the door as a nurse stood at the back of his bed, the biggest needle Kara had ever seen in her hands. Lucy, who the blonde hadn’t noticed joining them, smiled up softly at Kara, her own hands gripping James’ with white knuckles. “It’s not like college, is it?”_

_That drew laughter from both Lena and Lucy. “I remember that being a lot more fun.” Kara grunted, shifting in her bed to get more comfortable, turning away from James again when the nurse stepped away to reveal an ugly gash in the back of his head, blood soaked the length of his shirt._

_Buffering._

_Lena wasn’t there when Kara woke up._

_Instead, she watched as Eliza returned with the doctor in toe, a subdued expression on her face. She looked exhausted. “Sweetie, we need to talk.” Eliza pulled over a chair that Lena had been sitting in and moved it closer to the side of the bed. Kara nodded hazily, groggy from the drugs and sleep. She presumed she looked just as bad as Eliza did. “The doctor and I have been talking and he feels that you’d be better suited to receive your treatment from a hospital up state.” Kara frowned, she could feel the crease forming between her brows. “There’s a specialist there who served time in Afghanistan and treat a lot of people with injuries similar to yours.”_

_The doctor who had been hovering behind Eliza finally stepped forward. “It’s your decision to make, Kara. But I do feel that another opinion, especially one such as his, would be a good idea to take into account.”_

_The blonde gulped down her nerves, bile rising up her throat again. “Okay.”_

_“Lena’s gone to your apartment to make up a bag for you.” Eliza explained, leaning in closer to Kara. “When she gets back, they’re going to put you in an ambulance and they’re going to blue light you over.”_

_Kara could only nod as a nurse came over to give her another dose of morphine. The doctor’s voice whispered out into a drone as sleep took over once again._

_*_

The sun was only just beginning to rise, casting the camp in a dusty haze of early morning fog that soaked the ground and the tops of their tents with dew. The condensation trailed down the outside of the material, sparkling as the sun’s rays hit them, leaving a trail of silvery light in their path. In the distance, the first sounds of the birds rousing could be heard from where Kara lay awake, her eyes trained on the droplets of water on the outside of the tent.

Lena lay sleeping, tucked up against the blonde’s chest, her back to Kara’s front. At some point during the night, the CEO had pulled Kara’s hand around her waist, burrowed against her for warmth and had let the blonde hold her as the freezing night air penetrated the thin lining of their shelter.

She’d only been awake for a few minutes, the sun still yet to rise above the tree line, but as she’d tried to pull away from Lena, to get up and sort out her leg, the younger woman had pulled Kara’s hand back, lacing their fingers together and resting their joined hands against her chest, tucked neatly beneath her chin. Kara could feel Lena’s warm breath as it puffed out in gentle clouds against her knuckles.

It wasn’t as strange as Kara would have expected it to be, being curled up so intimately with a woman she’d once called her best friend. It was nice, it felt normal. The most normal thing Kara had felt in a long time. And while it wasn’t the first time the pair had shared a bed, a few drunken nights had found one another passed out side by side in one of their apartments, they’d never slept together so familiarly.

Somewhere outside, the occupants of another tent were beginning to rustle around inside, likely dressing warmly for the cold morning air. “Wait until the fire’s lit.” Lena’s grumbled words sounded in the small space, startling Kara. “Sorry, I got cold.” The CEO smiled, she could hear it in her voice as Lena squeezed her hand gently, silently telling the blonde she wasn’t ready to face the rest of the group just yet.

“It’s okay,” was all Kara could will herself to say. _I like waking up next to you,_ on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she shuffled in closer, tightening her hold on the younger woman and let out a content sigh. “It’s still a bit cold, isn’t it?” She teased, hoping her playful tone would hide the fact that she really, really enjoyed waking up this way.

“Freezing.” Lena chuckled, her body shaking against Kara’s, either with her own laughter or as she began to feel the morning air against her skin.

They settled into silence, listening to the movements from outside. It was Winn and Mike, muttering in their low tones and then there was the sound of matches been struck. “You know, you could just use this.” The two women heard Mike say.

“We’re camping. I’m not going to use a lighter.” Winn quipped back. “I’m doing things the old-fashioned way.”

“Do you want me to get you two sticks to rub together instead, then?” At that Kara and Lena began to giggle, their laughter growing in volume, contagious as Lena turned in Kara’s arms and saw the gleeful expression on her face. “See, now _they’re_ laughing at me!” Winn screeched only earning more laughter from Mike and the other tents. “Fine, one of you guys come out here and light it.”

Someone else climbed out of their tent to help with the seemingly difficult task at hand. It was Alex. “Kara, you getting up?” She called.

“In a minute, _mom_.” Kara grinned at the dopey smile that Lena was shooting her. “What?” nudging the younger woman’s shoulder playfully, she sat up and began to pull off her shirt, yanking on a clean one and her hoodie over her head quickly, cautious of the younger woman’s eyes on her.

The next bout of silence only lasted a few short moments before the raven-haired woman spoke up. “I really have missed you.” Lena sounded wistful as she whispered her thoughts aloud.

Kara paused mid action, halfway through pulling her pyjama bottoms off. “I am pretty cool, aren’t I?”

Rolling her eyes, Lena followed suit, beginning to undress herself as she smiled. “You’re an ass.”

“I thought I was cool?” Kara feigned a pout, pulling on her sweats, tying a knot in the right leg to stop it trailing on the wet ground outside. Once they were dressed, Kara grabbed the silicone from out of her prosthetic leg and tucked it underneath her arm. “Give me a hand?” She asked shyly, placing her two crutches side by side with one hand while the other extended outwards to Lena.

Smiling softly down at the blonde, Lena retreated backwards out of the tent, clutching Kara’s hand and pulled softly. Using her crutches as leverage, she hoisted herself up onto her left foot, wobbling for a moment before finding her balance. “Good?” Kara hummed out her response and shared her crutches between her two hands.

They walked across the wet grass, Kara could feel it on her ankle, where her sock didn’t quite reach the bottom of her sweats. “Morning stumpy.” Maggie muttered from where she was huddled inside her sleeping bag on a camping chair, coffee in hand and a miserable expression plastered on her face.

“Drink your coffee, hobbit.” Kara sniped back. Sitting herself down in another of the chairs that had been placed around the fire pit, much more comfortable than the log she’d occupied the day prior. Lena sat herself down in the chair beside her, shuffling it closer to the blonde subconsciously as she began to heat up a new pot of water over the fire for their morning coffee.

Alex came wandering back a moment later, through the tree line and the pathway that led down to the small building beside the car park. “Got you some clean water to wash your silicone.” She handed the blonde a spray bottle, bubbles foaming at the top. “Bit of soap in there, too.”

“Thanks.” Kara smiled gratefully, turning it inside out and beginning to spray the surface. Once clean, she lay it out to dry on top of the log and took a sip of the coffee that Lena had made her.

“So, what are we doing today?” Lucy and James were the last to emerge from their tent, looking exhausted but not for the same reason as the rest of the group if the blush on their faces had anything to do with it. Lucy pushed her hair out of her face as she took the chair to Kara’s left, revealing a light bruise on her neck. Kara hid her snort behind her plastic cup well but of course Lena, intelligent and beautiful Lena, caught the sound easily, shooting the reporter a curious glance. Kara smirked, eyeing the CEO knowingly and purposefully tapped her own neck. Lena followed the movement, leaning forward in her chair ever so slightly to inspect the woman on the other side of Kara, chuckling silently into her own cup with a shake of her head.

Winn nudged his chair closer to the fire, shoving his hands down into his pockets to keep them warm. “Mike and I found a hiking trail before you guys arrived yesterday.” He explained, smiling over to the aforementioned man sat in the grass by his side. “It leads up the side of the mountain to a viewing point, apparently it’s a good waste of time.” He chuckled to himself, earning a friendly prod from Alex.

“What do you think, Kara?” Alex asked, the concern evident in her eyes, but her voice hid it well, excitement lacing her tone. “Could be fun.”

*

The air bit as they sat in half wet half frozen dewy grass, but Kara felt warm with Lena pressed up against her side halfway up the trail. It was late morning, no earlier than eleven and they’d decided to stop for an early lunch, the blonde complaining about being close to starvation but the others hadn’t protested once they’d found a spot alongside the stream that lead down to the pool by their camp. The sun hadn’t yet risen high enough to reach that part of the mountain yet, and the group were beginning to feel the chill.

Kara, as she sat there with a cold chicken sandwich from the night before, watched her group of friends talk and laugh with a comfortable easiness that she was surprised to see. Alex was sat with Maggie and Lucy, throwing pieces of torn crust off their own sandwiches at one another while laughing loudly. Winn and James were talking away off down by the stream, Mike precariously balancing over the water on a fallen log with his arms stretched out wide.

It was strange, Kara felt, how naturally and easily they’d fallen back into their own patterns. “This is nice.” She mumbled mostly to herself, nodding appreciatively around a mouthful of her second sandwich.

“The food?” Lena chuckled, “or these idiots?”

Kara grinned, turning to face the CEO with a dopey, doe eyed sort of expression on her face. She’d definitely missed the younger woman’s teasing. “Left overs are great, amazing even, but I was talking about the idiots.”

Lena smiled gently, leaning into Kara’s side. “It is. Nice, I mean.” They just sat there for a while, taking in the scene before them.

The aching in Kara’s right hip was only a dull throb, the incline of the mountain slopes had begun to take their toll but now that she was sat down, she hardly noticed it.  She’d pulled on two socks over her leg that morning but before leaving, she’d thought better of it and pulled a spare into her pocket just in case her prosthetic began rubbing or the pressure became too much.

“Y’know, after everything that happened,” Lena started, a deep frown etched between her eyebrows, picking at her nails. “I was surprised everyone agreed to come.”

“I’m glad they did, though.” Kara said, finishing up her sandwich and crumpling the foil into a ball to shove into her backpack. “I feel normal again.” That seemed to draw Lena’s complete attention, pulling her eyes away from where she’d been watching Mike skipping stones down the stream and back to Kara. She didn’t say anything, however, just watched Kara mull over her words inside of her own head. “Like you all see me as Kara Danvers, not as Kara With the Prosthetic Leg.” She shrugged.

Lena nodded like she understood how that felt. She held her hand out to Kara, a soft smile on her face. “Lena Luthor.”

“What are you doing?” Kara laughed, her face splitting into a wide, beaming grin.

“I know how you feel.” She stated simply, hoping it to be enough of an explanation but as Kara’s grin turned confused she moved to elaborate, not noticing the rest of the group that had come to sit near them, quietly talking amongst themselves but still listening. “Ever since that night I’ve been Lex Luthor’s adopted sister, the one he hit with a car and put her friends in the hospital.” The frown was back as she spoke. Everyone else grew quiet. “Everything they said, twisted lies for their own media ratings, like they expected me to pull the same stunt because after all,” she laughed at herself dryly, “Luthor by name, Luthor by nature.”

The media frenzy that had followed the events of that night, while Kara had tried her hardest to avoid, became evidently more impossible to ignore. The name tarnishing and speculation. The hardest on the group being the assumption that there had been a hidden motive behind the accident. It had all been rumours, of course, but that didn’t mean it made it any easier for any of them – most of all, Lena – to get over the events of that night. Kara didn’t want to imagine the guilt the younger woman had felt prior to their weekend away. Her own was difficult enough, the thought that her injuries had blown the story well into the air for all to see, to judge the Luthor’s, to judge Lena.

Kara couldn’t find the words to speak after that, only managing an understanding stare. But then came another voice, “James Olsen.” The blonde looked up, James was holding his hand out for Lena to shake with a reassuring expression. Lena, blushing with slight embarrassment at the realisation that everyone had heard her, accepted his hand. He turned to Kara and she did the same.

Then, “Alex Danvers.”

“Lucy Lane.”

“Maggie Sawyer.”

“Winn Schott.”

Each of them stood to offer their hands, an action that had a lump swelling almost painfully inside Kara’s chest. Because in the end, this was them, these were her friends and they’d always see each other for who they really were, media and impediments be damned.

*

Winn hadn’t been wrong, the view from the top of the mountain truly was beautiful. For miles below them, the forest stretched out in a blanket of emerald evergreen trees slowly fading out into suburban countryside before it reached the city on the horizon. The buildings jabbed into the skyline like a cluster of sharp needles.

Kara was leaning against the railings that surrounded the platform the group were gathered on. Somewhere behind her, Lena and Winn were talking animatedly about the new L-Corp tech the woman was releasing, Alex and Maggie were taking gross selfies to her left and Mike and James were being far too brave for the blondes likening and walking across the far railing that hovered over a steep drop.

“How’s your leg holding up?” Kara jumped at the sound of Lucy so close to her side. She hadn’t heard the shorter woman approach. She turned to her with a slightly confused expression on her face. “You’re limping a bit.” Lucy explained, pointing down to where Kara was holding her foot up off the ground, avoiding putting any pressure down on it.

Kara shrugged. “Maybe overestimated my ability.” She chuckled quietly, crossing her arms over the metal railing. “Just need to rest for a bit then I’ll be fine.” Lucy mirrored her position.

“How’ve you been?” she asked and the question wasn’t as surprising as Kara thought it would have been.

“I’ve been okay,” It was better than lying, betting than telling the whole truth, too. Because telling the shorter woman about how she’d wake up most nights in a cold sweat or how sometimes she’d come home from work with bleeding blisters on her leg seemed too much.

“Me too.” And it was obvious that Lucy wasn’t telling her the whole truth either. It almost felt nice, they’d never been a pair to be overly emotional with each other. It had always been easier to just go with the flow because somehow, they both knew what the other was feeling without having to voice their thoughts. And the fact that, even after a whole year of no communication, they’d gone back to their old ways, eased Kara’s fears that maybe too much had changed.

They’d all gone through that night together after all, and the notion that any of them would have been okay after that was ridiculous.

“So,” Lucy mumbled, rubbing the back her neck awkwardly. “Have you seen much of Lena?”

Kara couldn’t help the blush that worked its way quickly up her neck. “Not since the accident.” She explained shyly, knowing exactly where Lucy was taking this. “Not before this weekend.”

Lucy nodded in understanding. “I ran into her a few months ago.” That surprised Kara because as far as she knew, none of them had spoken to one another in the past year, not since the events after the hospital. “She came up to the base to discuss military equipment. We went and grabbed coffee before she left.”

“Oh?” She tried and failed at keeping her voice passive and disinterested.

“We talked about you, a lot actually, well, _she_ did.” Lucy let out a sad sounding laugh and Kara did her best to stay quiet. “I think she did a pretty good job at keeping her feelings hidden until that night, you know how she is.” Lucy shrugged. “She was a mess and maybe that was partly because of Lex but after she’d seen you in the ER, god, Kara, I’d never seen her so torn up.” Kara, while she’d been mostly out of it, drugged up on who knows what, could see that Lena was worried, hadn’t been able to see it to its extent. Only hearing snippets from Eliza and Alex but even then, they’d been preoccupied too. “She loved you, so much and after we had coffee that day, I don’t think her feelings ever changed for you.”

“Wait, what?” Kara’s eyes bulged out of her head at Lucy’s words. “How do you mean?”

“I think you should ask her that yourself.” She nodded her head over Kara’s shoulder and the blonde turned to see what she was looking at. Lena was walking towards them, sunglasses in place and her hair tied up into a ponytail with a soft smile on her face. She spun back around, ready to beg Lucy to explain but before she could get her words out the shorter woman was already walking over to chastise James as he climbed up onto the railing.

“What were you two talking about?” Lena sidled up alongside Kara and crossed her ankles casually.

“Nothing,” the blonde almost snapped, panicking. “She was just asking how my leg was holding up.” Lucy’s words were steeling reeling in her mind, confusing springing from each word. Of course, Lena loved Kara, Kara loved Lena too, they were best friends. And yes, maybe Kara’s love for the CEO went a bit farther than just that between friends but the other way around? No. Lena would have said something. Wouldn’t she? However, Lucy seemed to be adamant of that small fact and Kara filed the thought away, she’d ask Lena, maybe, when the time was right but she wouldn’t do that in front of all of their friends. Couldn’t bear to think of the heart break she’d feel if Lena denied it.

“Are you okay?” Lena asked, looking slightly worried as she gave the blonde a once over.

Kara hummed. “Just a bit sore.” But before she could reassure Lena, the younger woman was helping her over to the bench she had been sitting on a moment ago and was unzipping Kara’s bag, pulling out a spare sock. Kara couldn’t hold back her laughter, the white sock hanging limply from the wide eyed CEO’s hand.

“Thanks.” She took it gratefully, pushing the button in the ankle of her prosthetic and pulled it off. “You really don’t need to worry though, this happens all of the time, I’ll be fine.” Lena nodded though the worry didn’t ease from her eyes despite the small smile playing at the corner of her mouth. Kara smoothed the sock over the other two and place her leg back on. “All good.” She reassured Lena, swinging her leg and applying pressure as she stood. “See?” Kara held her hand out for Lena to take as the rest of the group made their way back to the trail down the mountain.


	8. Blisters to Heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, university and work has been whooping my arse. I fired this one out pretty quick so I'm sorry for any mistakes.   
> Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy.

* * *

 

Chapter 8

 

_January 31 st 2017 – 20:46 pm _

_Kara groaned in pain, searing heat burned through her body, every inch of her on fire. The paramedics were hoisting her into another bed, ready to move her to the ambulance. “You can do it Kara, just keep breathing.” James’ voice sounded from the other end of the room. She couldn’t see him, her vision coming in and out of focus through dark clouds of darkness. “You’re doing so well, Kara.”_

_“I’ll… see you soon… James.” She managed to grunt out around the pain. Somewhere at the bottom of her bed, Alex, Maggie and Lena were stood huddled together, she could hear crying too, but she couldn’t make out who it was coming from._

_“Love you, Kara.” He called out as she was wheeled from the room, down a long white corridor, through a set of doors and out into the freezing air._

_Kara wasn’t sure if she was shivering from the cold or the pain, her body vibrating almost violently under the thin sheet covering her. “Only one of you will be able to come with her.” A woman’s voice said hazily, Kara caught the words even through her drug induced fog._

_“I’ll go with her.” Eliza said, stroking her warm hand across Kara’s face, pushing the fallen hair away from her eyes and wiping the beads of sweat from her skin._

_“We’ll meet you there.” It was Maggie who spoke up._

_“Okay sweetie, you three take care of yourselves.”_

_Buffering._

_They hadn’t even closed the ambulance doors when Kara came to. The bright lights were almost blinding but outside, the blonde could see three sets of eyes staring up at her. Maggie did well at holding herself together, her arm wrapped tightly around Alex’s waist. Lena was crying, however, clinging for dear life to a black duffel bag as she sobbed into the material. Her eyes blood shot and swollen._

_Kara held her gaze as Eliza climbed out of the ambulance to whisper into her ear. Lena nodded, handed the bag over and quickly clambered inside. “You look after yourself, okay?” Lena managed to mutter out around wet tears, she’d tied her hair up into a messy bun on top of her head._

_Kara could only nod weakly. Another dose of morphine was being pumped into her system now that she was comfortable in the back of the ambulance, almost ready to be whisked off up state._

_Lena cupped her cheeks with such tenderness that the blonde barely felt it. “I’ll be right behind you.” She reassured the blonde before she leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead._

_Buffering._

_When Kara finally awoke the following day to the methodical beeping of hospital monitors, the sun had long since risen, shining in through the small window to the confined room. Her whole body felt like it was buzzing, pulsing with pain medication that kept her sedated and mostly comfortable._

_Groggily, she turned her head to the side, taking in her surrounding through half lidded eyes. Eliza was curled up on a rigid looking chair, her knees tugged up to her chin and the clothes she’d been wearing the night before, hung rumpled on her frame. “Eliza.” Kara croaked out, her voice straining to speak._

_The older woman jumped, wide eyed and alert. She took a moment to recognize her surroundings, eyes zipping around the room before they landed on Kara. “Sweetie, you’re awake.”_

_“Water.” Kara tried to sit up, pushing up on her left arm but at the jolt of pain that surged up her right leg, she dropped back onto the bed with a grunt. It was still there. She still had her leg. They hadn’t made the decision without her. Whether that was a good thing or not, she hadn’t decided yet, didn’t have the concentration capacity to figure it out._

_She could feel tubes up her nose and a mask covering her face. She tugged at the offending wires but Eliza slapped her hands out of the way. “You’ll get light headed without them.” Instead, she nudged the mask to the side, still keeping it mostly in place and slipped a straw into her mouth so that she could take a sip. The coughing fit came and went swiftly, shaking her body with painful cramps. “Shush, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Eliza climbed onto the edge of the bed and wrapped her arm carefully around her daughter._

_She began talking, filling Kara in on everything that had happened between getting into the ambulance and waking up. She’d had her second surgery within that time, sometime that morning, they’d removed the cast and gone back into clean up. Between the explanation and her own half assed questions, she drifted in and out, lulled by her mom’s voice. She wasn’t sure if they’d tried to repair her foot, yet, but a fresh new cast was in place. Her toes still black._

_“Lena’s gone for a walk while your sister and Maggie go book us a hotel room.” Kara nodded, her eyes already closing again. “You go back to sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake up.”_

_Buffering._

_“Kara, sweetie, wake up.” A voice called to her, distant and foggy but she did as she was told. Cracking her eyes open. It was dark again. The room illuminated by a bedside lamp, casting a warm orange glow around her. Eliza was hovering over Kara and the blonde suddenly felt pleased to see her, smiling at her with what she presumed to be a toothy smile but would probably come across as more of a grimace. “Hello, darling.”_

_“Hi.” The word came out elongated through a breath. Her mom chuckled at the sound, smiling back down at her._

_“You’ve got to have a few injections.” Eliza explained, gesturing towards a nurse who was carrying a tray of something wrapped in small packets and a few different bottles._

_“I don’t like injections.” Kara muttered, still high on whatever pain medication she’d been given. At the pout she shot the nurse, a smile returned to her with amusement, Lena came into view over the elderly nurse’s shoulder._

_“I’m sure after everything you’ve gone through in the past twenty-four hours, you can handle a small jab.” Her voice was comforting and before she knew it, she was offering out her arm with a brave expression plastered to her face. Lena chuckled. “You’re showing off now.”_

_Despite her feigned fearlessness, however, she reached for the younger woman’s hand, her own shooting out desperately at the spike that pricked her skin in the crook of her elbow. She tried not to grip Lena’s fragile fingers too hard in her own. “I had a nice dream.” She decided to keep her own brain preoccupied while she was jabbed and prodded. “We were playing soccer.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Lena joined in. “Star player?”_

_“Mhm.” Kara nodded seriously. “You were a cheerleader.” The nurse beside her snorted but regained her composure when Kara lazily lolled her head to the side to look at her curiously. Her eyes struggling to focus. “You weren’t in it.” She said bitterly to the nurse but it came out slurred and innocent._

_Laughing, Lena gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “That sounds like a really good dream.” Kara hadn’t noticed it until then, how the brunette’s eyes were red a puffy. She was still wearing the same clothes from the night before, a top that hugged her body perfectly and Maggie’s shorts. Mismatched but still beautiful._

_“It was, there wasn’t any needles and my foot worked.”_

_“Kara…”_

_“All done, here.” The nurse announced overly cheerful. She gave the top of Kara’s free hand a gentle tap. “I’ll go let the doctor know you’re awake.” With that, she took her tray and left the room, leaving a small insert tube in her arm._

_“I don’t like her.” Kara pouted, slouching in the bed and tugging her sheets up around her neck to hide her arms from any lurking nurses out in the hallway._

_Buffering._

_“Kara,” someone was laughing. “You’re supposed to stay awake.” It was still Lena but now she was sat beside the bed in Eliza’s chair, the older woman having vacated the room._

_“Where’s my mom?” She asked, tugging on a bar that was hovering above her head to pull herself into a sitting position. Lena rearranged the pillows behind her head._

_Lena subconsciously laced her fingers with the blonde, trailing her thumb back and forth over the hot skin. “She’s gone to grab coffee and retrieve your sister and her girlfriend.” She smiled softly, keeping her eyes trained on Kara. “They got lost again.”_

_“Makes sense.” Kara rubbed at her face, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “I need a nap.” Lena snickered at the blonde’s drug fuelled words._

_“Try and stay awake, the doctor will be here in a few minutes.” Kara nodded lazily. “Here, do you want some more water?”_

_Hydrated and comfortable, Kara listened to Lena ramble about the weather outside, clearly avoiding discussing the events of the night before. The door to her room opened and her mom walked in holding a tray of four coffees, none of them for her. Alex and Maggie trailed in behind her looking mildly irritated and embarrassed._

_The methodical thump of crutches against the laminate floor pulled her back to reality. Back to the accident. “Kara.” Alex breathed out a sigh of relief. Her sister slumped down into an empty chair and Maggie took the crutches from her._

_“What happened to you?” she asked bluntly, eyeing her sisters leg._

_Alex cleared her throat and tried to steal her face, preventing it from twisting into a grimace as tears pooled in her eyes. “I dislocated it, the car only clipped me but… yeah.” She shrugged dismissing her own injuries in favour of her sister’s._

_Kara frowned, a grimace forming on her face. “So... erm,” she rubbed at the back of her neck trying to string her words together through a haze of drugs into something comprehensible. “What happened?”_

_“What do you remember?” Maggie spoke up. Slumped against the window with her coffee in hand._

_“Talking to Lena. We were all walking down the street and then there was all this light, I’m assuming from the car?” Maggie nodded. “And then just bits after that, I can’t really string it together, one minute I was in the air, then on the front of the car, I think, and then on the ground.”_

_Lena squeezed her hand tightly, reliving the night before all over again. “Yeah, well we were pretty much scattered once the car hit us. I think James and you got the brunt of it, being beside the road. You were both sent flying, he hit the road, you went up in the air and then onto the bonnet, it looked like your foot was caught under the wheel for a while, Lena and Alex were clipped?” she looked at the two women who nodded. “Lena hit a road sign and cut her leg, Alex was knocked down and it didn’t touch Lucy and me.” She explained, a ghostly pale colour on her face, her eyes glazed over. “I felt it though, like when you drive over a bump in the road and your stomach drops.”_

_“Is your leg okay?” Kara turned to Lena, concern written all over her face._

_Lena laughed shyly. “My leg is fine. Just a cut.”_

_“It’s you, who we have to worry about now.” They hadn’t heard the knock on the door or it bumping into the wall as it was opened. A doctor in a stark white lab coat stood in its place._

_*_

Kara all but collapsed down into the camping chair once they’d made it back to camp. The sun was high in the sky, casting harsh rays of sun down through the tree canopies. It was hotter than it had been the day before and the sweat dripping down the blonde’s spine was soaking through her shirt. The branches above did nothing to prevent the early afternoon sun from warming the ground beneath, instead acting more like a greenhouse, the morning dew steaming up off the grass.

“For a woman with one leg, you don’t half run fast.” Maggie came trudging into the camp, the rest of their group following behind her. The shorter woman bent at the waist, hands on her knees as she caught her breath.

Kara didn’t reply, only managed a grimace as she winced, pressing the button on her ankle to remove her leg. Groaning in relief once the pressure was released.

She dropped her leg to the ground, falling backwards against the back of the chair and closing her eyes as the air hit her burning skin. The blonde pulled of her glasses and laid them down gently on the grass beside her foot, rubbing at her eyes. The hike up the mountain had taken it out of her, the hike back down had good enough ruined her, overestimating her abilities for the sake of feeling normal. It had been fun, a lot of fun in fact and spending time with her friends like they used to, had been worth it, but now she was paying.

“You need a hand?” It was Lena who had spoken, standing inches from Kara’s chair. Without opening her eyes, Kara nodded. Her leg was picked up and placed against the log, standing it into an upright position. “Hey,” Lena tapped Kara’s knee gently, willing the reporter to open her eyes. “Can I?” The CEO gestured to Kara’s sock clad leg earning an exhausted nod in response.

The rest of the group had slumped themselves around the unlit fire, already cracking open the beers from a cooler in Winn’s tent. Alex wandered over and handed two bottles to Kara who took them gratefully. Lena carefully hooked her fingers around the hem of the first sock and slowly peeled it away, followed by the second and third. Lena gasped at the sight.

“Damn, Danvers.” Lucy moaned, heading over to sit beside the blonde. “That thing is a mess.”

Kara could feel the blisters pulsing painfully around the sock line a couple of inches up her leg. She glanced down at the angry red blotches, bubbled on her skin, and rolled her eyes. “I’ve had worse.” She shrugged, rubbing a hot hand across her sweaty forehead. “God, it’s hot.” She pressed the cold glass bottle to her cheek and handed the other to Lena, surprised to feel it pressed against her leg.

Mike, at Kara’s words, stood suddenly and clapped his hands. “We should go swimming.”

“What?” Alex asked, a sceptical look on her face.

“Swimming.” He repeated with a boyish grin. “To cool down.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Kara announced, standing on her good leg and began to hop towards the short trail that led towards the pool, thumb pushed into the top of the bottle, stopping the beer from fizzing out over the top.

“Kara, wait.” Alex called. “Do you not want your crutches.”

“I don’t need crutches to swim, Alex.” She teased, hopping over a fallen branch. Her sister caught up to her, wrapped an arm around her waist to guide her the rest of the way. “I can manage.” She snapped lowly, pulling away from her sister, “Let me do it myself.” She said, softer this time.

“I’m just saying, hopping is bad for your hip.” Alex held her hands up in defence as Winn came charging past them, throwing himself off the edge of the bank and bombing into the water. “Last one in has to cook for everyone tonight.” At that, the rest of the group began running, and a second later, Kara felt herself being hoisted up off the ground, Lena chuckled as her arms snaked around the blonde’s body, one under her knees the other supporting her back.

“When did you start lifting?” Kara squealed as the CEO launched off the bank, falling a foot or so before they hit the freezing water.

Coming back up for air, Kara pushed her hair from her face, laughing loudly as the water soothed her burning skin. “I go to the gym a lot.” Lena winked in reply to Kara’s question, she smirked with feigned pride as she kicked towards the blonde. “You’re surprisingly light.”

“I lost a quarter of my body weight, remember?” She teased, holding her leg out of the water as she dropped to her back, floating on the surface. Lena splashed at her, her own laughter mixing with the blonde’s. “You know, I don’t like to be man handled.” Kara quipped, bobbing in the shoulder deep water.

“It’s a good thing I’m not a man then, isn’t it?” Lena cackled as Kara lunged for her, dunking them both under the water. When they sank to the bottom, the water pressure pressing comfortably around their bodies, Kara opened her eyes, finding emerald green ones peering back at her. It felt almost like she was back in the ER again, cloudy and hazy, the sound muffled by the pressure but there had always been those eyes looking back at her, that smile reassuring her that everything would be okay. And she was right, in the end Kara was up and walking and they were all alive.

Kara crawled along the bed of the pool, grinning up at Lena as she floated a few inches above the sandy floor. “Hi.” She mouthed, the sound bubbling out of her mouth.

Lena grinned back, waving slowly. The blonde stared up at her, stopping inches from the younger woman and she finally noticed something flicker across those forest deep eyes, away from the rest of the group where they couldn’t interfere, in their own little world beneath the surface of the water. Lena had always been a beautiful flow of words, eloquent in every which way but then everything had been messed up, turned upside down and suddenly the handwriting had become disjointed and tilted halfway through, the events of that night having twisted something in Lena’s flow, something she felt mirrored in herself. She was different now, but Kara could still see the old Lena melded together with this new version, still beautiful, still smart and brave and still the woman Kara was completely in love with.

When the lack of oxygen became too much, her vision beginning to blur, Kara kicked up of the ground with her left foot and resurfaced. Gasping for air.

The rest of their friends were already in the water, Lucy apparently having been the last to jump was sulking under the pathetic excuse for a waterfall while everyone else tossed a football between them. Lena came up a second later, floating behind Kara. The blonde pulled off her heavy t-shirt, revealing the sports bra beneath. She didn’t miss the way Lena’s eyes scanned over her body, hesitating for a moment on her stomach, the muscles rippling beneath her skin.

Lena shook her head, clearing away any thoughts that were scrambling to attention. “I really hope there isn’t any leeches in here…” she thought aloud, clinging to Kara’s side as though that would prevent anything from touching her. The blonde chuckled, hoisting the CEO up onto her back and swam towards her sister and her girlfriend.

“How’s your leg?” Maggie asked from where she’d climbed up onto a rock beside the pool, Alex clinging to her knees as she floated in front of her.

“Better.” Kara smiled, clutching the rock and kicking her legs out behind her to stay afloat. Lena stayed straddled in place, her bare hands placed firmly on Kara’s bare back to keep her balanced. “The cold water helps.” She slapped her sodden shirt down onto the rock, watching as the water streamed out of the fabric.

Maggie hummed sceptically. “Yeah, the cold _water_.” She mused, eyeing Lena’s position on top of Kara.

“There might be leeches.” Lena replied as an explanation. Alex giggled at that, burying her face into her girlfriend’s thigh to muffle the sound.

“ _Leeches_.” The detective said in the same tone.

Kara splashed water up at the detective. “Shut up.” She said, blushing. All this teasing about Lena and she was nothing new, the group had always made quips about the pair, jokes that had been easily ignored by both women. At first, it had all been brushed off as friendly banter between friends but as time went on and the remarks kept coming, the blonde had been forced to contemplate her feelings for the younger woman.

Sure, Alex and Maggie had realised long before Kara had, that there were certain feelings involved there, and perhaps the rest of the group had too. But that hadn’t stopped them from teasing Lena and Kara none stop, every chance they got.

However, despite all the playful tormenting, neither Lena or Kara had plucked up the courage to discuss the matter until that night when the blonde had tried and they’d ended up being ploughed down by a car.

That was enough to deter anyone from talking about feelings for a life time.

Suddenly, something brushed against Kara’s legs beneath the water and she screamed, bucking backwards and accidently throwing Lena from her perch. The next thing she knew she was up in the air, straddling someone’s shoulders as they walked towards the middle of the pool.

She looked down to find James’ head. “Dude.” She shrieked.

“Time to duel.” Another voice came from behind them and James spun on his heels, splashing up water around them. It seemed that Lucy had tackled Lena too, the CEO at eye level with Kara with the Major between her legs. Lucy wasn’t much taller than Lena, the water coming up to her chin.

Lucy lunged forward, her hands grappling with James. Lena swayed precariously but Kara caught her. The second their eyes met, their faces turned mischievous. The squeals that followed echoed around the trees, birds scattered at the sound and the blonde was sure that the woman that owned the site down in the lodge probably thought a murderer had found their way into their camp.

When Kara finally toppled into the water, Lena and Lucy cheering with victory, James hoisted Kara onto his back and the group headed back towards their camp. Winn raced ahead to light the fire so that Lucy could start cooking, much to her dismay.

“How’s your head been?” Kara asked James, the pair trailing behind the rest of the group. She tracked her finger along the quite obvious scar on his skull, the other hand gripping her wet shirt.

James chuckled, slapping her hand away. “That tickles.” He bumped Kara once before continuing on up the track, the pair dripping water as they went. “It’s been fine, had a few headaches for a few months after but now it’s like nothing happened. I’ve got a cool scar though, chicks dig scars.” He laughed.

“Does it beat mine, though?” Kara teased, nudging James with her own leg.

“Of course not, you have the greatest scar of all.” The man placed Kara down on her foot just outside of Lena’s tent. “Go get dried, I’ll crack you open a bottle of beer to warm you up.” He laughed.

Kara nodded, smiling gratefully at her friend as she climbed into the steamy tent. “Oh my god.” Lena yelped jumping to cover her exposed chest with a shirt.

Kara blanched, her eyes bulging out of her skull as she stared at Lena. The image ingrained into her mind. “Shit.” She muttered, her brain trying to catch up to her, she covered her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see anything.” She lied. Pale creamy skin. Toned muscles. Smooth curve of breasts…

Chuckling, Lena threw their shared pillow at the blonde’s head. “I’m decent now, you can open your eyes.” Kara let out a silent sigh of relief, finding Lena fully clothed. “I’m going to go grab you something to eat.” She said, exiting the tent and leaving the blonde alone to change.

*

After they’d all eaten, Lucy only having lasted five minutes before burning the hotdogs and James took over, they’d settled back around the fire. Their wet clothes were hanging on a rope strung from one end of the camp to the other, hovering over the fire to dry them out.

The alcohol was fuelling their conversation, the strangest of topics being discussed. That was until a drunk Winn declared they were going to play ‘never have I ever’ because ‘what kind of party doesn’t involve never have I ever?’ which was followed by a chorus of moans of protest but the tech ignored them, passing out another round of beers. “Lena can go first.”

The youngest of the group spluttered around a mouth full of her beer. “Why me?” she asked sounding scandalised.

“Because you never used to join in when we played this back in college.” Lucy chimed in, grinning wickedly around the rim of her bottle.

“Fine,” she grumbled, giving in. Lena slumped into Kara’s side as she mulled over a scenario in her head. “Never have I ever gotten black out drunk.”

“Boring.” Came Lucy’s response but everyone around the fire took a sip of their beers, already too drunk to put up much of a protest. The sun hadn’t yet set, but it was low enough in the sky now that it had dipped behind the trees, casting the camp in a dusky shadow, illuminated by the warm orange flames from the fire.

Kara’s turn came next and she spilled out her reply quickly. “Never have I ever been pulled for drunk driving.”

“I sense a theme.” Mike muttered taking a sip of his own beer, along with Maggie.

“Never have I ever…” Alex paused, thinking. “Had a thing for someone of the same gender.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Lucy smirked, chugging down her first beer and popping the cap on her second. Everyone else followed suit except for James.

“Really, man?” Mike quipped, pointing at him with his beer.

“Really.” James shrugged.

Cooing softly, Lucy nudged her boyfriend in the arm. “He only ever had eyes for me.” She teased sickeningly sweet. However, at the Major’s words, Kara found her own eyes wandering to her left, settling on Lena. She wasn’t expecting to find the CEO’s staring right back at her. Both eyes snapped back to the fire, their bodies tensing slightly at the realisation they’d been caught.

“Never have I ever,” Maggie started the game back up, her voice taking on a dreadful tone. “Had a threesome.” She eyed Winn knowingly and Kara’s jaw dropped to her knees as Mike and he took a swig of their beers.

Lena let out an unnatural squeal of delight at the revelation, Lucy collapsed into James’ side as she cackled out her amusement. The game was only just beginning and as it came time for the Major’s turn, Kara’s heart hit her stomach at the knowing grin that was sent the blonde’s way.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Never Have I Ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the wait, I had finals and life has just been crazy... I'm not sure about this chapter but like, just go with it.

Chapter 9

 

_February 1 st 2017 17:20 pm _

_“Hello, Kara.” The doctor who had interrupted them form their conversation watchfully entered the room, closing the door gently behind him as though banging it would shatter the peaceful air he was stepping into. Kara decided she liked him then, he seemed like he cared, cared beyond the duties of a surgery. “My name is Doctor Henman and I’m the surgeon who offered to take on your case.” He had a file tucked beneath his arm, not once looking at it to check he’d got his facts right, he knew them off by heart, clearly having already taken up the time to read them through thoroughly._

_“Hi.” Kara smiled up at him with the sincerest smile muster through the drugs in her system._

_Doctor Henman clapped his hands cheerfully, the sound echoing dully around the sparely decorated room. “First things first,” he started, “are you comfortable?” Kara didn’t think he looked like a man who had served three tours in Afghanistan. His face was too soft, gentle even and his eyes were light with hopefulness, not dark like Lucy’s had been after her first tour._

_“As can be.” She nodded thoughtfully, a dopey smile twisting at the corner of her mouth, a flood of tingling warmth worked its way up her spine as she clicked the button on her morphine drip, more so out of a need to feel anything at all than to reduce any pain that may arise._

_“Good.” He made to move closer to the bed rounding on the side of her uninjured, apparently wanting to be within Kara’s personal space, but stopped just short. “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the space beside her left leg and Kara nodded. “How’s the pain?” He pulled the clipboard out from under his arm and clicked a pen with a confident air that she found reassuring. “Out of ten?”_

_“I have a lot of pain medication in me…” Kara trailed off, rubbing at her flushed cheek, red with the drugs in her system, her other hand still laced with Lena’s. “But I’d say an eight.” She felt Lena squeeze her hand reassuringly._

_Doctor Henman hummed as he mused over Kara’s words, making quick work of scribbling something down on the paper, the pen loudly scratching against the surface. “Introductions aside.” Henman shoved his clipboard back under his arm, giving the injured woman his full attention. “I think it’s best I fill you in on what we did today and our plans for the near future.” Kara nodded as she reached up for the bar above her head and pulled herself into a more comfortable position. “Okay, when you arrived last night we sedated you and gave you a hefty dose of antibiotics. We didn’t want to take you straight back into surgery, wanting your body to recover as much as possible on its own, we got you settled as I’m sure your mother has already explained.” He nodded towards Eliza. “This morning, we took you to theatre and cleaned out your wound. Sadly,” he gave Kara a sympathetic look, his face softened and his eyes lost that sparkle he had walked into the room with, causing the blonde’s stomach to plummet. “We did find an infection, hence the antibiotics. We’ll keep it monitored for the time being.”_

_“What about the rest of my leg, will you be able to save it?” Kara asked, finally becoming desperate for answers, the anticipation killing her slowly._

_“We’ll give you some space.” Alex announced, pulling her crutches into her hands, and leading the way out, Maggie and Eliza in tow. Lena made to follow, but Kara’s hand remained gripping it tightly, anchoring her firmly in her seat beside her._

_“Stay.” Kara whispered and Lena nodded, giving another soft squeeze to Kara’s hand._

_“Your leg is in pretty bad shape, but I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to save it.” However, Kara noticed a slight note of hesitation that lingered towards the end of his words, turning his eyes down to his clasped hands over his crossed legs as though he was ashamed of the next part. “But, as time goes on, the decision may be taken away from me, either by you – if you decide you want to go ahead with the amputation – or if your condition deteriorates.”_

_Kara nodded, not really processing his words as they registered in her brain._

_“I feel like I should warn you, that if you do decide to keep it, you’ll have a long journey ahead of you with countless operations and a lot of physiotherapy. So, I have to ask you, at this point in time, where do you stand on the matter? Do you want me to try and save your leg, Kara?” It was a heavy question, weighed down by too much responsibility for her to comprehend. This was her leg they were talking about, not a tooth or a toenail, she’d have to grieve, have to get over the emotional trauma of losing almost a quarter of her body. This was a life changing decision to make._

_Kara was only twenty-five for crying out loud._

_She turned to Lena, desperate and pleading, begging the younger woman to help._

_“I’ll be by your side every step of the way, anything you need.” Lena promised her, her stare penetrating every inch of Kara’s soul._

_“How about,” Doctor Henman cut in, “I give you tonight to think about it, and I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning? Give you time to eat and relax for a bit.”_

_Buffering._

_“Take it away, please.” Kara sobbed into the kidney dish as her empty stomach lurched left and right, cramping as nothing came up. She retched again as Lena grabbed the tray of food and carried it out into the bathroom attached to the room, returning a moment later to rub soothing circles on Kara’s sweaty back._

_“It’s just all the medication you’re on, sweetie.” Lena whispered into Kara’s hair, keeping her ministrations going, her lips pressing against the sweaty, pale skin of her head. “It’ll pass.”_

_Kara hadn’t been aware that she’d fallen asleep after Doctor Henman had left them alone. Only that when she finally awoke an hour or so later, the rest of her family had returned and a tray of food had been placed on her bedside table. The second the smell of what she assumed was supposed to be a poor excuse for vegetable soup hit her nose, she found herself feeling suddenly nauseous._

_Without even fully opening her eyes, Kara had thrown herself to the side and heaved out the water she’d managed to drink earlier that night._

_Buffering._

_The story of the crash made headline news that night. It hit every major National City news station and a few national stations too, but Kara figured that was due to the death of Lex Luthor, CEO of Luthor Corp. No other names had been mentioned thanks to Lillian Luthor’s lawyer’s, it seemed._

_Lucy called Alex that night to let everyone know that James had been discharged with a concussion and that they would drive through the following day with Winn._

_It gave Kara something to look forward to._

_*_

“Never have I ever had feelings for my best friend.” The smirk that was firmly plastered to Lucy’s face as she nudged James and took a sip of her beer in response to her own statement, almost had Kara lunging across the fire pit and tackling the Major to the ground.

Kara watched as James took a mouthful of his own beer, followed by Winn who avoided looking at Kara and then Alex and Maggie, cuddled together on the ground beneath a blanket. The seconds seemed to drag by and Kara became suddenly hyper aware of the sounds that came with her friends gulping down their beers. But it was the sound of a bottle being pulled from a mouth beside her with a soft popping noise, that finally pulled Kara from her daze.

She spins around on the log to stare down at Lena, a bright pink blush burning up the CEO’s cheeks. Kara can’t do anything but gape at the younger woman because she knows what this means. Lena had told Kara herself that she’d always been a loner before she’d met everyone else in college, had never been one for making friends before Kara had walked into her life. But it occurred to the her then, that for all she knew, since the accident, Lena could have easily befriended someone new, could have felt something more than friendship for this person. Kara couldn’t deny that she felt a sudden bout of jealousy at the thought but the shy, and slightly unsure, smile that Lena was shooting her, confirmed Kara’s former thoughts.

Lena was drinking for her.

This was it, this was her chance to finally let Lena know how she felt. Wordlessly, Kara slowly brought her own bottle of beer to her lips, not once dropping Lena’s intense gaze as she chugged down the last of the bitter liquid. Kara hoped to any god out there that Lena couldn’t hear the pounding of her heart inside her chest, hear the way she gulped the last drops of alcohol and tried to steady her breathing.

It was like she was back in that hospital room, drugged up to the nines and unable to see anything but those green eyes staring back at her, like being under water and being able to see clearly again. Because yes, this was Lena Luthor but in the same way she wasn’t, this wasn’t the Lena that Kara knew before the crash but it was the Lena Luthor she’d fallen in love with all over again during her time holed up in the hospital. It was Lena in the same way that she wasn’t but even then, Kara still loved her, loved this new her in every way possible.

“Okay, so this got intense really fast and I can’t even pretend to understand I know what’s going on…” Mike broke the strange trance the two women had found themselves trapped in, ignoring the rest of the world around them. It had been longer than either of them had apparently realised as Kara shook the cloudy feeling from her mind and turned back to the rest of the group, all eyes on her. She felt the burning signs of blush rising swiftly from beneath her collar, colouring her cheeks with an intense heat.

Alex and Maggie had the decency to avert their eyes, paying more attention to their beers and a twig that had found its way onto their shared blanket than to the embarrassed woman sitting beside them. Mike and Winn hid their amusement with mild deflection, choosing instead to snigger behind their hands. Lucy, however, found the interaction out right hilarious, her face split into a Cheshire grin as she crowed into the twilight, the sun steadily setting, casting the camp in navy blues and deep purples. It was reassuring to the blonde that it was only Lena, sitting so close to her, that could see her red cheeks.

Whether that was a good thing or not, Kara hadn’t decided yet, but as James cleared his throat and changed the subject, Kara found herself feeling eternally grateful.

*

The subject topic took a sudden turn for the worst when Mike, who up until that point had been nothing but kind and boyish and fun and… well – opened his mouth and spilled his thoughtless and opinionated questions about that night at a million miles per minutes.

Kara’s opinion of him immediately changed.

“So, he just came out of nowhere and hit you?” as the night had drawn on, Mike had seemed to become more and more intoxicated while the rest of the group had sobered up after their stupid game. Winn, despite the tension in the air, did his best to nod along to his boyfriend and his less than appreciated questions.

While Mike seemed to sound amazed after hearing the story straight from those involved as opposed to the news, the rest of the group became more and more unsettled as his questions kept coming, spilling and cascading from his alcohol soaked lips. Lena cleared her throat quietly, shifted in her seat before leaning into Kara’s side. “You want to go for a walk?” Kara offered, knowing the younger woman must have felt just as uncomfortable, knowing what would come next.

To Kara’s surprise, however, Lena didn’t reply, instead she tugged the blanket up to her chin and held it in place, releasing a heavy sigh. “Why did he do it?” Mike asked, eyes wide with what looked to be curiosity and wonder. “I mean there was a lot of speculation, people said he was using… ended up in a fit of rage, others said he was drunk and it was just by chance…” he trailed off, waiting for the answer that everyone outside of their little group had hoped to hear.

Lena grit her jaw and squared her shoulders but didn’t make a move to answer. Kara couldn’t blame Mike, for a while after that night, they’d all been pounded by reporters and strangers, all hoping for some insight, and maybe the man wouldn’t have been so forward and blunt with his questions if he had been sober; but of course, not everyone could win. And maybe it was naive of them to believe that the accident was forgotten by the rest of the world, that that night wouldn’t come back to bite them in the ass some way or another.

Even Lucy had the decency to look embarrassed then, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly, silently willing the onslaught of questions to come to an end. She gave Winn a pointed look, raising her eyebrows in a way that reminded Kara of Major Lane, the other version of the short woman she’d barely ever witness except for awkward club encounters with drunk men and that one time in the hospital.

Eventually, Winn nudged Mike in his side a little too forcefully and shook his head. For his part, the man in the line of fire seemed to catch on like a ton of bricks had just fallen on him. Looking slightly humiliated at his own behaviour, his expression turned from curious to humiliated. “Oh shit, I’m sorry, that was insensitive…” he trailed off as Lena clambered to her feet. Silencing any apologies that were going to be fired her way.

“Lex suffered from a rare heart condition.” She dropped the blanket back down into Kara’s lap and made her way over to the trail that led down to the pool. “He had a heart attack and lost control of his car. If you must know, he died before he crashed.” And with that she stormed off towards the stream.

The group settled into an awkward silence, the only sound coming from the light breeze that whistled through the tops of the trees and the crackling of the fire. “I’m going to go check on her.” Kara made to stand but stopped as Alex’s hand caught hers, a soft expression mixed with worry on her face. “I’m fine.” The blonde reassured her sister with a soft smile before she made her way down to the pool with a lantern and a crutch for extra support.

She found the CEO hunched up on the bank of the pool, her bare feet hanging over the edge and her toes skimming the peaceful surface of the water. Her soft face was buried into the palms of her hands and for a moment, Kara could have sworn she was crying.

“You know, there could be mountain lions out here.” Kara said gently, breaking the silent air as she settled down beside Lena.

“If it means escaping that circus back there,” she laughed dryly, “I’d take the mountain lions any day.”

“I’m sorry about that.” Kara whispered, keeping her voice low enough that their friends wouldn’t be able to overhear.

Kara was surprised when Lena reached out and laced their fingers together on top of her thigh. “Me too.” The sky seemed darker, stars turned dull without their usual shine as they reflected gloomily on the rippling surface of the water - almost like the sky was feeling the broken woman’s pain infecting the air around them. “Sometimes, I feel guilty for not thinking about him more,” Lena spoke up after a beat of silence, Kara’s hand tightening her grip on the fragile fingers beneath her own. She didn’t say anything, allowing Lena this moment to say what she needed to, to hopefully ease up some of the pain enveloping her heart. “He comes to mind in passing, birthdays and Christmas, when you’re supposed to have your family around you, but mostly I just throw myself into work to forget about him now.”

“That’s not a bad thing, Lena.” Kara replied carefully, using her free hand tap out a random beat on the younger woman’s wrist. Lena could only smile sadly in response. “Do-” Kara stuttered, choosing her next words cautiously. “Do you see much of your mom?”

That seemed to surprise Lena, her eyebrows shooting up slightly and for a moment, Kara was worried she’d just put her foot in it but the CEO’s features settled into an almost steely expression. “Not as much as she’d probably like to.” Lena leaned her weight into Kara’s side as she listened. “We made amends after the accident, neither of us had anyone left after that, she’d lost her son – my father was already out of the picture – and I, well, I didn’t have you guys anymore, so we were left with each other. She tries. I work a lot.” Lena shrugged passively as though that statement wasn’t heart breaking and painful to speak aloud. “We go visit his grave on his birthday together.”

Kara’s face simply looks more and more concerned with everything Lena says, her eyebrows at a hard slant, lip held between her teeth, which only serves to make her feel more frustrated, somehow. Kara felt as though she’d just been punched in the gut, a sharp pain piercing her insides as the realisation of how lonely Lena must have been in those months following the accident, finally settled in. “Lena, I’m so sorry.”

Chuckling, Lena shrugged again. “She’s not that bad.”

“No,” Kara shook her head, a deep frown etched between her eyebrows forming an almost adorable crease there. “I mean for pushing you away.” She huffed out an irritable breath at the memories. “That was the biggest mistake of my life.”

The CEO turned to face Kara fully, pulling her feet out of the lukewarm water that the sun had been heating throughout the day. “It’s what you thought was right at the time.” Lena soothingly lifted a hand to Kara’s cheek and wiped away the tears that had begun to fall without her knowing accord. “I don’t resent you for that.”

“But it’s like you said, you had no one after that and it’s _my_ fault.” Her bottom lip quivered as red-hot tears spilled from her eyes.

“No, don’t you _dare_ think that, you hear me?” Lena warned sternly, almost giving the blonde a shake as though that would bring some sense to the older woman. “It was a freak accident that put us all in awful positions, things happened that were out of our control.”

Kara nodded sadly, leaning into Lena’s hand. “I want you to know, though, that I didn’t do it because I blamed you, or even Lex.” She allowed her eyes to drift closed, the words spilling freely from her mouth. “After that reporter got into the hospital, I didn’t ever want to be the reason you were forced into that position again, I wanted to keep you safe, Lena.” She’d failed at that, apparently, Lena had ended up being thrown into the line of fire anyway when she’d taken over Luthor Corp from Lex, the media onslaught had torn through the company like a hurricane, the Luthor name dragged through the mud and shares plummeted overnight. Kara had done her best but her best hadn’t been good enough. “You know, I remember waking up after the operation and just being so grateful it had been me in that position.” Her words came out through shuddering breaths, her voice shaking as she tried in vain to compose herself.

Lena’s face twisted in confusion, grimacing at Kara’s confession as she spoke and Kara couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

“Lena, you’re so small and perfect and beautiful and…” she trailed off, shaking her head to stop herself from listing every way in which she loved and admired the younger woman for all she was worth and so much more. “When Maggie had told us that James and I had gotten the worst of it because we had been beside the road, it hadn’t hit me how much worse it could have been until they amputated my leg, because what if it had been you beside the road-”

Kara chocked on a sob as she relived that thought, imagining the outcome being much worse than it had been. She swiped angrily at the tears pouring from her eyes, relentless in their mission to mar her flushed cheeks with wet trails.

“I could have lost you, Lena.” But Kara didn’t have time to mention how if the car had hit them a second sooner or later, they all could have lost their lives or could have been in similar positions to Kara, didn’t have time to take a breath and think about her next words because suddenly, Lena was cupping her face and tugging Kara’s head up so that she could meet her eyes.

The press of lips against her own had barely registered in Kara’s mind before Lena had pulled away, hardly giving Kara time to process what had just happened, why her lips were tingling in that way, warm and all consuming. “You didn’t lose me, you never will.” Then her lips were back on Kara’s, and this time the blonde was ready, her heart pounding loudly in her ears, eyes fluttering shut as she sighed out with a mixture of contentedness and relief. Lena was kissing her, really kissing her. Not like she had the night before in the tent or in the hospital while she was high or the back of the ambulance, she wasn’t kissing her forehead in a way that seemed a little too friendly – but really kissing her.

Kara’s hand came up to meet Lena’s, wrapping itself around the younger woman’s wrist and the other tangled in long, dark tresses, pulling Lena in impossibly closer, their chests pressed together, heaving as they pulled away to gasp for breath, only to dive right back in a second later.

It wasn’t a rushed sort of kiss, but nor was it slow, to Kara, it felt like the stars above them were suddenly bursting with light all over again, like the pain from the past year had just been wiped clean, replaced by a feeling of surety that everything was going to be okay. She was secure in these arms that were circling her body, keeping her warm and safe.

Eventually, when the lack of oxygen began to make them dizzy, they parted an inch or so, heavy breaths of warm air ghosted across Kara’s lips, sending her brain into a frenzy of hormones, desperate to feel Lena’s mouth against hers again.

Pulling away enough to take in Lena’s features, Kara couldn’t hold back the grin that split her face, those green eyes beaming back at her. The CEO tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, ducking her head shyly. Kara let out a soft laugh, tucking a piece of hair behind Lena’s ear. “You had a thing for your best friend, huh?” she teased, peppering the CEO’s cheeks with gentle kisses.

Nudging Kara’s shoulder away from her, grinning with a wide smile that set Kara’s heart alight, Lena climbed to her feet and tugged her shoes back on. “ _Have_.”

Kara was giddy as she led Lena back up to the camp, hand in hand, swaying between them. “Me too.”

Everyone had retreated back to their own tents by the time they got back, the campfire had sizzled out to lightly glowing embers, crackling almost silently. Kara would have guessed that everyone was sleeping until Alex poked her head out of her tent, hair ruffled like she’d been about to pass out for the night.

“You two okay?” she asked, climbing to her feet with a tooth brush in her hand and a bottle of water. The two women nodded almost gleefully, their hands still clasped together between them. The action didn’t go unnoticed by the FBI agent. She eyed Lena and Kara cautiously before the corner of her mouth twitched into a soft smile. “I see.” She nodded as more of an observation than anything else. “Well I’m gonna go down to the lodge and wash up.” Alex gestured to the pathway that led down to the small building where the shower blocks were located. “You coming?”

“Yeah, just give us a second.”

*

Despite having just washed up, Kara and Alex stayed up for a while longer, the older of the two sisters having tossed the last log onto the fire. They sat in silence, comfortable, sipping on a beer each. It was nice without the chatter of everyone else around them.

Alex and Kara were huddled together on the log, a blanket flung across their thighs to keep them warm as the chilly night air settled in around them. “Are you going to tell me what happened down there?” Alex asked, her eyes glued to the fire, bottle pressed to her lips in thought.

Kara couldn’t attempt to hide the grin that was pulling her lips apart before she even realised it was there. Shrugging in response and gulping down her beer to try and stifle the happy giggle that bubbled in her chest. “We talked.”

“Talked?”

“Yeah, about Lex and her mom… and then she kissed me.”

“Kissed you?”

“And I kissed her back.” Kara nodded her head with a sort of gentle finality which gave Alex the impression that that was all she was going to get that night.

So instead of pressing the matter further, Alex enveloped Kara in her arms and pulled her into her side. “I’m happy things are getting better.” She whispered, her voice was low enough that it didn’t carry far enough to reach the tents.

“Me too.”

“And I’m happy you both pulled your heads out of your asses and finally did something.” Kara chuckled as she shoved Alex off of the log and climbed to her feat.

“Good night, Alex.”

“Night, Kara.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Powering Through

* * *

 

Chapter 10

 

_February 3 rd 2017 – 03:14 am _

_Kara’s third night in the hospital found her awake sometime just after three in the morning, sweating and panting for breath. Flickers of the accident rippled through her brain, flashed behind her eyelids just as she was drifting back off to sleep, bolting fear through her system and giving her body a new lease of energy._

_“Mom.” Kara chocked out around a shuddering sob, her hand flying out to the side to reach for Eliza, still curled up on the ridged chair at her bedside._

_Kara was freezing, could feel the cold beads of sweat sting at her skin as they slid dawn her jaw. The memories pressed down heavily on her chest, closing in around her lungs to the point that the room began to spin._

_Eliza, exhausted and stiff, leapt forward to embrace her daughter. Kara sobbed into the older woman’s chest, gripping her like a hysterical toddler. Eliza rocked her back and forth, whispering soothing sounds into the top of her sweat matted hair. “Shh, I have you. You’re okay, darling.”_

_Kara could feel the numb ache in her leg, dulled by the medication that was being pumped into her but it was there nonetheless, strangely throbbing, a painful reminder that her leg would never be the same again, even if she were to go through numerous surgeries and physiotherapy, it was clear to her now that nothing would be how it once was._

_“I don’t want to have a leg like this.” She cried, her voice high pitched and broken, her heart shattering into pieces around the memories and her wracking sobs. The lamp beside her bed was the only thing illuminating the room in once warm light but now it just felt cold and harsh against Kara’s eyes. From where she was wrapped within Eliza’s tight embrace, she could see her foot poking out from beneath the thin sheets, still heavily enclosed within the cast. Her toes were black, no blood reaching them, even after her third surgery. “I just want it gone.” If it wasn’t for the smell, she may have been able to kid herself into believing that it could be fixed, that it could once one day resemble a foot again, but it was rotting, as much as that disgusted her, it was the truth and she knew her family could see that too._

_White hot heat flashed through her, rippling with the realisation that her words had been true._

_Buffering._

_According to doctor Henman, the bottom of her foot had been completely shredded, leaving nothing but tangled flesh hanging loosely from her ankle. Most of the main blood vessels had been severed, next to no oxygen reaching the ruined limb. Her bones, however, were reparable but what use would they be if her foot was already dead? And if that wasn’t the worst of it, the infection that hadn’t responded to the antibiotics had steadily gotten worse, reaching her tibia and almost half of her fibia._

_That morning, at exactly half past eight, doctor Henman came to Kara’s room – punctual as ever. Alex, Maggie and Lena were still at the hotel across the city after Eliza had instructed them to get some rest, decent food that wasn’t subs from the restaurant in the hospital lobby and not to come in until after Kara’s surgery; which, in the end, the blonde was thankful for. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to let them see her so nervous, so_ gone _. “Morning, Kara.” He smiled gently at her, pulling up a chair. “How’re you feeling today?”_

_Kara shrugged. “I didn’t sleep much.”_

_“I understand.” Henman nodded, they’d discussed therapy but Kara had shot him down the second the suggestion had left his mouth. She didn’t want that, she didn’t need it. “So, pain levels?”_

_“Nine.”_

_“Okay.” He nodded, scribbling something down on his clipboard before he moved over to the cupboard in the corner of her room, pulled a small bottle of clear liquid out and injected it into her IV. It was routine by then and she didn’t bother asking what was being thrust into her system, only thankful for the pain relief she felt moments later. “So, we’re going to take you down to theatre in half an hour,” he flicked through the clipboard as he explained the plan to the two women again. “Like I explained last night, I’m going to flush the wound to get rid of that infection you’ve got there and hopefully repair those blood-”_

_“What if you can’t?” Kara spoke up, cutting the surgeon off._

_“Then we’ll come to that at the time.” Henman explained. “I’m going to play it by eye. There is a possibility that we will have to amputate. But at the moment it’s a fifty percent chance.” Kara nodded in understanding as a nurse walked in to prepare her for the surgery. They’d had this discussion, Kara finally having come to the conclusion that the surgeon, after three tours in Afghanistan, would know best and that she’d prefer him to make the final decision._

_The thought of having to make that decision herself was daunting enough. If she decided to keep it there would be years of therapy down the line, exhausting and draining to the point where the blonde would eventually want to give up and possibly revert back to an amputation after so much wasted time. Or, she could chose to amputate now and then in a couple of years down the line regret her decision and resent everyone around her._

_Kara could feel the drugs seeping into her system and soon enough her eyes began to droop while Doctor Henman and Eliza talked surgical procedures that the blonde couldn’t begin to pretend she understood._

_Buffering._

_There was a moment where Kara could feel her own bedsheets around her body, smell her own perfume that wafted around her bedroom back in her own apartment. She needed to get up and meet Alex and Maggie at the park, she’d promised she wouldn’t sleep in this time, she wouldn’t be late. But when she pulled apart her eyelids it wasn’t the ceiling of her bedroom but the bright lights and white ceiling of her hospital room._

_Kara felt the ache in her chest tug at her heart._

_And then she remembered what had happened._

_She was about to go into surgery._

_The thin sheets of her the hospital bed felt like dead weight, heavy like lead, suffocating._

_Completely oblivious to time and how quickly or slowly it had passed, she glanced around, only catching the burning light that flooded in through the window. She clamped her eyes shut as they began to water, burning from the brightness beyond her four walls. There were voices in the room but her head was fuzzy and clouded, mouth felt like cotton._

_For all Kara knew, she hadn’t yet been down to theatre, had only been prepped and pumped full of medication._

_On shaking arms, she hoisted her torso up off the bed to peer down at her leg. Her head wobbled, swaying to the left before it fell to her shoulder, unable to support the weight. Kara’s vision focused in and out for a moment before settling to the bed sheets, hiding her legs beneath the fabric. Both sides bulged to the same length, nearly reaching the plastic footboard at the bottom of the bed._

_It took only a second for Kara’s eyes to register what she was seeing to her brain. The way the bulge on the left resembled a leg and a foot, whereas the other…_

_Buffering._

_She’d passed out again -_ that _was becoming a common occurrence. “Kara.” Lena. It was definitely Lena’s voice. At some point her eyes had opened, staring blankly up at the ceiling._

_She didn’t have a foot anymore._

_It wasn’t mangled or infected… just empty space that was replaced by some sort of machine sitting on her bed, draining fluids from her leg._

_There was a sudden warmth against her hand before everything went black again._

_Buffering._

_Kara could hear shouting, echoing around the inside of her head, banging around her skull painfully._

_She didn’t have a leg._

_She opened her eyes groggily, looking around the room finding her friends crowding around the doorway. “Eliza?” Kara croaked out, her voice horse and throat dry. Eliza was by her side within seconds. “What’s going on?”_

_She didn’t have a leg._

_“There’s a reporter in the hallway.” Eliza explained exasperatedly. Even high, Kara could sense the older woman was furious. “He’s causing a scene.”_

_She didn’t have a leg._

_It happened in slow motion, Lucy pushing through their friends in the doorway, crossing the hallway – Kara was watching through the window, her vision fading – the Major lunged for a man she didn’t recognise._

_She didn’t have a leg._

_Buffering._

_*_

“You awake?” Kara whispered as she climbed back into the tent. The lantern that was placed on the reporter’s side of the bed casting a light blue glow around the small space, forming shadows across Lena’s frame.

“Mhm.” Lena hummed quietly. She turned onto her back to smile up at her. Kara flopped down onto the hard ground on top of the sleeping bags and propped her hands behind her head, cupping the base of her skull. She let out a content sigh, her muscles easing up and her eyes fluttering shut. “Put your pyjamas on.” Lena said, tossing the older woman her clothes from the night before to change into with a breathy chuckle.

“Yes boss.” Kara sniggered, making quick work of undressing and removing her leg. Once she was settled she buried herself beneath the sleeping bag, already warmed through with Lena’s body heat, and shuddered, feeling the cold in her bones ease up.

Lena and Kara settled in close together, the reporter wrapped the shorter woman in her arms and pulled her into her side, the feeling of the CEO’s silk strapped top and shorts against her body felt nice, familiar. Neither of them said anything for a while, their breathing was the only sound between them until Kara spoke up. “I really wish I’d had the chance to tell you that night.” Kara didn’t need to explain what she meant by that, the events that had unfolded down by the pool were still burning fresh and hot in the forefront of both women’s minds. Seared there forever.

“You know, I was going to tell you that night, too?” Lena said, wrapping her arm around Kara’s waste. She buried her face into the crook of the Kara’s neck, still damp from her shower. “When you started talking, I knew what you were going to say and I was so happy - I didn’t even notice the car at first.” She laughed incredulously at her own confession. “I was going to tell you when we got back to your place, because I was so sick of trying to play it cool, Kara. I cared about you so much and…” she paused as though she was embarrassed or shy, confessing her deepest feelings for Kara. “I knew I had feelings for you right from the beginning.”

“Me too.” Kara chuckled to herself, finding the whole thing ridiculously comical. “Did you know how I felt before that night?” she asked nuzzling her face into the top of Lena’s wet hair that had been hastily brushed to the side by the younger woman before she’d gotten into the tent. It smelled strongly of coconut and vanilla, something Kara had always associated with Lena ever since she’d walked away from the hospital.

“I had my suspicions.” Lena teased, propping herself up on her elbow to peer down into Kara’s eyes.

Kara couldn’t help herself, once those forest green eyes met hers, any train of thought was derailed. She reached up, cupping the CEO’s cheek and pulled her down into a gentle kiss, catching Lena’s bottom lip between her own. Her heart stopped for a moment, feeling the reality settle in and a floating sensation took over her body like she was high on morphine again, paper thin and about to be carried off into the wind.

Kara smiled against Lena’s mouth, letting out a gentle sigh. “I realised a while ago - If this past year has taught me anything,” she started, punctuating each word with a peck to plump lips, breaking the comfortable silence. “It’s that life is going to throw shit at us no matter what, we’re going to be in scenarios that we won’t be able to control and we’ll just have to keep powering through if we want to be happy.”

“What are you saying?” Lena asked with a hint of hopefulness and confusion lacing her tone, the corner of her mouth twitched up in amusement.

“I’m saying…” Kara inched away ever so slightly, trying to gage Lena’s response to its full extent. “If we get through this trip alive, if you wanted to, maybe we could give this a go… whatever this is because I want to be with you, Lena. I’ve wanted nothing else for so long and we’re here now and you know how I feel and I know how you feel. We’ve had our worlds turned upside down this past year, and especially now that we both know how a single second could pull everything out from underneath our feet.”

“Kara-”

“I understand how you might not want to go through all of that, but I just want you to know that no matter what-”

“Kara.” Lena stopped her before she could say anything else, ramble out her jumbled thoughts and save her from embarrassing herself. She pressed her lips to Kara’s and cupped her cheeks in the pals of her cool, soothing away the tension that had built up all of a sudden in the reporter’s frame. “When you woke up after the surgery, it killed me to see you so…” she trailed off for lack of better words, shaking her head. “I saw you as you were, Kara, beautifully broken and wondrously destroyed, but god you were still everything to me.” Lena’s own words seemed to startle her as much as they startled Kara, their eyes growing comically wide at her own truthfully pure words. Lena gaped for a moment, her mouth opening and closing desperately as though she could catch the words she wanted to voice aloud floating in the air between them. Then, something settled in her steely green eyes, something akin to finality, like she’d realised there was no going back. “You still are.” She stated surely with a nod of her head.

They fell into an unusual silence, both women waiting for something to go wrong, a car to hit them and throw their lives upside down again, _something_. An inconvenience, a murderer to finally come charging through their camp, a mountain lion or a bear, Winn and his stupidly brilliant mind to blow something up.

But nothing happened, only the increase in heart rate between them, thumping out a melody, steady and solid, real.

They were safe.

Kara pounced, lunging forward to tackle Lena to the ground as the younger woman let out a surprised squeal, the reporter completely switching their positions. Kara chuckled and kissed down the side of Lena’s neck with wet, hot kisses, causing loud, giggly laughter to erupt from their shared tent.

The laughter began to fizzle out, however, when Kara’s kisses began to turn heated, open mouthed against Lena’s burning skin, almost desperately like she was finally allowing the pressure of her feelings to bubble up and over the brim. Lena’s breathing came out in heavy pants and her hands found themselves tangled in blonde hair, tugging Kara’s head upwards to meet her lips.

Kara felt each of her nerve endings come alive, sparking electricity through every inch of her body. She could feel the tiny sparks in her fingertips down to her toes in her left foot, vibrating through her bones in thrilling waves of ecstasy. With each graze of Lena’s teeth, tugging playfully at the blonde’s lips, Kara felt herself slowly unravelling, her brain turning to mush in the best and most satisfying way it could. Kara hooked her arm behind Lena’s waste, the other cupping the back of her head as she rocked backwards into a sitting position, Lena landing safely in her lap, her thighs either side of the blonde’s.

Kara pulled away, if only to catch her breath, ragged and desperate for oxygen. She touched her forehead to Lena’s, holding green eyes with her own blue ones and she knew, in that exact moment, that she wanted this for the rest of her life. Wanted to feel the way her heart skipped and raced in that way over and over again. Wanted to feel Lena’s hands cupping her cheeks, her chest pressed against her own.

“Wow.” Kara sighed out, her heart bleeding out through her eyes.

Lena stretched up to press her lips against Kara’s forehead. “Yeah…” she mumbled against warm skin, stroking her fingers up and down her neck.

*

Kara groaned when her arms stretched above her head, her foot poked out beneath the sleeping bag and into the freezing morning air. Her muscles ached and pulled where they shouldn’t, the previous day’s activities having taken their toll on her unused body parts.

Lena stirred beside her, tightening her grip around Kara’s waste and buried her face into her chest. Kara couldn’t stop the smile from growing, a rosy hue crept up her cheeks and a bubble of something that felt like happiness formed in her chest, something she hadn’t really been accustomed to since the accident. “Morning.” Kara muttered out sleepily, wrapping Lena in her arms and pressing a gentle kiss against the top of her head, the events of the nights before crept back to the forefront of her mind.

Lena could only hum in response, her own brain yet to fully awaken. Instead, she clung tighter to Kara’s shirt as though she would float away. She hadn’t had her morning pick me up yet, coffee that is, and Kara was beginning to remember flash backs to their college days, before their nine o’clock bioengineering lectures, when Lena scarily resembled a zombie.

“Do you want some coffee?” Kara asked, her muscles beginning to cramp and that familiar, yet odd feeling of pins and needles below her right knee began to prick at her nerves. “I need to go stretch my leg.”

“Please.” Lena replied, nuzzling her face deeper into Kara’s body. She pressed a kiss to the smooth skin above reporter’s collar bone before she rolled away and buried herself into the sleeping bag, subconsciously tugging Kara’s discarded hoodie towards her face.

“I’ll be right back.” Kara couldn’t resist, seeing Lena’s plump lips pouting as sleep began to take over her again; she leaned down and kissed the younger woman, surprised to find Lena reciprocating it before she pulled away and left to go grab them both a coffee.

Kara fumbled with her crutches but made quick work of climbing out of the tent and made her way over to the middle of the empty camp site, everyone else still fast asleep as the sun piqued the horizon. She retrieved one of the camping stoves that Winn had so adamantly confiscated upon their arrival and started it up, placing a pot of water on top to boil. She wouldn’t deny that she contemplated retrieving her phone, the need to check in with work had been niggling frustratingly at the back of her mind since they had arrived.

Kara collapsed down into one of the chairs, dampened by the morning frost that had coated the surface of their site. She lifted her leg out in front of her and began to massage the stiff muscle beneath the skin. She groaned as the pain heightened before slowly easing away.

She dropped her head backwards over the top of the chair and allowed her eyes to flicker back open. A bolt of fright exploded through her chest, however, and she leapt out of the chair at the sight of Mike, emerging from his tent, bleary eyed and staring awkwardly at Kara. “Jesus, Mike.” The reporter snapped as she held her hand to her chest.

“Sorry.” He replied, embarrassed. He took the seat beside her and gestured to the pot of water beginning to boil. “Coffee?” Mike asked, eyeing the water boiling with something in his boyish eyes that Kara had only ever seen in people this early in the morning, a hunger or craving for that fix.

“Yeah, I’ve found it’s the only thing to wake Lena up effectively.” Kara shrugged, mixing the water and coffee together in a mug for the CEO. “She doesn’t like this instant stuff, mind you, but it works the same.”

“Kara.” Mike started, before Kara could stand, two steaming mugs of coffee precariously balanced together on top of her crutch. “I really am very sorry about last night.”

That surprised Kara. With everything that had happened between then and now, she’d completely forgotten about how the man had acted the night before. “Alcohol does strange things to the system.” Kara replied stiffly. A sudden bout of anger rippled through her system as a result of her own words. Because after all, alcohol only brought out a person’s true colours, or so her experiences had taught her.

“Would you just let her know that I’m sorry?” He pleaded as Kara began to stand. She dropped back down to her chair with an irritated huff. Kara pinched the skin between her eyes as she shook her head, ready to reply before someone else spoke up.

“I wondered what was keeping me from my first morning dose of caffeine.” Lena declared as she emerged from their tent wearing Kara’s hoodie and shorts. The blonde gaped at the sight, her jaw hitting her chest and her eyes bulged out of her skull. She was surprised she didn’t feel the drool dripping down her chin, her eyes raking over the bare skin of Lena’s pale legs. Smirking at Kara, Lena didn’t miss the dazed expression on the older woman’s face. “It’s not polite to stare.” She teased, leaning down to press a kiss to Kara’s lips.

“I’m gonna go take a shower…” Mike said awkwardly as he trudged through the wet grass towards the trail.

“Good morning.” Lena grinned at Kara, the corners of her eyes crinkling in that way that she remembered so well. She’d noticed that those crinkles had been more natural these past two days.

“Morning.” Kara handed Lena the steaming coffee she’d just made, it didn’t go amiss, to either women, how their fingers purposefully grazed around the handle. “Did you hear any of that?” Kara gestured after Mike, his body already disappearing down to trail.

Lena rolled her eyes, dragging her chair closer to Kara’s. “Yes.” She blew over the top of her coffee before taking a careful sip, the steam white and thick as it met the freezing air. “Do you really think it was the alcohol?” The CEO asked, keeping her voice purposefully low.

Kara pulled her leg up to cross it over the other and set her coffee down in the space between them. “I think he’d have asked those questions either way, the alcohol just made him…” the blonde shrugged, not really knowing how else to put it without being brutally callous.

“A bit of an ass.” Lena finished for her, grinning mischievously at Kara’s snort. “But, I guess if Winn likes him, he must be a civilised person.”

“Yeah, I mean, he helped me pitch my tent and James seems to like him, too.” They were trying to convince themselves, for the sake of Winn, most likely. After all, he was the one who had brought the group back together. And it wouldn’t be fair to judge Mike on the single slip up from the night before, wouldn’t have been fair to Winn.

It wasn’t for another half an hour, once the sun had risen above the horizon, piquing above the tree line, that the rest of the group began to rouse from their tents. They all swarmed around the small camping stove boiling the water, even Winn didn’t complain about the use of the modern appliance once the smell of freshly boiled coffee hit him.

“So, what are we doing for our last da-” Lucy came to a complete holt as she took in Lena’s appearance, hoodie and shorts that clearly didn’t belong to the CEO hugging her frame a little too tightly around her curves. “Kara…” She stage-whispered, eyeing Lena as though she’d suddenly turned into a unicorn. “Lena is wearing your clothes.”

Maggie, having just taken a sip of her coffee, sprayed the hot liquid across the pit of ash in the centre of their camp, spluttering and choking on her drink as she tried not to laugh. Kara’s eyes grew wide before she shot a glare at her sister. “ _Alex_. You told her?”

Holding her hands up in defence, Alex grinned. “I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to?” she replied weakly, like she didn’t know what she’d been doing when she’d opened her mouth and spilled the information she’d learned the night before to her girlfriend. The girlfriend who was notorious for being unable to keep a secret to herself for more than five minutes, notorious for teasing Kara to the point of insanity.

“Told her what?” Lucy dived in, practically vibrating, manic and hungry at the prospect of gossip arising so soon within their group. “Told her what, Kara?”

Lena had buried her face into her hands, silently giggling to herself but Kara could see the light blush creeping up her neck. “Those two are boning!” Maggie called out, clearly unable to hold herself together any longer, the excitement having boiled up at the sight of Lena and Kara looking a little too close, before exploding.

“We’re not ‘ _boning.’_ ” Kara threw her arms in the air exasperatedly but it was too late. Lucy was already screeching at the top of her lungs, bouncing up and down in an almost horrifyingly inhuman manner, yelling, ‘finally’. “We haven’t _boned_.”

“They totally boned.”


	11. Mourning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fired this one out quickly, I'm back in the middle of university, loads of work and its kind of drowning me at the moment so please bare with me.

* * *

 

Chapter 11

 

_February 5 th 2017 – 11:15 am_

_They hadn’t been able to save her leg; the infection having been far worse than Doctor Henman had anticipated and the damage to her blood vessels, even after attempting to repair them, hadn’t helped the blood flow back to her foot, the limb already dead long before she’d gotten down to theatre._

_Despite the surgeon apologising profusely to her that Sunday morning, Kara couldn’t bring herself to hate the man, or even resent him for taking her leg. However, while for some strange reason she felt relief – after the revelation she’d had with Eliza – there was still something niggling at her heart, painful and broken. Something akin to that feeling when she’d lost her parents all those years ago._

_Mourning._

_She was mourning the loss of her leg._

_Buffering._

_The drugs that the nurses were pumping into her system were pretty hefty, every now and then Kara would wake up and find herself in a completely unfamiliar setting, her brain still dreaming behind open eyes. Her leg was still there, running, kicking, standing on two feet._

_It was frustrating, having to come back around to reality each time and come to terms with the truth, like some fucked up joke._

_Her sluggish mind still felt like the connection was slow, still buffering as the morphine and who knows what else flowed through her body. But it helped when her family and friends were there when she would wake up, even if they did look uncomfortable like they didn’t know where to look, didn’t want to offend Kara by looking straight at her leg, or lack of._

_But when James, Lucy and Winn came to visit for the second time, Kara – probably spurred on by her drugged brain – flipped the sheets away from her body and smiled up at her three friends. “Look I don’t have a leg!” She proclaimed as though it was the most natural thing to declare; while they’d already seen her in this state, she hadn’t been fully conscious at the time._

_That broke the ice enough to dispel any awkwardness before it came. The three of them stood in the doorway looking slightly taken aback at first, but as they settled into the room, the group of friends quickly settled into some semblance of normality._

_“So, what was the deal with that guy?” Kara finally asked, the hazy memory of the argument out in the hallway came slowly trickling back to her. Kara was picking on a piece of bread, still unable to really stomach any food, she’d pulled the ham out of the middle and handed it to Maggie with a twisted face of disgust though the cop seemed happy enough to eat it for her._

_The morphine thrumming through her system was enough to blur the edges of her vision, dark in the corners of the room despite the cloudless sky outside allowing the sun to shine its rays in through the window, but the uneasy shifting from Lena on her left, didn’t go unnoticed._

_“The accident has been all over the news for the past couple of days.” Winn said, crossing and uncrossing his legs. He looked anywhere but at the blonde. “A reporter followed Lena from the hotel, he must have gotten wind of her whereabouts from a Luthor Corp employee or something,” he waved his hand dismissing that train of thought. “He found out about you and wanted to make a big deal about your connection to Lex and things got…”_

_“Heated.” Lucy finished for him. She clenched her fist like a reflex, ready to punch the next guy that tried to interfere with her friends. “Guy had it coming.”_

_“Are you okay?” Kara asked turning to Lena, a deep crease between her eyebrows that were set into a concerned frown. At some point during the brief explanation, the older woman had reached out and had taken Lena’s hand for comfort, it was almost second nature at this point, neither of them had particularly payed much attention to their physical contact since the accident, there hadn’t seemed to be much point anymore._

_Lena nodded sharply, though it was obvious she was lying but she didn’t make a move to say anything else._

_“There’s a bunch of reporters that keep trying to get into the building.” Alex spoke up. “The hospital assigned some security to make sure they don’t manage to slip in.” The eldest Danvers sister hid her disdain for the situation well._

_Doped up and slightly fuzzy around her consciousness, Kara frowned. “Security?” She asked, trying to understand the situation better. She felt cut off from the rest of the world, between being bed bound and drugged up to the nines, life was passing her by in a jumbled blur of flashes._

_“There’s a guy outside your door, he doesn’t talk much and I don’t know his name, but he looks like an Ike.” Lena muttered tiredly, the dark circles beneath her eyes were evidence of her lack of sleep and stress filled days around spending time with Kara and making arrangements with her mother._

_“Ike?” Kara was growing groggy, the post-op drugs taking over once again despite trying hard to cling to the light coating of humour that had underlined Lena’s words._

_“Go to sleep, sweetie.” Eliza said, stroking the blonde’s hair from her face._

_Buffering._

_“Hi, Kara.” Doctor Henman entered her room in his usual attired, carrying his usual clipboard with his usual smile painted on his face. Only now, the air he so often carried with him wasn’t the usual happiness that Kara was accustomed to. Now it felt tense and forced and she knew that the surgeon felt guilty about not being able to save her leg. Kara understood, he’d been just as hopeful as Eliza and as her mom had gone out of her way to get her moved to National City General in the hopes that Henman would be able to save her leg, it must have been a blow to everyone when she had been wheeled back to her room, legless._

_Kara managed a weak smile. “Hey.” She said, using the bar above her head to pull herself into a more comfortable position._

_“I just wanted to stop by and check your stitches.” The surgeon gestured to Kara’s leg, buried beneath the thin bed sheets. “How’re you feeling?”_

_Kara shrugged. “I haven’t been eating much, the smell of food makes me feel sick but I don’t really have an appetite either.”_

_“Did you have much of an appetite before?” He asked as Kara pulled away the covers and lifted her leg onto a pillow at the foot of the bed. Lena, who hadn’t left her side for much other than to go find herself some food and sleep, chuckled at that. It was a sound Kara hadn’t realised she’d missed until now, hearing it for the first time in a week or so. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Henman smiled. “Well that will be down to all the pain medication you’re on so, I’ll let the nurses know and they can give you something to help with it.” He explained, carefully unwrapping the bandages from around the stump of Kara’s right leg. He stopped before any skin was revealed. “Would you like me to cover it up or do you not mind seeing it?”_

_“I don’t mind.” She replied, but found herself turning to face Lena subconsciously._

_Doctor Henman began to explain the surgery, where they cut and why and how the scar would eventually heal. Her leg below her knee, or the five inches that were left there, looked unnaturally swollen, bloated with fluids. It was strange looking at the severed limb, despite how clean the amputation was, the skin was angry and red, shiny and distressed. “I want to keep a closer eye on this, if the redness doesn’t go down, it could mean that we didn’t get the whole infection.” Doctor Henman explained. “May I take a swab to get it tested?” He asked delicately, gesturing to Kara’s leg. The blonde nodded and the doctor did what he needed to do. “How’re your pain levels?”_

_“Eight.”_

_Doctor Henman stood without saying another word, they’d fallen into a sort of dance, the pair of them, after spending the past week with one another. He walked over to her IV and changed the drip, a fresh bag of liquid placed on the stand and the substance quickly drained into the tube, into Kara’s body._

_Buffering._

_Despite Eliza’s disgruntled protests, the older woman left for the evening, relenting to Lena’s suggestion to take her bed at the hotel for the night. She’d been propped up in the rugged looking chair beside Kara’s bedside for a week and it was doing nothing for the woman’s back._

_Kara shifted over in her bed, taking her time with a lot of huffs and groans to keep her leg from moving too much, making room on her left. “Come on.” She patted the space beside her with her hand, gesturing for the younger woman to climb up. “What’re we watching?” she asked, gesturing to the TV on the wall. She’d done well to avoid all news channels as of yet and sticking to movies would increase her chances of not seeing her own face, or Lena’s, on the screen._

_“Hey, Lord of the Rings is start-”_

_“Nope.”_

_“You’re intolerable.” Kara could hear the eye roll in Lena’s voice without having to look at her._

_“Fine.” She feigned annoyance as she clicked onto the movie. “But you have to get me out of this room tomorrow.”_

_Lena turned to face Kara, propping herself up on her elbow. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” she asked, a bout of concern evident in her tone._

_Kara shrugged. “If it means that I avoid getting cabin fever then I’d say so, yes.”_

_They settled into a comfortable silence, the film playing out before them but Kara somehow managed to ignore the whole thing. Feeling Lena beside her had caused everything she’d felt in those seconds before the crash to come spiralling back to her. “Lena,” she started, determined to voice her feelings, to confess everything before something else ruined their moment. But as Lena turned to face her, Kara, for some unknown reason, couldn’t speak. She gaped, those green eyes boring into her soul. “How’s your mom.” She settled on, feeling foolishly like a coward. “I know you never spoke much but…”_

_“She’s devastated.” Lena said, a steely expression forming on her face. “I used to imagine her acting that way about me, if anything were to happen, I can see now that she never would.” She shrugged as though her words were of little importance to her. She was quiet for a long moment before she finally spoke up again. “The board members want me to take over the company.”_

_*_

“They totally boned.”

“For crying out loud.” Kara threw her hands up in exasperation, chugging down the last of her lukewarm coffee before she trudged off towards the tent to change into something more comfortable for the rest of the day.

When she finally returned wearing some old running shorts and a loose workout shirt, James was carrying a grill down the pathway that led to the creak and Mike and Winn were scurrying after him with a cool box filled with beers between them. Lucy, was rummaging around inside her tent, her feet only just poking out while Alex and Maggie seemed to be changing in their own tent. Or at least, that’s what Kara hoped they were doing.

Lena was still perched alone in her chair and Kara’s heart leapt at the sight of the woman looking so beautiful this early in the morning in the middle of nowhere. Kara made her way over to her and at the sound of the reporter’s feet crumpling the fallen leaves beneath her, the younger woman turned to smile up at her. “Hey.” Lena’s smiled crept upwards into a grin and she reached out for Kara to take her hand.

Kara accepted the offering and dropped down into the chair she’d been sitting in a few moments ago, this time with her leg in place. “What’re they doing?” She asked, gesturing to the men as they disappeared down the short track.

“Apparently we’re having a ‘ _pool party.’”_ Lena explained with a playful eye roll. “I forgot how little we’ve all changed since collage.”

“I mean, I don’t think we can drink like we used to but, yeah, we haven’t grown up at all.” She said, chuckling at her own words.

“Please, stop making your college years sound so _cool._ You could barely handle your alcohol anyway, and Alex would kick your butt every time she caught you.” She finished with a knowing sip of her coffee.

Kara could tell she was smirking behind the brim of her cup, a raised eyebrow challenging her to take the bait. “Cooler than you, you’re the nerd who skipped like five years of high school.”

“Two.” Lena shoved at Kara’s shoulder, grinning through their playful teasing. She was about to swat at Kara’s incoming hand but she caught it before Lena could do anything and tugged her out of her chair and into her lap. And Lena, unlike herself, squealed as she landed, wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck to keep herself from toppling to the ground.

Kara seemed surprised by her own forward actions but couldn’t hold back her laughter; she buried her face into the crook of Lena’s neck to muffle the sound but her shoulders shook in time with the younger woman’s. Lena slowly tilted back, bracing her hands against Kara’s shoulders to hold herself steady, staring at her face with an almost gleeful expression. Lena’s mouth was twisted into a lop-sided smile, gentle and warm and suddenly Kara found herself leaning in to press her lips against hers, craving the contact.

They met halfway in a soft kiss that had Kara’s heart stuttering wildly in her chest. For so long, she had been aimlessly following this woman around like a love-sick puppy, trying to hide her feelings and express them all at the same time. She’d been so scared of the idea that maybe one day she’d confess everything to Lena, tell her how she really felt and then she’d be cast aside, turned down and things would be left an awkward mess of a once amazing friendship.

“Chill with the PDA please, some of us still have our innocence.” Lucy sniggered, popping up between the two women and breaking them out of their quiet moment.

Huffing out a breath, Lena climbed to her feet and pulled Kara up with her. “Point me in the direction of this innocent soul and I’ll be sure to apologise.” She mocked knowingly.

Lucy scoffed. “You’re not even that funny.” She muttered with a teasing tone to her voice, leading the two women down the path and towards the stream. The sound of the rest of the group - minus Alex and Maggie who were taking their sweet time – laughing and having fun down in the water, floated its way to Kara’s ears, sending waves of something akin to exhilaration down her spine.

It was the first time since she’d arrived, that she was sure, really sure, that things could be fixed, that they’d all be able to go back to being that close group of friends like they had been a year ago. It had taken them a full fourteen months, but here they were. If this had been some twisted novel, Kara would have been sure to skip through the boring recovery stage and straight to the happy ending. And if she were to think back over her past year, through the sleepless nights, the agonising physiotherapy and the temper tantrums, she realised she’d reached the last few chapters of that novel. Not quite reaching the end of her recovery but definitely on the right path forwards to that happy ending.

*

The thick smell of grill smoke filled the surrounding area, the smoke - encased within the bubble around the pool of water that the canopy above them created. The early morning air, cool and biting, had been swiftly replaced by the warmth that had arrived as the day had drawn on.

Water that had flown down from the top of the mountain had warmed beneath the sun, too, leaving the water that the group were contently floating in, comfortable without the freezing edge, no bite to it. They’d all gathered around the rock that cut into the edge of the embankment where Alex and Maggie had been perching on the day prior, this time with Winn and a still unusually quiet Mike in their places, feet dangling into the water as they sipped on beers. James and Maggie were scarfing down hot dogs by the edge while Alex and Lucy were tossing a tennis ball between them, throwing playful insults at one another paying little attention to their game.

While Kara floated lazily on her back, staring up through the branches at the cloudless sky, Lena bobbed beside her, finding any excuse she could to touch her. Wiping a fallen leaf from Kara’s stomach, stroking a strand of hair from her chin, anything that wouldn’t draw too much attention to the pair that would result in teasing.

“So, what does being CEO entail, exactly?” It was the first time Mike had really made any effort to speak up, finally pitching in once the conversation had swung round to Lena.

Lena, despite herself, looked taken aback by the question. The air had felt like static around Mike ever since the night before. She recovered quickly, however, and gave a reassuring smile. “You mean aside from making major corporate decisions, managing the overall operations and resources of L-Corp, and acting as the main point of communication between the board of directors and corporate operations?” The smug reply caused Kara to snort, losing her balance as she tried to find her footing beneath the water.

Flustered, Mike sputtered over his words before Winn placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “She’s teasing you.” He visibly relaxed at that, rolling his eyes as he took another sip of his beer.

“You’re pretty busy then? Like all of the time?”

“Definitely.” Lena said. “Going from interning as an engineer for only a handful of hours a week to suddenly being thrown into the deep end as CEO, it knocked me off my feet for a while but I found that spending a lot more hours than I should have on catching up got me to where I am now. I barely have enough time to sleep anymore.” Lena’s words were light but Kara’s concern piqued. “But it’s not all boring meetings and budget cuts.” She continued on. “Sometimes I get to sneak down to the labs and have a play with a few designs.”

“Okay, so that’s pretty badass.” Winn piped up again, a look of extreme awe crossed with something akin to apprehension formed on his face. “Hey, Lena?” He started, picking at the hem of his swim shorts almost nervously. “Do you think, I mean… would you mind if…” Winn’s face was a burning red, looking anywhere but the young woman he was addressing. “Could I come and see your labs?”

To say that Lena looked delighted would have been a gross understatement. Her face bright with excitement, thrilled at the prospect that one of her old friends was showing an interest in her work life. “Yes! Of course. Anytime, Winn. I’ll be sure to tell security to let you straight in.”

Winn looked delighted at that, and to prove how excited he was, climbed to his feet and bombed straight into the water, soaking Mike and Lena who had yet to get the top parts of their bodies wet.

They all fell into the comfortable afternoon, joining in with the game of water polo that Lucy and Maggie had started, the game becoming far too intense and competitive before the Major ended up storming off towards the crate of lukewarm beers. Maggie, without a full team, scrambled for the ball floating on the water’s surface and held it out of reach from James and Alex. “I want the billionaire and stumpy on my team.”

*

“God.” Kara winced, pulling off one of the socks that was lightly stained from the popped blisters on her leg. She was lying flat on her back beside the fire, beer beside her head. “Whose idea was it to play soccer soaking wet? I have the most disgusting blisters.”

“We did warn you.” Alex said, emerging from Lena’s tent with a bottle of lotion from Kara’s bag. She handed it over to the CEO with a pointed look, tilting her head towards her sister on the ground. Scoffing, Kara propped herself up on her elbows and shot Alex a heated glare. “Just saying.” Alex shrugged, she’d been on the receiving end of that gaze enough over the past year to know she’d said exactly what Kara didn’t want to hear and as brutal as her words were… well, Kara knew them to be true.

“I seriously need to look into getting a new leg.” The reporter grunted, deciding to change the subject instead of biting at her sister’s words.

“A new leg?” Lena asked, dropping to the ground in front of Kara. She squirted out some of the lotion into her hands before she gently began to apply it to her leg, dabbing thick blobs to the painful looking blisters.

Kara was silent for a moment, frozen in awe as she observed Lena. She’d never been one to openly complain about her leg, never mind allow someone to help treat it. Even Alex had never helped out with her blisters, but it wasn’t for lack of trying, more due to the fact that Kara had never allowed her to. “Erm…” She pushed her hair out of her face. “The ankle on this leg doesn’t move.” She explained dumbly. “I mean, it hasn’t got a joint… It makes me heavy footed.”

Lena listened thoughtfully, and for a moment, it looked as though she was about to say something. Instead, however, she placed a small band aid across a particularly nasty looking blister and sat back on her heels. “Perfect.” She smiled triumphantly, proudly raising her eyebrows as she helped Kara climb to her foot before she sat herself down in Lena’s lap on one of the camp chairs.

“You two better be careful, no sudden movements or that’ll collapse.” James managed to mumble out around a mouthful of food, gesturing towards the straining chair legs.

Lena flipped the man off, moving to bury her nose into the crook of Kara’s neck and wrapped her in her arms. “You need a new leg?” she whispered, keeping her voice low.

Kara nodded, “I’m saving up for this pretty cool one that Alex and I were looking into.” She explained, though despite her words, she didn’t seem as enthusiastic as she should have. “It’s waterproof, pressurised socket, motorised ankle. It’s all very high-tech.” She said, listing off the features.

Lena hummed in thought, nodding her head appreciatively as she tightened her grip around Kara’s waist. The reporter could practically see the cogs turning in the younger woman’s brain, her green eyes alight with unspoken thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
